Aba9785 = wacko?

【转载】2011年的‘雷’句

2012-02-01T09:10:00.001+08:00

【转载】2011年的‘雷’句

1.你說你會等我回來，你確實等了，還找了一個人一起等。

2.每當我錯過一個女孩，我就在山上放一塊磚，於是，這世界便有了長城。

3.高考成績出來了，老師長出一口氣對我說：其實沒考上，對你和大學都是一種幸福。

4.拜託不要叫他動腦子好不好--左腦全是水，右腦全是麵粉，不動便罷了，一動全是漿糊。

5.孔子不能解決的問題，老子幫你解決。

6.沒有不透風的牆，沒有不能上吊的梁。

7.我一失足成大瘸子，再回首又閃了腰。

8.我不喜歡整理房間，他們都叫我亂室英雄。

9.八戒，別以為你站在路燈下就是夜明豬了.

10.希望似火，失望如煙，人生就是七處點火，八處冒煙……

11.名人就是出名前別人不知道他是誰，出名後他不知道自己是誰的人。

12.我的世界忽然開始下雪，天啊!請不要在我身旁梳頭髮了。

13.我喜歡交朋友，尤其是女朋友。

14.愚者坐以待斃，智者坐以待幣。

15.一個胖子居然自稱自己不是個粗人。

16.真羨慕你這麼年輕就認識我了。

17.總有一天你的名字會出現在我家的戶口本上!

18、將薪比薪的想一下，算了，不想活了。

19、活了二十多年，沒能為祖國、為人民做點什麼，每思及此，傷心欲絕。

20、我和脂肪做鬥爭，差點沒犧牲21、生活嘛，就是生下來，活下去~~

22、再醜也要談戀愛，談到世界充滿愛。

23、船撞橋頭自然沉~~

24、當你披上了婚紗我也披上了袈裟~~

25、我跟耶穌祈求踏實穩定的生活，他想了想說，咱們還是先談談世界和平的事吧...

26、愛我就大聲地說出來吧!恨我就一輩子藏在心裡吧!

27、趁著年輕把能幹的壞事都幹了吧，沒幾年了。

28、我在春天種下一堆女朋友，現在秋天到了，嘖嘖，居然顆粒無收~~

29、你曾經對我說，會永遠愛著我，愛情這東西我明白，但永遠是什麼?

30、七歲的小男孩是地球上最可怕的生物，他們有好奇心、行動力、破壞力以及《未成年人保護法》

31、人貴在言而有信——我說不還錢就不還錢!

32、夏天就是不好，窮的時候連西北風都沒得喝，幸虧現在是秋天了。

33、我雖然相信海誓山盟，但是未必相信你啊~~

34、凡我放不下的，必是因為我擁有不了的~~

35、特別的人從來不說自己特別，比如說我。

36、我人生只會兩件事 1 這也不會 2那也不會

37、成人不自在，自在不成人~~

38、我知道,天下無不散宴席,可是,至少,宴席上我要吃得爽!

39、解釋就是掩飾，掩飾就是講故事~~

40、人和人不是客客氣氣就能相處的!

41、每當困難的時候我就念藏經：「噢嘛呢哞嘛哄」，翻譯成英文就是:All money go my home!

42、善良就是別人挨餓的時候，我吃肉不bia ji 嘴~~

43、我曾想成為一個問題少年，然而我卻循規蹈矩地活了這麼多年。

44、你拉著一頭豬逛街，很幸福的樣子。我經過，滿懷同情地說：「看一個人的檔次，就看他跟誰在一起。」話未說完，就看見豬很鄙夷的棄你而去。

45.月底如果還有話費用不掉，就請跟我念這個繞口令：一級難度：發廢話揮話費。二級難度：話費會揮發。三級難度：發揮廢話揮發話費!

46、丘比特傳說：一箭穿心代表一見鍾情，兩箭穿心代表兩廂情願，三箭代表三生有幸。。。我向你萬箭齊發。。。小樣兒，你就等著變刺蝟吧!

47.被人忽視?受人欺負?沒人愛你?不要緊!就算這世上沒人愛你、理你、重視你!我的大門依然為你敞開! 成都市精神病院，給你一個五星級的家!

48.當魔鬼在你窗前拍打著玻璃，蛤蟆正鑽進你的被窩，毒蛇在你頭頂蕩漾，蚯蚓在你腳趾穿梭，蜈蚣已爬進你的鼻孔，別怕!我正騎著蝸牛趕來救你了!駕!駕!

49.、閣下莫非就是當年華山論劍武功獨步天下罕有其匹號稱一朵梨花壓海棠的少林寺智障大師收養的小沙彌低能的愛犬旺財踩扁的蟑螂小強曾滾過的一個糞球?

50.腦白金說今天開學不逃課要逃就逃專業課。匯仁寶說他逃我也逃。大寶說今天你逃了嗎?好迪說大家逃才是真的逃。高露潔說我們的目標是沒人上課!

51能不罵人，就不罵!一旦罵，就往死裡罵。

52騙我可以，但不要被我知道。

53我可以容忍，一忍再忍，給你機會，但別超過我的底線。

5４我可以裝傻，但別以為我真傻。

5５不做第三者，即使再喜歡。

56不喜歡就是不喜歡，說啥也沒用。

57任何的真話，我都能接受。說的做的真心認真，我可以無條件相信。

58對於過分裝B者，不留臉面。

59不給喜歡的人添麻煩。

60在喜歡的人面前，能不哭就不哭。

61可以為喜歡的人做任何改變，但不試圖改變他。

62用單純的心對待朋友和愛人。

63對我真心的，我會雙倍回報。

64我不是沒脾氣，只是不輕易對你發脾氣。

65會曖昧，但不會太久。

66寧缺毋濫，絕不因為寂寞而戀愛。

67除了家人，不與任何人有經濟上的來往。

68如果你拿我不當回事，我會以同樣的方式對你。

69.QQ上多了，什麼企鵝沒見過。

70.世界上最沒用的東西就是工資條，看了生氣，擦屁股太細。

71.人才和天才只差一個「二」。故，人才很精，而天才總是有點二。

72.如果你容不下我，說明不是你的心胸太狹小，就是我的人格太偉大。

73.我都不好意思抓你了，你怎麼還好意思偷呢?

74.每當衝鋒號響起，我就趕緊躲進壕溝裡，因為：我是臥底!

75.我這心碎得，捧出來跟餃子餡似的。

76.我從不以強凌弱～～～我欺負他之前真不知道他比我弱…

77.別再用0.5的思維管理這個2.0的世界了!

78.還是古代好混，割掉了就能當公務員。

79.自從得了精神病，我的精神就好多了!

80.人生最大杯具：美人遲暮，英雄謝頂。

81.小隱隱於朦朧詩，大隱隱於肥皂劇

82.所謂美女，大都是化妝品的奴隸。

83.旅行就是從自己呆膩的地方到別人呆膩的地方去。

Who is more successful?

2007-09-06T22:48:00.001+08:00

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who
remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a
successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and
Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and
now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his
best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and
joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to
become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he
owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend
a brand new jet for his birthday.

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best
universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction
company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very
nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot
mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth friend
returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations
for?"

One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the
successes of our sons. What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a
stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment. " The fourth
man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too badly either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and
he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top
of the line Mercedes from his 3 boyfriends."

Read it properly

2007-09-06T22:44:00.000+08:00

結婚前~~如下：

他：萬歲！終於到來了！我都等不及了！
她：我可以離開嗎？
他：不，你甚至想都別想！
她：你愛我嗎？
他：當然！
她：你會背叛我嗎？
他：不會，你怎麼會有這樣想法？
她：你會吻我嗎？
他：會的
她：你會打我嗎？
他：無論如何都不
她：我能相信你嗎？

結婚後從下往上看

sigh....

2007-09-06T22:39:00.000+08:00

感嘆男人有才華的長的醜
長的帥的掙錢少、掙錢多的不顧家
顧家的沒出息、有出息的不浪漫
會浪漫的靠不住、靠的住的又窩襄
感嘆女人漂亮的不下廚房
下廚房的不溫柔、溫柔的沒主見
有主見的沒女人味、有女人味的亂花錢
不亂花錢的不時尚、時尚的不放心
放心的沒法看
老婆是電視、情人是手機
在家看電視、出門帶手機
破產賣電視、發財換手機
偶爾看電視、整天玩手機
電視終身不收費、手機欠費就停機
三十歲男人正在學壞
抱著同一代唱著同樣的愛
四十歲男人已經學壞
抱著下一代唱著遲來的愛
五十歲男人最壞
抱著第三代唱著糊塗的愛
做女人一定要經的起慌言
受得起敷衍，忍得住欺騙
忘得了謊言，寧願相信世上有鬼
也不能相信男人那張花言巧語

Marketing

2007-09-06T22:35:00.000+08:00

A Professor was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me! - That's Direct Marketing

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:
He's very rich. Marry him. - That's Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say:
Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me. - That's Telemarketing

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me? - That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says:
You are very rich! Can you marry me? - That's Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me! She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me! And she introduces you to her husband.
That's demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her:
I'm rich. Will you marry me? and she goes with him -
That's competition eating into your market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and before you say:
I'm rich, Marry me! Your wife arrives.
That's restriction from entering new markets.

Hijack

2007-09-06T22:27:00.001+08:00

After a month-long holiday in the US, my wife and I finally boarded the plane in San Francisco last Sunday heading home.

As the plane reached cruising speed with the seat belt sign switched off, a 6 ft 3" black man with the build of Mike Tyson in the front row got up from his seat, turned to face the back, raised his arm and yelled, "HIJACK!"

Everyone was frozen to the seat, expecting the worst to happen.

And two stewards were about to jump onto this guy to overpower him when another voice answered from the back of the plane: "HI JOHN!"

The moral of the story is:
If you have a friend named Jack, for heaven's sake don't ever call him in the plane. Otherwise you may land yourself in deep shit.

Your career is not everything; your life is!

2007-09-06T22:23:00.000+08:00

Success - "knowing the right people," "being in the right place at the right time," and "using the right tools" - by Anthony Robbins

Your career is not everything; your life is .

1) You are always on your own. Even if you work for a big company, you will always be on your own. Companies aren't people. They're things and they don't have feelings. If you are expecting the company to "take care of you" or "do the right thing", you'll be often disappointed. There are no strong bonds in a company. No one cares more about your career than you do. Remember that, and don't expect the company to take care of you.

2) Certain jobs fit certain people best . You do have special gifts that fit you for some, disqualify you for others. Take time to assess your skills, temperament and aptitude in depth.

3) Careers are short-term. Your present job can end anytime, even if you own the company! Therefore, think short term. Don't take your present career for granted. Someone once described a consultant as a person who wakes up every morning unemployed. You should feel the same way. Wake up every morning feeling unemployed so that you'll appreciate
your present job more and figure out what you're going to do next.
Always have a "Plan B." (No kidding!!)

4) It's more important to be a "people person" than an " achievement-oriented person" who always win at the cost of others. People skills are more important than technical skills. Even in technical jobs, you have to deal with someone. The average performer who are easier to get along with last longer in his job.

5) What you accomplish today will be your calling card tomorrow. Your accomplishments will determine your marketability. In marketing yourself, it's the results that count. A soccer forward who scores in every game is easier to market than one who doesn't. So make sure you're contributing something substantial and measurable every day. And
make sure you keep a written record of your results, in case you forget!

6) Changing fields, industries, and functional specialties is difficult. The more difficult it is, the bigger the change will be.
Therefore, choose your career path carefully. As management expert Peter Drucker says, "The best way to predict the future is to plan it."

7) If you're fired or laid off, don't sue your former employer. Ask yourself why you didn't see it coming; or if you did see it coming. Ask yourself why you didn't do something about it. Figure out your part in causing the problem. Then set about creating a new, better life for yourself. There is a better life in your future.

8) Don't stay in a job you hate. Hating your job can kill you.

9) Success is difficult. If success were easy, everyone would be successful.

10) You are in full control of your own future. No one can deny you a happy life if you decide to plan it and work for it. No one can stop you from becoming successful, but yourself.

11) It's never too late for a new beginning.

12 ) Align yourself with winners. Hang around with winners. Success really does rub off from others.
"If you keep doing what you have always been doing, you're going to get what you've always gotten"

我不笨，我努力！

2007-09-06T22:03:00.000+08:00

我不笨，我努力！
努力不一定會成功，但成功卻永遠需要努力。

有兩個小學生，為了打羽毛球，把學校禮堂的一百多張長凳搬開，打完球再歸位，同學都笑他們笨，後來他們卻成了羽毛球國手。其實不怕麻煩，可以實現夢想。

有一個大型才藝比賽，主辦單位打破多年慣例，賽前先發紀念品給小朋友，有人說：「主辦單位有點笨，大家領了紀念品，閉幕典禮時就會很冷清。」結果閉幕時場面非常熱鬧。其實尊重，可以獲得支持。

有一個人，去打籃球，常常輸。隊友說：「你為什麼這麼笨，都不搶球，能贏都不贏。」他答道：「我們在球場，受到這麼多人的歡迎，他們多麼喜歡跟我們打球。」其實輸球，可以換來好人緣。

有一個人，帶女朋友去看電影，路不熟，到了戲院，電影已散場。去吃飯，忘了帶皮夾，只得對女朋友說：「能不能借我一點錢。」到女友府上拜訪，遲到了半個多小時，原來摩托車沒油了，他竟然氣喘如牛的推著摩托車趕來。她還是嫁給了這位傻小子。其實真心，可以換真情。

有一個人，早上出門，後面車子煞車不及撞上來，對方急忙下車向他賠罪，他想：「一點小擦撞，大家都在趕時間，人沒事就好！」回家後，發現保險桿已經搖搖欲墜。朋友說：「你真笨，應該抄下他的車號。」他說：「事情過去就算了。」過幾天，他接到保險公司的理賠通知，原來對方早已記下他的車號。其實不計較，可以得到公平對待。

有個女孩，騎摩托車到大賣場買東西，結帳出來，看到一個人，鬼鬼祟祟的坐在摩托車上，東張西望，她沒好氣的說：「你坐在我車上做什麼？」他哭笑不得的說：「小姐，我已經等你半小時了，你沒事幹麼鎖住我的車。」在婚禮上，人家問他：「你為什麼娶她？」他說：「我喜歡她的迷糊。」其實迷糊，可以得到疼惜。

有一個人，常常托同事幫她買早點，她總是給 30元，買一塊她常吃的麵包，有一天這位男同事休假，她自己跑去買麵包才發現，她買的麵包早已漲價成 35元。從此以後，她都會多看他一眼，沒多久，公司流傳了一段佳話「五塊錢買一個老婆。」其實吃虧，可以獲得好感。

從小聽到大的故事「龜兔賽跑」，總是以為，現實生活裏，絕對不會有人像兔子般，因為貪睡而輸給烏龜。長大後漸漸發現「其實有成就的人，不是靠能力而是靠努力」。

有些人的成就，是你的十倍、百倍、千倍、萬倍，但是他的能力卻不一定是你的十倍、百倍、千倍、萬倍。不是他比你聰明，而是他笨笨的，去做一些你所不願去做的事。

在人生中，聰明的人，常常在最後，變笨了；而笨的人，卻常常在最後，變聰明了。

遇到寒冷酷熱，聰明的人逃開了；笨的人，卻傻傻的去親身嘗試，意外的在寒冷酷熱中成長。因為笨的人都知道：「努力不一定會成功，但成功卻永遠需要努力。」

GOLDEN WEDDING

2007-07-16T09:37:00.000+08:00

The secret of a happy marriage

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple". The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in Arizona," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, and took a trip, down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off.

My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."

"We proceeded a little further and horse stumbled again.

Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice."

"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time.

My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I shouted at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman?! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? "Are you crazy??"

She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once."

"And from that moment on ... we have lived happily every after."

Laughter is the Best Medicine

2007-07-16T09:35:00.002+08:00

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit;
she asked her son - to use his own phone to pass an urgent message to daddy who is at work site

After the son had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddy's phone
the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile phone. (Women!!)

She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work site, immediately when she saw him,
she gave him a very hot tight slap. While the hubby was trying to ask why the slap?
She repeated the slap, people from the neighborhood rushed around to know what is happening

The man asked the son to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called, the son said
" the number u are Trying To call Is not Reachable At The Moment. Pls Try Again Later".

HEAR WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN

2007-07-16T09:35:00.001+08:00

I believe some apply to woman as well.

----------------------------------------------------------------

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better."
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...
Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.

He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute.

About baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship.
Consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)...
You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Good manners

2007-07-16T09:33:00.000+08:00

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter? How would you say it?" Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."

"And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny answered by saying, "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

The teacher was momentarily stunned.

Slow Down Culture

2007-07-16T09:31:00.001+08:00

something for us to ponder.......
An interesting reflection : Slow Down Culture

It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2 years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule.

Globalized processes have caused us (all over the world) to have a general sense of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate, hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end, this always yields better results. Said in other words:

1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil.

2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.

3. Stockholm, has 500,000 people.

4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, Nokia are some of its renowned companies. Volvo supplies parts to NASA.

The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September, bitter cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their cars to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, neither the second nor the third.

One morning I asked, "Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot.

To which he replied, "Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a place closer to the door.

Don't you think?" Imagined the look on my face.

Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe called Slow Food. This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing.

Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week.

Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness"

generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of "having in quantity"

(life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the "quality of being". French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more productive than the Americans or the British. The Germans have established 28.8 hour workweeks and have seen their productivity driven up by 20%. This slow attitude has brought forth the US 's attention, pupils of the fast and the "do it now!".

This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It means reestablishing family values, friends, free and leisure time.

Taking the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of living. It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do.

It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of products and services, without losing the essence of spirit. Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present, which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon once said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".

Congratulations for reading till the end of this message. There are many whom will have stopped in the middle so as not to waste time in this globalized world.

Meeting and management

2007-07-16T09:28:00.001+08:00

Meeting

Management

Murphy's Laws on Computers

2007-07-16T09:25:00.001+08:00

- As soon as you delete a worthless file, you'll need it.

- Installing a new program will always mess up at least one old one.

- You can't win them all, but you sure can lose them all.

- The likelihood of a hard disk crash is in direct proportion to the value of the material that hasn't been backed up.

- There are only two kinds of computer users: Those whose hard disks have crashed, and those whose hard disks haven't crashed - yet.

- Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it. If you fiddle with something long enough, you'll break it.

Humour for July

2007-07-16T09:23:00.000+08:00

Three Accountants

Three accountants were in the urinal performing their morning constitutional. The first accountant finishes and walks over to the sink to wash his hands. Very carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried. Turning to the other two other accountants, he says "At KPMG, we are trained to be extremely thorough".

The second accountant finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands. He uses a single paper towel and makes sure that he dries his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turns and says "At Ernst & Young, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough but we are also trained to be extremely efficient".

The third accountant finishes and walks straight for the door. "At Arthur Andersen, we don't pee on our hands".

The Airline Joke

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean"

The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane"

After this announcement all the pasengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request.
Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.

The captain once again made an annoucement:
"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean.
All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of the plane, "HANK YOU FOR FLYING LUFTHANSA."

British Airways
"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew. I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic."

"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off."

"If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message."

Jacky Wu

2007-07-16T09:21:00.000+08:00

吴宗宪的变态谜语

01.有一隻熊走過來　　　　　　　　　　　　有備而來（有bear來）
02. 第十一本書　　　　　　　　　　　　　　不可思議（book11）
03. 哪一種蝙蝠不用休息　　　　　　　　　　不修邊幅（不休蝙蝠）
04. 一個人被刷成金色　　　　　　　　　　　一鳴驚人（一名金人）
05. 羊停止了呼吸　　　　　　　　　　　　　揚眉吐氣（羊没吐氣）
06.手機不可以掉到馬桶裡　　　　　　　　　　機不可失（濕）
07.小玉對小明說她爸爸性無能　　　　　　　　欲罷不能（玉爸不能）
08.狗過了獨木橋就不叫了　　　　　　　　　　過目不忘（過木不汪）
09.蜜蜂停在日曆上　　　　　　　　　　　　　風和日丽（蜂和日曆）
10.兩個男人坐在石頭上　　　　　　　　　　　一石二鳥
11.一群女人在聊天　　　　　　　　　　　　　無稽之談（無雞之談）
12.一群人拿雞蛋砸槍　　　　　　　　　　　　槍林彈雨（槍淋蛋雨）
13.畫家喜歡畫粗的繩子不喜歡畫細的繩子　　　出神入化（粗繩入畫）
14.搬建中的鋼琴　　　　　　　　　　　　　一見鍾情（移建中琴）
15.拿筷子吃飯　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　膾炙人口（筷至人口）
16.雞與鴨的對話　　　　　　　　　　　　　　雞同鴨講
17.一百零一了　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　一了百了
18.有十隻羊，九隻蹲在羊圈，一隻蹲在豬圈　抑揚頓挫（一羊蹲錯）
19.羊打電話給老鷹，老鷹接起電話說喂　　陽奉陰違（羊phone 鷹喂）
20.誰家?有電話？　　　　　　　　　　　　　天衣（天衣無縫 phone）
21.誰最了解鳥類？　　　　　　　　　　　　　驚弓（驚弓之鳥）知鳥
22.古人為什麼要臥冰求鯉？　　　　　　　　　冰冰有鯉（禮）
23.為什麼公馬跑的比母馬快？　　　　　　　　快馬加鞭
24.為什麼帽子髒了要翻面再戴？　　　　　　　張冠李戴（髒冠裡戴）
25.為什麼剛出生的小孩就死了？　　　　　　　出生入死
26.什么动物没有方向感—— 麋鹿迷路
27.為什麼老師從小就叮嚀我們要珍惜四支箭？　光陰似箭（四箭）
28.為什麼附中？　　　　　　　　　　　　　胎死腹中（附中）
29.怎樣讓鴨子不會飛走？　　　　　　　　　　插一隻翅膀給牠（插翅難飛）
30.怎樣使麻雀安靜下來？　　　　　　　　　　壓牠一下（鴉雀無聲　壓雀無聲）
31.那位古人跑的最快？曹操说曹操曹操就到
32.哪一種蛇有很多嘴巴？　　　　　　　　　　七嘴八舌（蛇）
33.洗臉的叫臉盆那洗手的呢？　　　　　　　金盆（金盆洗手）
34.喝哪一種果汁最辛苦？　　　　　　　　　絞盡腦汁
35.在地獄的斷頭台看得到什麼？　　　　　　鬼頭鬼腦
36.神的交通工具是什么？宝贝神奇（骑）宝贝
37.如何分辨香肉店與狗肉店的不同？　　　　狗肉店店門口會掛羊頭（掛羊頭賣狗肉）
38.什么动物可以贴在墙上？海豹（报）贴在墙壁上
39.什么颜色最会模仿？红（磨坊）模仿
40.星星有多重？　　　　　　　　　　　　　　8 公克（starbucks 星八克)
41.溜馬隊的miller死了以後會變什麼？　　　彌勒佛
42.為什麼”七上八下”七在八的上面？　　（超欠打的~~）因為八在七的下面
43.為什麼你看不到上帝的老二？　　　　　　天機不可洩漏（天雞）
44.哪一首歌歌詞有”李玟”？　　　　　　　月亮代表我的心（李玟我愛你有多深....）
45.什么鸡最慢？尼可基德曼
46.哪一種蛇生命力最強？　　　　　　　　三吋不爛之舌（蛇）
47.為什麼冰山只有一角？　　　　　　　另一隻腳被鐵達尼號撞斷了
48.為什麼漢子不出門？　　　　　　　　　　因為出了門就變門外漢
49.辣妹什么地方最香？腊梅处处香
50.最排斥你的人是谁? 大肠,因为你是大便.
51.av女优最喜欢周华健的什么歌—— 亲亲我的宝贝
52.会大便的面是什么 ——拉面
53.小男孩子小便，打一歌名？陶哲（吉吉）（掏鸡鸡）
54.猴子最讨厌什么线？并行线，因为没有相交（香蕉）
55.象皮、老虎皮、狮子皮哪一个比较差？象皮，因为橡皮擦（象皮差）
56.狼、老虎和狮子谁玩游戏一定会被淘汰? 狼，因为：桃太郎（淘汰狼）
57.孔子有三位徒****贡.子路.和子游,请问哪一位不是人？子路，因为指鹿为马（子路为马）
58.布跟纸怕什么? 不怕一万只怕万一 (布怕一万纸怕万一)
59.麒麟飞到北极会变成什么？冰淇淋（冰麒麟）
60.星星.月亮.太阳哪一个是哑巴? 星星，因为：鲁冰花歌中有一句「天上的星星不说话」
61.铅笔姓什么？萧，因为：削（萧）铅笔
62.马、虎、狼三种动物，请问是谁把龙藏起来了呢? 狼，因为：卧虎藏龙（wolf藏龙
63.为什么蚕宝宝很有钱？因为.....蚕会结茧(节俭)
64.蝴蝶, 蚂蚁, 蜘蛛, 蜈蚣, 哪一个没有领到酬劳? 蜈蚣，因为：无功（蜈蚣）不受禄
65.哪为历史人物最欠扁？苏武，因为：苏武牧羊北海边（被海扁）
66.有位媽媽生了連體嬰，姊姊叫瑪丽，那麼妹妹叫做什麼夢露瑪丽蓮（連）夢露

Tequila and Salt

2007-05-15T08:51:00.000+08:00

This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could
Read it everyday. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt, and call me over!

Good friends are like stars........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
'Whenever God Closes One Door He Always Opens Another, Even Though Sometimes
It's Hell in the Hallway'
I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here than a whole truck load when I'm gone.

A good one...............hahahhah!

2007-05-15T08:49:00.000+08:00

Bryan came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he woke up he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe “Who the hell are you?" Demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?". The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter". Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.. You’ve got to send me back straight away".

St Peter replied "Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad" replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode". "You’re ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before". "Never" replies Brian “Well just relax and let it happen” And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail.

An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him. Ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting "Brian, wake up you drunken idiot, you're shitting on the bed."

AH Beng's e-meow

2007-05-15T08:45:00.001+08:00

Dear Ah Lian

Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.

You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.

You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.

Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.
I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me. Goo bye.....

Worm regard,
Ah Beng

Men's Thesaurus

2007-05-15T08:41:00.000+08:00

For the ladies out there. :)

Men's Thesaurus

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."

"OH, DON'T FUSS -- I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated: "I make the messes; she cleans them up."

New Office Vocabulary

2007-04-25T08:31:00.001+08:00

New Office Vocabulary

Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, messes up everything, and then leaves.

Blowing Your Buffer - Losing your train of thought.

Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the brass with clean hands.

CLM (Career-Limiting Move) - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity, e.g., trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

Depotphobia - Fear associated with entering a Costco or Kmart because of how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia, Tandyagonia, or Circuit Cityatosis.

Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the Adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss.
Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-a-cubicle comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."

Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him -- he's 404, man."

Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, or housing development subdivisions.
Used as in "We were so lost in Generica that I forgot what city we were in."

GOOD ("Get-Out-Of-Debt") Job - A well-paying job people will take to pay off their debts, which they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.

Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the daylights out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and all the co-workers' heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

Telephone Number Salary - A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.

Umfriend - A relationship of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Dale, my...um...friend."

Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We owe $8 each, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."

Funny Notes (ii)

2007-04-25T08:30:00.001+08:00

令人哭笑不得的便条

老师辞职了（理由超级搞笑）
语文老师：上课的时候，有个同学在看杂志，我没收了他的杂志敲了敲他脑袋。可是在我转身准备继续上课的时候，他的同桌竟然哈哈大笑了起来，搞的课都上不下去，我就问他，为什么笑，你知道他是怎么答我的？那小子从抽屉里掏出一本辞海，竟然这样对我说："老师，你还好没发现我看书，要不就被你砸死了～～"

　　……

　数学老师：一个单元考从来不及格的同学竟然能在交上来的作业里用到高中的知识..........我问他这作业是不是他自己做的，那个同学竟然回答我说不知道，你说说看，象话嘛，我就继续问他，要他老实交代，到底是谁帮他做的，嘿，他还倒有理由的，回答我说："老师，我真不知道这作业谁做的，说实话，昨天晚上我比较早睡觉...."

　　……

　　物理老师：你知道不知道单单一个顺时针和一个逆时针我就教了几节课？五节课啊！是，我也是这么对他们说的，我告诉他们如果还不明白就看看手表，时针往哪儿走就哪儿就是顺时针，反过来就是逆时针。可是，全班数过去，不是手机就是电子表......
我不辞职我就一学期都教他们这两个词语啊？

　　…………

　　体育老师：我为什么不辞职？那帮小子竟然给我送礼物！！不，送礼物没错，我的意思不是说他们送礼物给我就错了，可是他们送礼物给我就是不对。

　　我怎么越说越糊涂了，这样说吧，虽然我苗条了点，皮肤白了点，可好歹我也是个男教师对吧？可是前几天三八妇女节的时候，那帮小子竟然送了一盒的褪毛霜给我.....还，还，还对我说以后夏天别穿毛裤了，靠，那是我腿毛！

　　…………

　　生物老师：我真的不想走啊，可是......你是知道的，我有心脏病，受不了激动，但我能不激动吗？昨天单元考试，根据教学大纲的要求，我让同学们看着教学图片上的鸟腿写出鸟的名称，生活习性。可是我才刚说要考试的内容，就有个同学站了起来往门外走，嘴里囔囔着"靠，这种题目也有，老子不考了...."你说这样的学生要不要教育？我叫住他，问他叫什么名字，他竟然把裤管一拉，把腿露出来对我说："来啊，看着我的腿写出我的名字啊........."

　　…………

　　美术老师：你是知道的，我才刚被分配到这个班。昨天上课的时候我才刚进门就听到几个同学大叫"美女"，你说气不气人？我是老师，他们怎么可以这么不尊重老师呢？..是，如果只是因为他们喊我"美女"我就辞职是我不对，可是在我寻找谁喊"美女"的时候，那几个同学又对我喊了一句"看什么看，又不是喊你！"

　　…………

　　历史老师：那群学生真的没办法教了，上课的时候我提问题："你们知道武则天是什么人吗？"第一个同学回答我说他和她不熟，第二个同学回答我说是他的一个网友，第三个同学说他有她的ＱＱ号码等下课了上ＱＱ问一下......还一个同学竟然掏出手机竟然说要马上问她！

　　…………

　　社会老师：我在讲银行一节时说到，同学们，大家知道米行是卖米的，布行是卖布的，那么大家知道银行吗？所有学生一致大声回答：银行是卖yin的……

　　地理老师：你自己看看这次他们的试卷吧，我国五大名山之首是赵本山，最著名的江是潘长江，我国的'煤都'是(黑的)，我国的'铁都'是(硬的)，你说我还怎么上课？

　　……

　　英语老师：我讲到独立结构的时候，按照教科书要求，我特意教了他们这么一个例句："Ourteacher comes into the classroom,book under
arm"(我们老师夹着本书走进了教室)，可是在考试的时候，全般的同学全部翻译成"老师进了教室，胯下夹着一本书"......

　　……

　　音乐老师：我在上课，示范一首歌......唱完后同学们全部鼓掌。我很高兴，我在想，其他老师可能都是教学方法不对....可是他们还没让我想完就给了我否定的答案，他们大喊着："老师，太棒了，你是所有老师里口技最好的，我们第一次听到这么象的鸭叫！"

　　……

　　化学老师：我？你在问我？我还没上课呢，不过其他老师都被逼的辞职了，我不辞职我等着去承担他们的痛苦啊

Funny Notes (i)

2007-04-25T08:29:00.001+08:00

给普通话不标准的总经理：
要叫我提早退休，就实说么！不要老是在公司会议室，叫我是猪生的（资深的）。
——个确定是我娘生的老芋留

给恶心的弟弟：
问你为什么要用5只手指头轮流挖鼻孔时请别回答我说："每只手指头挖起来各有不同的感觉。"
——小鼻孔姊姊留

给伤心欲绝的老板：
公司会倒，我想跟名字也有一点关系吧？
——惠岛有限公司的员工留

给大眼：
请你不要每次都用很羡慕的口吻对我说："眼睛小真好，上课打瞌睡都不会被老师发现！好吗？"
——不知道该可悲还是该庆幸的小眼留

给反应很快的阿婆：
那天您坐在公车上，252司机的紧急刹车，您重心不稳冲了出去，竟问司机："找我有什么事情？"
——觉得你蛮可爱的学生留

给某超速驾驶员：
我把你拦下来，要你交出驾照，你反而马上把车开走。再度拦下你，你却回答："你不是叫我先走（闽南语）？"
——彻底被你打败的交警留

给8岁的女儿：
请别在大庭广众之下问我："妈，我的'保险套'呢？"天哪！那个叫做"装保险单的大套子"，OK？
——当场很想消失的妈妈留

给初玩股票的美眉：
股票只有上市及上柜两种，别跟我说要'下柜'的好吗？
——哭笑不得的营业员留

给恶心的萍：
当我问你要不要吃猪肠时，请不要回答我："我不敢吃，我怕吃到蛔虫。"
——正在吃猪肠，却想去厕所吐的苹留

给表达不佳的琳：
虽然你的语文能力不好，但请不要离谱地告诉我："阿琪他爷爷有一次死掉……"
——认为人只能死一次的璇留

给天才儿子：
虽然你放屁怕同学闻到，但我不认为你低头猛吸，就可以把屁味吸光。
——怀疑你考语文总是100分的妈妈留

给亲爱的学生：
虽然教官我真的很忙，但在厕所看到我，请别向我说："教官，这么忙还自己来上厕所啊！"
——不认为别人可以代替的教官留

给从没捐过血的大牛：
当你收到捐血报告书时，请不要大声嚷嚷，它把你的血打零分（O）而我的血是A！
——被你彻底打败的捐血人小明留

Five Principles for Happiness in 2007

2007-04-25T08:22:00.000+08:00

Five Principles for Happiness in 2007
by David Bach
Tuesday, January 2, 2007

The arrival of the new year marks a symbolic time for fresh starts. Many of us take it as an opportunity to set goals, contemplate decisions, and renew commitments. It's special because of the revitalized sense of hope it brings.

Before you make your New Year's resolutions for 2007, I'd like to share some thoughts about how it's never too late to start living a rich life.

The Live Rich Factor

Most people believe that if they just had more money, the things that make them unhappy would disappear and their lives would be better. The truth is that your life can be better without more money. It can be better today, but you need to make some decisions and take some actions.

You don't need me to tell you what will make you happy -- only you know that truth.

I believe each of us has the power to discover our purpose and become joyful in the process of journeying toward that purpose. It's not easy, however. Nothing important and meaningful ever is.

What you need to do is create what I call the "Live Rich Factor" in your life. I call it this because those who find the purpose that leads them to joy are truly the luckiest people in the world, because they're living richly.

There are five basic principles involved in creating your Live Rich Factor:

Principle 1: Give Yourself a Break

We all tell ourselves the story of the one that got away. You can't move forward if you spend time focusing on what you shoulda-woulda-coulda done in 2006 or before. It's over, and its time to move on. The fastest way I know to do this is to write all of your regrets down on paper.

Make a list of all your personal and financial if-onlys. For example, "If only I had saved more money. If only I hadn't quit that job. If only I hadn't taken the job I have." You get the idea.

After reading the list aloud to yourself, get rid of it. Let it all go by literally burning the list (safely). Now you're ready for a fresh start in 2007 -- a new beginning.

Principle 2: Get Connected with Your Truth

The hardest thing to do is be honest with yourself. Asking yourself some key questions will lead you to some amazing discoveries, and possibly motivate you to do what it takes to create the life you envision for yourself.

I suggest writing your (honest) answers to the following questions in a new journal for the new year:

What makes you happy at work?
What makes you happy at home?
What makes you happy with your friends and family?
What makes you happy when you're by yourself?
What do you love to do?
What would you do with your life today if you weren't afraid of failure?
What's not working in your life?
What are you currently doing that prevents you from experiencing joy?
What's working in your life?
Who's not working in your life?
Who in your life is subtracting value from and adding misery to it?
Can you fix any of these relationships, or should you let them go from your life?
What relationships are working in your life?
If we were getting together one year from today, what would have to happen for you to be able to tell me that you now have more joy in your life?
What's the single most important thing you've learned about yourself as a result of answering these questions?

You'll find that by putting your answers down on paper, they'll become clear more quickly and the actions you need to take more obvious and easier to initiate.

Principle 3: Stop Judging Yourself

Be nicer to yourself in 2007. Many people talk to themselves in a way they would never accept from a stranger, friend, or loved one. If this describes you, try stopping the negative conversations you have with yourself immediately.

For one week, simply commit to saying "stop it" when you think a negative thought about yourself. If you're in the habit of saying negative things to yourself, you'll find this is one of the most difficult exercises you'll ever do. Carry a notepad with you and make a mark each time you catch yourself thinking negatively. You'll find that as the days go by, your negative thinking can quickly be reduced.

Principle 4: Stop Judging Others

It's hard to be joyful when you're always judging others. In fact, it's close to impossible. Judging others creates a huge amount of stress in our lives. It affects our marriages and our relationships with our kids as well as the way we relate to friends, co-workers, and society in general.

We're not here to judge one another.

The next time you find yourself upset at someone or some situation, catch yourself and ask, "Are you judging?" Judging others is often an unconscious habit. But it's a habit that can be changed the moment you decide to stop doing it.

Principle 5 : Pursue Fun with a Vengeance

It's OK to pursue fun. It's what children do. My greatest joy these days is the simple pleasure of playing with my three-year-old son, Jack.

This holiday season with Jack taught me the simple power of pursuing fun -- again and again. What was fun for Jack this Christmas? It turns out it wasn't the Big Wheel that my wife, Michelle, and I stayed up so late building on Christmas Eve. And it wasn't the Star Wars Lego toy (although he was pretty excited about that).

Instead, what Jack found the most fun was a new game I made up to keep him entertained. The game was called Geronimo -- and it involved Jack jumping from the bed onto a stack of pillows yelling "Geronimo!" This silly little game ended up bringing us both hours of fun. The price of the game: nothing. The fun: priceless. And the laughs? Endless.

Why do we stop pursing fun as we get older? Fun shouldn't be squeezed into a few weeks of vacation each year. And it shouldn't be squeezed into the last chapter of your life when you "get to" retire. Fun deserves to be a part of your life now -- in 2007.

But fun doesn't just happen. You have to make it a priority in your life or it'll go missing. Life's too short to not have it.

So here's to a fun, happy, and healthy New Year. Cheers!
http://finance.yahoo.com/expert/article/millionaire/18930;_ylt=Av_8rC9rriuqQVJrkDiH7uxIt9IF

Miscommunication at it's best

2007-04-23T13:14:00.000+08:00

Miscommunication...............at it's best

Think and review

2007-04-23T13:12:00.002+08:00

Sub: Think and review............
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind.

She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him.

Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear."

This is how human brain changes when the status changed.

Only few remember what life was before, and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.

Sub: Life Is A Gift

Today before you think of saying an unkind word. Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food. Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife. Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion.

Today before you complain about life. Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children. Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn't clean or sweep. Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive. Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job. Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another. Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around.

Life is a gift, Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it
EMBRACE IT
And fulfill it

And while you are at it give love to someone today. Love someone with what you do and the words you say. Love is not meant to be kept locked inside of us and hidden
So give it away "Give Love to someone today!" Remember to live each day to the fullest.

40

2007-04-23T13:12:00.001+08:00

1
男人是上帝根据世界的需要而创造的；
女人是上帝根据男人的需要而创造的

2
男人爱上女人后，他会做诗
女人爱上男人后，她会做梦

3
女人对男人往往会朝思暮想
男人对女人往往会朝秦暮楚

4
女人的看家本领是撒娇；
男人的拿手好戏是撒谎

5
女人的幸福在于：他真的爱我；
男人的幸福在于：她值得我爱

6
女人应该有丰满的胸脯；
男人应该有丰满的腰包

7
女人吻男人算是一种幸福；
男人吻女人算是一种口福

8
当女人走投无路的时候，她会和一个男人结婚；
当男人走投无路的时候，一个女人会和他离婚

9
聪明的女人会嫁给爱她的男人做老婆；
愚蠢的女人会嫁给她爱的男人做老婆

10
做情人的时候，女人会让男人心疼；
做妻子的时候，女人会让男人头疼

11
少女习惯用眼神征服男人；
少妇习惯用眼泪征服男人

12
为女人发誓的男人是可笑的
为女人发财的男人是可爱的

13
男人要是提出离婚，往往是他已经不喜欢她的妻子了
女人要是提出离婚，往往是她丈夫已经不喜欢她了

14
女人坚持独身，人们会认为她有毛病；
男人坚持独身，人们会认为他有事业心。

而实际情况是:

15
女人坚持独身是因为找不到好对象，
男人坚持独身是因为找不到对象

16
女人习惯把赌注押在爱情上；
男人习惯把赌注押在婚姻上；

17
女人能够忍受不幸的婚姻，不能忍受不幸的爱情；
男人能够忍受不幸的爱情，不能忍受不幸的婚姻

18
一个忧郁的女人背后必然有一段不幸的爱
一个憔悴的男人的背后必然有一桩不幸的婚姻

19
女人再婚是为了赌气；
男人再婚是为了碰运气

20
女人总是希望她是他的最后一个女人；
男人总是希望他是她的第一个男人...

21
女人姣好的长相，使男人迅速坠入情网
男人的甜言蜜语，使女人乐于被拉下爱河。

22
男人追求女人，如隔着一座山；
女人追求男人，如隔着一层纸。

尽管如此，实际生活中:

23
男人往往能追到他喜欢的女人，
而女人却得不到她爱恋的男人，

原因是：

24
男人不怕翻山越岭，
女人却怕伤了手指头。

25
男人获得爱的方式是迅速出击，在燃烧中拥抱爱的烈焰；
女人获得爱的方法是缓慢地渗透，然后在平静中品尝爱的芬芳。

26
化妆品对女人而言，是信心。
对男人而言，是幻觉。

27
男人热恋时聪明之级；
女人热恋时却愚蠢无比。

28
男人考验女人的方法是远走高飞；
女人考验男人的方式是约会迟到。

29
男人为结婚而恋爱；
女人为爱情而结婚。

30
男人酒后话多，
女人婚后话多。

31
男人恋爱希望把复杂的过程弄简单，
女人恋爱喜欢将简单的事情弄复杂。

32
男人无情地把初恋情人当做一次性饮料，满足渴望后毫不吝啬地扔掉，
女人深情地把初恋情人当做哺育成人的乳汁，一辈子品尝他的回味。

33
男人选择女人，目光瞄准脸蛋，
女人选择男人，心思放在钱包。

34
男人恋爱是因为无事可做，
女人恋爱是因为好奇心驱使。结果是男人烦恼女人失望。

35
男人希望女友经历越少越好，
女人却希望男友经历越多越好。

36
男人恋爱时用眼，
女人恋爱时用心。

37
男人的眼睛靠辐射，
而女人的心靠传导。

38
男人喜欢放出诱饵垂钓爱情，
女人喜欢不惜血本守望爱情。

39
男人恋爱后变得可怜巴巴，
女人恋爱后变得神经兮兮。

40
女人恋爱期间渴望对方裸露心灵，
男人恋爱期间渴望对方裸露身体。

Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two

2007-04-23T13:11:00.001+08:00

Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two
小心讀每一個，再用一兩秒想一想

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
我愛你不是因為你是誰，而是我在你面前可以是誰。

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
沒有男人或女人是值得你為他流眼淚，值得的那一位，不會要你哭。

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
那人不是你所想般愛你，但不代表那人不是全心全意地愛你。

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
一個真正的朋友是向著你伸手，觸動你心靈的人。

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
掛念一個人最差的方式，就是你坐在他身旁，而知道你不能擁有他。

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
就算你不快樂也不要皺眉，因為你永不知道誰會愛上你的笑容。

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
在世界裡你可能只是某人，但對某人你可能是全世界。

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
不要花時間在一個不會花時間在你身上的人。

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
可能神要我們在遇到那位對的人之前先遇上一些錯的人，讓我們遇到那位對先生/對小姐時懂得珍惜。

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
不要因為完結而哭，要為曾經發生而微笑。

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
這個世界永遠也會有一些傷害你的人，你要做的就是繼續去信人和小心你下次信的人。

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
在你嘗試了解其他人和盼望其他人明白你之前，先把你自己變成一個更好的人和了解你自己。

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
不要太努力去找，最好的東西是在你最預計不到的時候出現。

REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
緊記: 所有事也是因果循環的。

I have no money and no life

2007-01-29T20:25:00.000+08:00

The original comic strip

from: http://www.comicspage.com/comicspage/main.jsp?file=20070114cssho-s-p.jpg&refresh_content=1&component_id=3&custid=69&amp;catid=1160&dir=%2Fshoe
on 01-14-2007

What I received in my email

what I received after 3 hours

How to Exercise While Sitting at Your Computer

2007-01-29T17:46:00.000+08:00

Sitting at the computer all day is not exactly good for the body. If you have to be at a desk all day long, doing some simple things can improve your posture and health.
Steps

1. Sit properly in a good chair designed for desk work. Your back should be straight, and your head should be looking directly into your monitor. If you have to look down or up, you need to adjust the height of either the screen or your chair. If you keep leaning forward, first get your eyesight checked. If your eyesight is fine use a loose belt or string to tie yourself to the chair. After a while your posture will improve and you'll no longer need this restraint.

2. Maintain an ergonomic body posture while typing. Be sure your wrists are slightly lower than your elbows. This will help prevent Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Keep your legs bent at the knees so that the knees are only slightly higher than your hips. Feet should be flat on the floor or on a step stool of some sort.

3. Stand up every half hour. Walk around a few steps, stretch your legs, and give your eyes a break from focusing on your computer screen. This will also help prevent blood clots from developing in your legs. Blood clots are very common among middle age people, who generally use the computer a lot.

4. To stretch your neck, flex your head forward/backward, side to side and look right and left. Never roll your head around your neck. This could cause damage to the joints of the neck.

5. Roll your wrists regularly (this will help prevent carpal tunnel syndrome if you spend a lot of time typing).

6. Recognize that people tend to hunch in front of the keyboard. To counter that, perform the following exercise: open your arms wide as if you are going to hug someone, rotate your wrists externally (thumbs going up and back) and pull your shoulders back. You will feel a stretch in the scapula area.

7. Contract your abdominal and gluteal muscles, hold them there for a few seconds, then release. Do this all day long while you are in your chair.

8. Stretch your arms, legs, neck and torso while sitting. This will help prevent you from feeling stiff.

9. Take advantage of the downtime created by rebooting or large file downloads to get up and try something more ambitious such as doing a few push-ups, sit-ups, and/or jumping jacks. Beware of your snickering co-workers though.

10. Acquire a hand gripper. They are cheap, small and light. When you have to read something either on the screen or on paper, you probably won't be using your hands very often so squeeze your gripper. It is an excellent forearm workout.

11. Acquire an elastic band (also cheap, small and light) and use it to do the actions mentioned in step 8 (i.e., when stretching your arms, do it by pulling apart the elastic band). You will not only stretch but it will also work the muscles slightly.

12. Take a few deep breaths. If possible, get some fresh air in your lungs.

13. Invest in a large size stability ball or stability ball style desk chair, and sit on it with back straight and abs firm. The actual stability ball is more effective, however the chair is a more viable option for use in an office environment. Sit, bounce or do basic toning exercises while watching TV or talking on the phone as well. Use the actual ball form in moderation when typing, as this is probably not the most supportive seating to prevent carpal tunnel and tendonitis.

14. While sitting, lift up your legs on the balls of your feet and set them down. Repeat these until your legs are comfortably tired. Then repeat it again about 10 minutes later. Do this whole routine for about an hour or so. This will exercise your calves.

Tips
* Don't neglect the health of your eyes! It is detrimental to your eyesight to focus at one thing for long periods of time (i.e. your monitor) so take breaks to look out the window and focus at something at a farther distance away to maintain good ocular health. Also consider purchasing an LCD screen which is easier on the eyes. Ophthalmologists recommend following the "20-20-20" rule--For every 20 minutes spent focusing on your computer screen, spend 20 seconds focusing on something else 20 feet away.
* As long as something is moving, you will be helping to keep yourself in better shape. Constant movement will burn calories and contribute to cardiovascular health. While exercising at your computer is helpful, it is not a substitute for going to the gym or conducting a regular exercise program.
* Don't sit still. Fidgeting is a good way to keep moving. Even something like tapping your foot. But don't make too much noise--however you fidget, the repetitive noises may bother other people.
* Always have water nearby to drink.
* If you're all alone, try shutting off the computer for a bit and exercise. If you're on a cell phone call, get up and do stretches, or leg lifts, anything to keep moving during down time away from the desk.
* Try exercises that combine opposing muscle groups (flexors and extensors, e.g., biceps and triceps) to get a good workout. Clasp your hands together with palms facing each other. Pull up with one hand while pushing down with the other.
* Play music while working to provoke body movement and relieve stress. A smaller instrument will be more convenient.

Warnings
* Your body needs more exercise than just what you do at the computer, but following these steps will contribute to a healthy, balanced lifestyle.
* Do not sit at your computer for a long time. Take a break after every 15 minutes.
* Steps 8 and 9; if not done in moderation, may cause you to start sweating, which may not be a pleasant sight or odor in an office environment. Keep in mind you are doing these to prevent stiffness, so save the enthusiasm for the gym.

LOVE... is in the air

2007-01-15T08:29:00.001+08:00

I'll Be There - by Poyzen
-------------------------
When your looking at the stars, in the eternal blue
remember that each star out there is a reason why I love you
and when you think you are alone, and when no one is there at all
i will be right in front of you, to catch you when you fall

The Hour Glass - by Ben Jonson
------------------------------
Consider this small dust, here in the glass,
By atoms moved:
Could you believe that this the body was
Of one that loved;
And in his mistress' flame, playing like a fly,
Was turned to cinders by her eye:
Yes; and in death, as life unblessed,
To have it expressed,
Even ashes of lovers find no rest.

Using Me - by Meighan
---------------------
You affect my thoughts
You affect my mind
But why must you use me all the time
I don't understand you
Help me to know you
Trust me
I trust you
So help me to understand
The meaning of me and you

The Definition of Love - Andrew Marvell
---------------------------------------
My love is of a birth as rare
As 'tis for object strange and high;
It was begotten by Despair
Upon Impossibility.

Magnanimous Despair alone
Could show me so divine a thing
Where feeble Hope could ne'er have flown,
But vainly flapp'd its tinsel wing.

And yet I quickly might arrive
Where my extended soul is fixt,
But Fate does iron wedges drive,
And always crowds itself betwixt.

For Fate with jealous eye does see
Two perfect loves, nor lets them close;
Their union would her ruin be,
And her tyrannic pow'r depose.

And therefore her decrees of steel
Us as the distant poles have plac'd,
(Though love's whole world on us doth wheel)
Not by themselves to be embrac'd;

Unless the giddy heaven fall,
And earth some new convulsion tear;
And, us to join, the world should all
Be cramp'd into a planisphere.

As lines, so loves oblique may well
Themselves in every angle greet;
But ours so truly parallel,
Though infinite, can never meet.

Therefore the love which us doth bind,
But Fate so enviously debars,
Is the conjunction of the mind,
And opposition of the stars.

STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS

2007-01-15T08:26:00.001+08:00

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

A different kind of dictionary

2007-01-15T08:18:00.001+08:00

FOR MEN OUT THERE........REMEMBER THESE WOMEN STUFF FOR YOU OWN SAFETY.......DONT MESS WITH THE LADIES.......LOL

Dictionary for Decoding Women's Personal Ads:
----------------------------------------------
40-ish ........................ 49.
Adventurous ............ Slept with everyone.
Athletic ...................... No breasts
Average looking ......... Moooo.
Beautiful .................... Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure ... On medication.
Feminist ............ .... Fat
Free spirit .................. Junkie
Friendship first ........ Former slut.
New-Age ................... Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-Fashioned ........... No BJs.
Open-minded ............ Desperate
Outgoing .................. Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional ........... Bitch
Voluptuous ................ Very Fat
Hugh frame ............ Hugely Fat
Wants soul mate ....... Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry - You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit - I'm gay

Something for your blog

2007-01-15T08:15:00.002+08:00

Something for your blog (Courtesy of my friend, William)

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
- David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
- Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
-Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
-Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
-Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.
A little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henry Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
-Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
-James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
-Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
-Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
-Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
-Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
-Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive ."
-Anonymous

Buying gifts for Men

2007-01-15T08:15:00.001+08:00

For ladies in the team who either already have a boyfriend or planning to get one.
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4: Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

Rule #7: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #8: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #9: Good places to shop for men include Home Depot, John Deere, Goodyear Tire, and Napa Auto Parts. ANYTHING you buy from these stores is gonna work. It doesn't even matter if he doesn't know what it is. ("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.")

Rule #10: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #11: Tickets to a Cowboys game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

Rule #12: Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #7 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #13: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #14: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope.

No one knows why.

Be a born Software engineer

2007-01-15T08:13:00.000+08:00

The Teacher gave a punishment to the student and asked him to write

"I Will Not Throw Paper Airplanes in the Class" 500 times.
AND
The Student Wrote

Be a born Software engineer

aiyo....

2007-01-15T08:12:00.000+08:00

1.
跟你当这么久的朋友，
你一直都很关心我，
我却时常给你添麻烦，
真不知该怎么报答你 ...
所以 ...下辈子作牛作马 ...
我一定会拔草给你吃的 ...

2 ．
很想你，
可是又不好意思打给你，
怕你正在忙，
怕你不理我，
怕你觉得我骚扰，
真的好想跟你联络，
但是 …电话费实在很贵，
你打给我吧！ ---

3.
你是流星我就追定你，
如果你是卫星我就等待你，
如果你是恒星我就会恋上你，
可惜 ...
你是猩猩 ~
我只能在动物园看到你 !!
唉 ..可惜ㄚ !!

4.
乱.. 心里不知道在想些什么..
脑都被快烦死了 …
我真的不知道要怎么办 ?..
你能不能告诉我 ....
我真的不知道要吃大乾面还是阿 q桶面 !---

5.
谢谢你在我最失意的时候陪伴著我，
在我最须要帮助的时候拉了我一把，
千言万语诉不尽，
只想告诉你：
「自从认识你没有一件好事发生！」 ---
　
6．
遇到你~ 是我心动的开始　　
爱上你~ 是我幸福的选择　　
拥有你~ 是我最珍贵的财富　　
踏入红毯~ 是我永恒的动力　　
永远爱的人~ 是你　　
遗憾的是~ 我传错人了

7．
上帝看见你口渴，创造了水；　
上帝看见你饿，，创造了米；　
上帝看见你没有可爱的朋友，创造了我；
然而祂也看见这世界上没有白痴，顺便也创造你。

8．
如果规定一个人一生只能对一个好，
我情愿那个人就是你。　　
我无怨无悔，至死不渝！
但偏偏没规定…
那就算了！

9．
想你是件快乐的事!
见你是件开心的事!
爱你是我永远要做的事!
把你放在心上是我一直在做的事!
不过骗你，是刚发生的事！哈哈！

10．
电话响了一声，代表我正在想你！
两声，代表我喜欢你！
三声，代表我爱你！
当第七声响起…
我是真的有事找你，还不快接电话！

11．
我把你的名字写在天空里，可是被风吹走了；
我把你的名字写在沙滩上，可是被海冲走了；
我把你的名字写在每一个角落…
哈，我被警察抓走了！

12．
当白云飘过，那是我想你的痕迹；
当阳光闪耀，那是我想你的感觉；
当雨水落下，那是我想你的证据；
当雷电交加，那是我向天祈求你被劈中... 哈-- 哈--

13．
如果说烧一年的香可以与你相遇，
烧三年的香可以与你相识，
烧十年的香可以与你相惜，
为了我下辈子的幸福，
我愿意... 改信…

How To

2006-12-21T15:28:00.000+08:00

How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynaecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

Good theory over the dinner

2006-12-21T15:25:00.000+08:00

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, let me give you an analogy; there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, "So..Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, let me give you an analogy. A man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties! , it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

CARROTS, EGGS AND COFFEE BEANS

2006-12-21T15:24:00.001+08:00

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.

She let them sit and boil without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft and mushy. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hardened egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee.

The daughter smiled as she tasted its deep flavour and inhaled its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What's the point, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water - but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin, outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.
"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong? But with pain and adversity, do I wilt and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a fluid spirit but, after death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water - the very circumstance that brings the adversity, the pain, the hardship into something quite wonderful. When the water gets hot, it releases it's fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better, and change the situation around you for the better.
When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level? How do you handle adversity?
ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

(Somehow, wake up and smell the coffee takes on a whole new meaning)

Author Unknown

How Fast Can u Read This

2006-12-21T15:21:00.000+08:00

Hello...dear friend,

Have a Look @ the following..

how fast can u read it?

The Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies

2006-12-21T15:18:00.000+08:00

Choose one from below as your Out of Office?

The Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies :

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again

8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system .You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

11: I've run away to join a different circus. AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE :

12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.

America's corporate quotes

2006-12-21T15:14:00.000+08:00

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some of the submissions.

1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning entry, from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corporation in Redmond, WA)

2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff? (Programming intern, Microsoft IIS development team)

4. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting Mgr., Electric Boat Company)

5. This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Mktg. Mgr., UPS)

6. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

7. My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected. (CIO of Dell Computers)

8. Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what 'I' say." (Mktg. executive, Citrix Corporation)

9. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping Executive, FTD Florists)

10. We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees. (AT&T Long Lines Division)

11. We recently received a memo from senior management saying, "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

12. One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New Business Mgr., Hallmark Cards)

13. As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo reviewing our company's training programs and materials. In the body of the memo one of the sentences mentioned the "pedagogical approach" used by one of the training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to the executive committee, I was called into the HR Director's office, and was told that the executive VP wanted me out of the building by lunch. When I asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for "perverts" (pedophiles?) working in her company. Finally he showed me her copy of the memo, with her demand that I be fired, with the word pedagogical" circled in red. The HR Manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his dictionary and made a copy of the definition to send to my boss, he told me not to worry. He would take care of it. Two days later a memo to the entire staff came out, directing us that no words which could not be found in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A month later, I resigned. In accordance with company policy, I created my resignation letter by pasting words together from the Sunday paper. (Taco Bell Corporation)

14. This gem is the closing paragraph of a nationally-circulated memo from a large communications company: "Lucent Technologies is determined to promote constant attention on current procedures of transacting business focusing emphasis on innovative ways to better, if not supercede, the expectations of quality!"

15. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing /3M Corp.)

Thanks to Mum

2006-12-21T15:05:00.001+08:00

感激不盡』與『視而不見』~~

陌生人請一碗麵，我都那麼感激，而我媽一個人辛苦地養我也煮了二十多年的麵和飯給我吃，我怎麼沒有感激她呢？

別人給予一點小惠你就「感激不盡」，卻對親人，父母的一輩子恩情「視而不見」！

那晚，佳芬跟媽媽吵架之後什麼都沒帶，就隻身往外跑。

可是，走了一段路，佳芬發現，她身上竟然一毛都沒帶，連打電話銅板也沒有！

她走著走著肚子餓了，看到前面有個麵攤，香噴噴的，好想吃！可是，她沒錢！

過一陣子後，麵攤老闆看到佳芬還站在那邊，久久沒離去，就問：「小姐，請問妳是不是要吃麵？」

「可是．．．可是我忘了帶錢．．」佳芬不好意思地回答。

麵攤老闆熱心地說：「沒關係，我可以請妳吃ㄚ！」「來，我下碗餛飩麵給妳吃！」不久，老闆端來麵和一些小菜。

佳芬吃了幾口，竟然掉下眼淚來。

「小姐，妳怎麼ㄌㄚ？」老闆問。

「沒有ㄌㄚ，我只是很感激！」佳芬擦著淚水，對老闆說道：「你是陌生人，我們又不認識，只不過在路上看到我，就對我這麼好，願意煮麵給我吃！可是..我自己的媽媽，我跟她吵架，她竟然把我趕出來，還叫我不要再回去！．．．」

「你是陌生人都能對我這麼好，而我自己的媽媽，竟然對我這麼絕情！．．．．」

老闆聽了，委婉地說道：「小姐ㄚ，妳怎麼會這樣想呢！妳想想看我不過煮一碗麵給妳吃，妳就這麼感激我，那妳自己媽媽，煮了十多年的麵和飯給妳吃，妳怎麼不會感激她呢？妳怎麼還要跟她吵架?」

佳芬一聽，整個人楞住了！是ㄚ！
陌生人的一碗麵，我都那麼感激，而我媽一個人辛苦地養我也煮了二十多年的麵和飯給我吃，我怎麼沒有感激她呢？
而且，只為了小小的事，就和媽媽大吵一架。
匆匆吃完麵後，佳芬鼓起勇氣，往家的方向走，她好想真心地對媽說：「媽，對不起，我錯了！」當佳芬走到家巷口時，看到疲憊、著急的母親，已經在四處地張望..........看到佳芬時，媽媽就先開口說：「阿芬ㄚ，趕快回去吧！我飯都已經煮好，妳再不趕快回去吃，菜都涼了！」此時，佳芬的眼淚，又不爭氣地掉了下來！。

有時候，我們會對別人給予小惠「感激不盡」，卻對親人，父母的一輩子恩情「視而不見」！

Five surgeons

2006-10-12T08:25:00.000+08:00

Five surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on.

The first surgeon says: "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds: "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says: "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable."

Why you need friends

2006-10-12T08:09:00.000+08:00

Why you need friends?

HR Memo-Effective September 2006

2006-09-16T12:25:00.000+08:00

To all Employees:

Effective July 2006

Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Holiday Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Compassionate Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Regards,
Management

Confusing English

2006-09-16T12:20:00.000+08:00

1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

8. Why is it called building when it is already built?

9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?

11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Humans ???

13. If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this???

Get Back to WORK

Shooting Yourself in the Foot

2006-08-21T12:40:00.000+08:00

The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you're currently using. This guide is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such dilemmas.

C: You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."

FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, than you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling ability.

Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER. on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.

LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds ....

BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.

APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it fewer characters.

Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.

Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.

Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

Unix: % ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o % rm *.o rm:.o: No such file or directory % ls %

Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.

Revelation: You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.

Visual Basic: You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care.

Prolog: You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain.

370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.

Ada: After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type. Generally speaking, Ada will not allow such foolish attempts in safe mode. And if you do shoot your own foot, the ambulance is already on its way.

Assembly: You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot.

THE NEW DICTIONARY

2006-08-17T08:32:00.000+08:00

Websters came out with a new dictionary to reflect the modern times.
Here are a few highlight of what's inside.

ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

GOSSIP:
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MYTH:
A female moth.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES:
Something other people have. You have character lines.
and one to tell your boss...

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

Latest Oxford Dictonary

2006-08-16T09:00:00.000+08:00

Divorce
Future tense of marriage

Cigarette
A pints of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a foll on the other hand

Lecture
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing throught the minds of either

Conference
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

Compromise
the art of diving a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece

Tears
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power....

Dictionary
A place where sucess comes before work

Conference Room
A Place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Classic
A book which people praise, but do not read

Smile
A curve that can set a lot of things straight

Office
A place where you can relax after your strenous home life

Yawn
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth

Etc.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do

Committee
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together

Experience
the name men gibve to their mistakes

Atom Bomb
an invention to end all inventions

Philosopher
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead

Diplomat
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip

Opportunist
a person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river

Optimist
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway " see i am not injured yet"

Miser
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich

Father
a banker provided by nature

Criminal
a guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught

Boss
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

Politician
One who shakes your hand before electorns and your confidence after

Doctor
A person who kill your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Bad side of perceptions

2006-08-16T08:46:00.000+08:00

"STAFF DESCRIPTIONS"

Outgoing Personality..........Always going out of the office

Good Communication Skills.......Spends lots of time on phone

Average Employee..............................Not too bright

Exceptionally Well Qualified......Made no major blunders yet

Work is First Priority................Too ugly to get a date

Active Socially.................................Drinks a lot

Family is Active Socially.................Spouse drinks, too

Independent Worker.............Nobody knows what he/she does

Quick Thinking......................Offers plausible excuses

Careful Thinker........................Won't make a decision

Aggressive..........................................Obnoxious

Uses Logic on Difficult Jobs......Gets someone else to do it

Expresses Himself Well.....................Speaks English

Meticulous Attention to Detail..................A nit picker

Has Leadership Qualities.........Is tall or has a loud voice

Exceptionally Good Judgment...........................Lucky

Keen Sense of Humor...............Knows a lot of dirty jokes

Career Minded...................................Back Stabber

Loyal..........................Can't get a job anywhere else

10 Things Women Should Know About Men

2006-08-15T08:46:00.000+08:00

1. Don't think you can ever change a man unless he wears diapers.

2. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

3. If he asks you if he's your first tell him, "You may be, you look familiar."

4. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions.

5. Men are all the same they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

6. Go for young men they never mature anyway.

7. Never let your man's mind wander it's too little to be let out alone.

8. If they put a man on the moon they should be able to put them all there.

9. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was clean.

10. Women don't make fools of men most of men are the do-it-yourself type.

Cameron Highlands Field Trip

2006-08-14T09:04:00.000+08:00

Ain't they cute...

Some of the mini plants that I bought from Cameron Highlands...

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

2006-07-25T10:04:00.000+08:00

Those who are still single may learn something from here....
Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage....

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that _expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the _expression "the labor of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a "feeling".

EASY DIFFICULT

2006-07-25T07:53:00.000+08:00

Easy is to get a place is someone's address book.
Difficult is to get a place in someone's heart.

Easy is to judge the mistakes of others
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes

Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to refrain the tongue

Easy is to hurt someone who loves us.
Difficult is to heal the wound...

Easy is to forgive others
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness

Easy is to set rules.
Difficult is to follow them...

Easy is to dream every night.
Difficult is to fight for a dream...

Easy is to show victory.
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...

Easy is to admire a full moon.
Difficult to see the other side...

Easy is to stumble with a stone.
Difficult is to get up...

Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult to give its real value...

Easy is to promise something to someone.
Difficult is to fulfill that promise...

Easy is to say we love.
Difficult is to show it every day...

Easy is to criticize others.
Difficult is to improve oneself...

Easy is to make mistakes.
Difficult is to learn from them...

Easy is to weep for a lost love.
Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it.

Easy is to think about improving.
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action...

Easy is to think bad of others
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...

Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give

Easy to read this
Difficult to follow

Easy is keep the friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings.

Jokes for July

2006-07-04T08:42:00.000+08:00

1. Haircuts
---------------------------------
The difference between men and women

Haircuts -- Women's version:

Woman1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman1: Oh God, no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts -- I think that would look so cute. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman1: Oh, that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms -- see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier . . .

Haircuts -- Men's version:

Man1: Haircut?
Man2: Yeah.

2. I'm A College Graduate (the classic)
----------------------------------
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."

"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."

THE WALL STREET JOURNAL ON TONY FERNANDES OF AIRASIA

2006-07-04T08:39:00.000+08:00

AIRASIA FOUNDER LIKES WORKERS TO SPEAK UP
(From THE WALL STREET JOURNAL ASIA)

Malaysian Tony Fernandes founded AirAsia, Asia 's first low-cost carrier, in 2001 and expanded the company by setting up joint-venture airlines in Thailand and Indonesia. Mr. Fernandes, 42 years old, graduated from the University of London in 1987 with a finance degree and in 1992 moved back to Malaysia, where he became managing director of Warner Music Malaysia,
and later, vice-president of Warner's Southeast Asian operations. He quit in 2001 to start AirAsia.

One of Malaysia 's most outspoken business executives, Mr. Fernandes not only has strong ideas on the way airlines should be run, but also how Southeast Asia 's top-down corporate culture should change. He spoke to reporter Cris Prystay about his style.

WSJ: What was your first job and what did you learn from it?

Mr. Fernandes: My first job was a waiter in London at the Cavendish Hotel. I was 17. I learned that working was hard and you had to be professional, even as a waiter. You had other colleagues. If my performance was poor, it let down the whole team. My first [career] job was as an accountant at an auditor in London. It was mind-blowingly boring. I was a junior auditor and was photocopying and adding up rows of columns. The big lesson there: make sure you go into a job that you enjoy. Otherwise, you don't give any value to your employer, and you certainly don't add any value to your own mind.

WSJ: Who gave you the best business advice?

Mr. Fernandes: It was probably Stephen Shrimpton (the former chief executive officer of Warner Music International) at Warner. I was a man in a rush. I was 28 when I became the managing director of Warner Music Malaysia, and I wanted to be the regional MD. I wanted to take over the world. One night, Steve talked to me outside the Sheraton Hotel in Hong
Kong for three hours. He told me there's no need to rush and that it's about developing my own personality and making sure I'm ready for the next job. I see that now: No matter how bright someone is at 25, there's nothing like experience. He slowed me down, and made me understand that you need to take time -- to understand the business better, to understand your
people better.

WSJ: What's the one thing you wish every new hire knew?

Mr. Fernandes: Humility -- and knowing what the real world is like. The new generation is coming in pretty soft. A lot of these young guys haven't lived through a recession. There are plenty of jobs out there and they think, "I can always walk into another job." The hunger and determination to do their best is sometimes not there.

WSJ: Is there a difference between the management culture in Asia and the West?

Mr. Fernandes: The management culture here is very top-down. There's less creativity and fewer people who are willing to speak out. They're more implementers than doers. There's less freedom of speech, and that impacts the business world. Even when they know things are not right, they won't speak out. They just do what they're told to do.

WSJ: What's the biggest management challenge you face?

Mr. Fernandes: To get people to think. At AirAsia, we want 4,000 brains working for us. My biggest challenge is to get people to talk, to express themselves, to get people to challenge me and say "Tony, you're talking rubbish." That's what I want, not people who say "Yes, sir." The senior management doesn't have all the answers. I want the guy on the ramp to have the confidence to tell me what's wrong.

WSJ: What are you doing to clear that hurdle?

Mr. Fernandes: We have no offices. We dress down. You wear a suit, and you put distance between you and your staff. We're on a first-name basis. I go around the office, around the check-in desks, the planes constantly, talking to people. Fifty percent of my job is managing people in the company. You get people to open up to you by just asking them to do it, and then responding to them. You don't send a memo, or do some "speak up" incentive program. It's got to be from the heart.

WSJ: What was the most satisfying decision you've made as a manager?

Mr. Fernandes: Once a month, I carry bags with the ramp boys, or I'm cabin crew, or at the check-in. I do this to get close to the operation. I also want to know my people. When I first started this, I met all these bright kids at the check-in or carrying bags. We were starting this cadet pilot program, and I said, "Let's open it up to anyone. Let some of these kids apply." They have the brains, but they just didn't have the money to get the education. Out of the first batch of 19 cadets, 11 came from within the company. Some of these boys got the highest marks ever in the flying academy. There was one kid who joined us to carry bags, and 18 months later he was a First Officer of a 737. Can you imagine what that does for the motivation in the company? Everyone talks about developing human capital, but we did it.

If men got pregnant

2006-07-04T08:36:00.000+08:00

If men got pregnant...it should be more painful than women

CHINESE+ENGLISH = CHINGLISH

2006-07-04T08:30:00.000+08:00

You might like this. This is hilarious... even an Englishman could not construct sentences using numeric, which is exclusive only to Malaysians and Singaporeans.

Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with... 1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushes out and wanted to 5 with me. I run until I fall 6 and throw up. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he runs away.

So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asks me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand, I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.

10 Things Happy Couples Do

2006-07-04T08:25:00.000+08:00

Happy couples know that the real relationship begins when the honeymoon is over. They know that unless you maintain the garden of love, its beauty will wither and die. In a recent column, you discovered the 10 relationship mistakes to avoid. Now discover the 10 things that happy couples do:

1. Go to bed at the same time.
Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn't wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.

2. Cultivate common interests.
After the passion settles down, it's common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don't minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side.
Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it's more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.

4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode.
If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can't resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.

5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong.
If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work.
Our skin has a memory of "good touch" (loved), "bad touch" (abused) and "no touch" (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the "good touch," which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.

7. Say "I love you" and "Have a good day" every morning.
This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.

8. Say "Good night" every night, regardless of how you feel.
This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.

9. Do a "weather" check during the day.
Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you're more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner.
Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact -- hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.

Even if these actions don't come naturally, happy couples stick with them until they do become a part of their relationship. They know that it takes 30 days for a change in behavior to become a habit, and a minimum of six months for a habit to become a way of life and love.

"Life is not about what you've gained, it's about what you've done"

Another American joke

2006-07-04T08:20:00.000+08:00

Queen Elizabeth, Saddam Hussein and Bush died and all went to hell.

Queen Elizabeth said: "I miss England, I wanna call England and see how everybody is doing there" ....
so she called and talked for about 5 minutes.
Then she said: "Well devil, how much do I owe you?"
The devil goes: "five million dollars" ... "Five million dollars!!!????"
She made him a check and went to sit back on her chair.....

Saddam was so jealous, he starts screaming, me too, me too, I wanna call Iraq, I wanna see how everybody is doing too...
He called and talked for about 2 minutes.
Then he said: "Well devil how much do I owe you????"
The devil goes: "ten million dollars"..... "Ten million dollars!!!!!!???"
He made him a check and went to sit back on his chair.....

Bush was extremely jealous too... he starts screaming and screaming...
"I wanna call US! I want to see how everybody is doing there too, I want to talk to the army, ministers, I wanna talk to everybody"...
He called US and he talked for about twenty hours, he was talking and talking and talking.
Then he said: "Well, devil, how much do I owe you????"
The devil goes: "one dollar.....only one dollar."
Bush screamed... ONLY ONE DOLLAR??????
The devil says: "Well, from hell to hell it's a local call."

Top 10 Skin Myths

2006-05-30T15:11:00.000+08:00

From Heather Brannon, MD,
Your Guide to Skin Conditions / Acne.

How do you know the information and advice you get about your skin is true? Skin care product companies are trying to sell you their product. Your friends probably have as much medical knowledge as you do. Unfortunately, there are more than 10 skin myths that confuse people, but these are the most popular myths I've seen.

1) Tanning is harmless
Exposure to ultraviolet light, UVA or UVB, accounts for 90% of the symptoms of premature skin aging. Both UVA and UVB radiation can cause skin damage including wrinkles, lowered immunity against infection, aging skin disorders, and cancer. The amount of damage to the skin caused by the sun is determined by the total lifetime amount of radiation exposure and the person's pigment protection.

2) Acne is caused by what you eat
Acne is caused by over production of sebum (oil) and obstruction of the pores. The amount of sebum produced by the skin is regulated by hormones only, not food. This includes chocolate, greasy food, soda, and fast foods. These foods do not have any effect on the hormones that regulate sebum production.

3) Dermatologists can diagnose any skin condition
Medicine is an art, not an exact science. Dermatologists spend at least 3 years learning about various skin disorders. Unfortunately, some people have rashes that fit several different disease profiles. Dermatologists are trained to diagnose a rash by giving a prioritized list of possibilities. Sometimes the response to treatment helps determine the diagnosis.

4) Topical antioxidants reverse wrinkles
Free radicals play an important role in creating wrinkles. Therefore, it makes sense that antioxidants will make skin more youthful. Unfortunately, there are no good scientific studies that show what type of topical antioxidant is effective. This research is being conducted now, but it is still too early. Right now the only topical product that has been proven to improve wrinkles is Retin-A.

5) "All-natural" skin care products are best
What exactly does "all-natural" mean? Unfortunately, this term can mean just about anything, and cosmetics companies use it any way they want. All cosmetics and skin care products have synthetic ingredients in them. Because a skin care product is made from a plant does not mean that it is better for the skin than a product created in a lab.

6) I can't get herpes from someone who doesn't have a rash
Understanding how the herpes simplex virus works is crucial to understanding how it causes lifelong infection. Viral shedding can occur before a rash develops, making it possible to be infected after contact with normal appearing skin.

7) Dry skin causes wrinkles
Wrinkles are caused by many factors as the skin ages. The microscopic changes are distinct and unmistakable. Even though wrinkled skin looks better when it is moisturized, there is no evidence that moisturizer has any effect on the microscopic skin damage. In other words, moisturizers do not have any long-term effect on wrinkles.

8) Expensive skin care products are better than inexpensive ones
The cost of a skin care product or cosmetic is absolutely NOT an indicator of effectiveness. The cosmetics industry would like people to believe that an expensive product has some special ingredient in it that make it more effective. However, there are many products in every category that are effective and don't come with a high price tag.

9) Skin conditions can be cleared up quickly
Some skin conditions such as bacterial infections start improving as soon as you use the right medications. However, many skin conditions such as atopic dermatitis, psoriasis, and seborrhea are chronic, meaning they get better slowly with treatment and reoccur when the treatment stops.

10) Men don't have as many skin problems as women
Men wrinkle as much as women and they get skin conditions such as acne, seborrhea, atopic dermatitis, and psoriasis just like women. Men also have additional concerns surrounding facial hair. While men don't spend as much money as women on wrinkle creams and other skin care products, they also don't use sunscreen and protect their skin enough.

Is it true there used to be cocaine in Coca-Cola?

2006-05-10T07:52:00.000+08:00

Indeed, a certain stimulant was present in the soft drink back in 1886, according to the Soda Museum, but probably in mild amounts. Coca-Cola was named after its two key ingredients -- coca leaves and kola nuts.

Coca leaves contain small amounts of cocaine, and people in the Andean region of South America have a long tradition of chewing them for their effects as a mild stimulant, appetite suppressant, and altitude sickness remedy. To make cocaine powder, a much stronger stimulant, coca leaves undergo elaborate processing that involves washes by kerosene and several chemicals.

Coca-Cola used syrup from the coca leaves that probably introduced trace amounts of the active substance into the drink. But concern about cocaine addiction grew in the early 20th century, and in the United States, the Harrison Act of 1914 banned the use of the drug in non-prescription products.

When technology improved enough to make it possible, Coca-Cola started using "spent" coca leaves, which go through a cocaine extraction process, rather than fresh leaves, for flavor. It gives a whole new meaning to "I'd like to buy the world a Coke," doesn't it?

http://ask.yahoo.com/20060508.html

TRUE LOVE

2006-05-04T11:19:00.000+08:00

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.

But...
If it just sits in your living room,
messes up your stuff,
eats your food,
uses your telephone,
takes your money,
and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.

Love is like a roller coaster: When it's good you don't want to get off; and when it isn't, you can't wait to throw up.

DEFINITIONS OF A BACHELOR

2006-04-28T16:16:00.000+08:00

** One who avoids Bride-Eyed women.
** One who believes in Life, Liberty and the Happiness
of Pursuit.
** One who believes in Wine, Women and So-Long.
** One who believes that one can live as cheaply as two.
** One who can forget his mistakes.
** One who can get into bed from either side.
** One who can go fishing anytime, until he gets hooked.
** One who can have a girl on his knee without having
her on his hands.
** One who can leave his socks and wallet lying around the house.
** One who can tell his symptoms to his Doctor without having his wife interrupt.
** One who can't be Spouse-Broken.
** One who can't stand the strain of a wife.
** One who cheated some woman out of a divorce.
** One who doesn't have to leave the party when he starts
having a good time.
** One who failed to embrace his opportunities
** One who is a free male.
** One who is allergic to Wedding cakes.
** One who is Foot-Loose and Family-Free.
** One who is known as a Dame Dropper.
** One who is not missing anything in life except a few
buttons on his shirt.
** One who knows all the ankles.
** One who knows how to hold a woman's hand so that she
doesn't get a grip on him.
** One who knows if he has a steady girl on the string he
may wind up on a leash.
** One who knows more about Women than Men. That's why
he is a Bachelor.
** One who leans toward a woman but not far enough to fall.
** One who likes his Girl Friend just the way she is...Single!!!!
** One who looks, but does not leap.
** One who never chases a woman he couldn't outrun.
** One who never knows whom the next kiss is coming from.
** One who never makes the same mistake once.
** One who never met a girl he couldn't live without.
** One who never Mrs. Anything.
** One who never says, "I'll Give You A Ring Tomorrow!"
** One who plays the game of love and manages to retain his amateur outstanding.
** One who thinks he is a thing of Beauty and a Boy forever.
** One who tries to avoid the issue.
** One who usually has his hands full trying to loosen a woman's grip.
** One who wakes up in the morning with all of the blankets.
** One who washes only one set of dishes.
** One who when a girl asks him for a Diamond Ring, he
turns Stone-Deaf.
** One who when he opens the window in his apartment, more
dust blows out than in.
** One who won't take `Yes' for an answer.
** One who would rather change girls than change their names.
** One who would rather cook his own goose.
** One who would rather have a woman on his mind than on his neck.
** One who would rather mend his socks than his ways.

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SYSTEM - MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET : Man & Women

2006-04-25T08:15:00.000+08:00

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SYSTEM - MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
WOMEN: A Chemical Analysis
ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lbs., but known to vary from 75 to550
lbs.
OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities throughout the world
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered with a painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to commonore.
6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no known reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.
COMMON USES:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.
TESTS:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
HAZARDS:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.
*************************************************

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET - MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET
MEN: A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
ELEMENT: MAN
SYMBOL: Ego
DISCOVERER: Eve.
Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs.
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to360lbs.

OCCURRENCE:
Large quantities in all populated areas.
Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars". Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is
required. (See Women and Slave Labor)
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others.
2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense.
3. Melts if treated like a God.
4. Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
5. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
6. Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious andsemi-preciousmetals and stones (See Jewelry Store).
However, is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin combines with the afore mentioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this element.
2. May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.
3. Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking.
4. When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.
5. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
6. Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
7. Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5 &#6 8. Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
9. Is impervious to embarrassment.
10. Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman

Answering Machine messages...

2006-04-20T15:47:00.000+08:00

Some phone answering machine messages which you can consider practicing...

(a). Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya.
We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly.
So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

(b). Hi, this is John.
If you are the phone company, I've already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

(c). Hi, I'm probably home; I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

(d). Please leave a message.
However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

(e). (Sexy female voice with heavy panting)..
Hi, you've reached 555-3456. John is in... (sigh)
Oh no, he's out... (aah) Yes, he's in again...
(ooh) No he's out... (aah)...
Why don't you just leave your name and number and he'll call you as soon as he...comes...

DSS Approach

2006-04-20T15:22:00.000+08:00

* Increases the probability of success dramatically
* Reduces time to complete the project
* Focuses on learning just-in-time instead of all-at-once
* Limits training to what is needed
* Allows adapting to the pace of the team and the needs of the business

F.R.I.E.N.D

2006-04-20T15:19:00.000+08:00

My Dad always told me that we could never measure our wealth by money but by our friends. I'm sure our friendship has made me rich!!!

Tiny but wonderful seeds of blessings are sprinkled on earth each day... and I just caught one that's so nice and true...
And it's you!

I may have forgotten to say that I care. I may have failed to open up and share, but though no words have been spoken, my promise of friendship won't be broken.

Time and distance are important between friends. When a friend is in your heart, they remain there forever. I may be busy, but I assure you, you are always in my heart!

Friends are like the walls of a house. Sometimes they hold you up, sometimes you lean on them. But sometimes, it's enough to know they're just standing by.

If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them; I'd be at the bottom to catch them.

One tree can start a forest; one smile can start a friendship.
One touch can show you care; one friend can make life worth living for.

A smile makes us look younger... while friends make us feel stronger... and they make us enjoy life.

I will carry you in my arms until we are old

2006-04-13T14:23:00.000+08:00

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb.

She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love.

This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife.
When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.

But I couldn't help doing so. I moved Dew's hands aside and said, you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company.

Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife.

Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dews body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her.

I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious. When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint.

She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded.

I knew I could not hesitate any more. When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly. She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious.

I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart.

The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see.
To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had stressed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but
I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible.

Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?

This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember.

You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain.

From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door.

She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc.

I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, it seems not difficult to carry you now.

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried and tried a few but could not find a suitable one.

Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger.

I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it s time to carry mum out. He said.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.

I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life was lacking of such intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I'm serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won t divorce.

My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry.

I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my life which was her favorite.

The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

Some poems to make you laugh

2006-04-13T13:52:00.000+08:00

Some poems to make you laugh...hopefully.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then
I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack... *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn't it rain on you?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Roses are red, Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but laughing at you.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When your life is in darkness pray to God ask him to free u from darkness and if after you pray and you're still in darkness, please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL!

LETTER TO DAD

2006-04-03T13:55:00.000+08:00

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the bed. It was addressed,

"Dad".

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice, even with all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy.

Even though you won't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.

Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, John

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you!

Call when it is safe for me to come home.

Lessons in life

2006-04-03T13:20:00.000+08:00

A group of working adults got together to visit their University lecturer. The Lecturer was happy to see them. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

The Lecturer just smiled and went to the kitchen to get an assortment of cups - some porcelain, some in plastic, some in glass, some plain looking and some looked rather expensive and exquisite.

The Lecturer offered his former students the cups to get drinks for themselves.

When all the students had a cup in hand with water, the Lecturer spoke:
"If you noticed, all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal that you only want the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all you wanted was water, not the cup, but we unconsciously went for the better cups."

"Just like in life, if Life is Water, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold/maintain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change."

"If we only concentrate on the cup, we won't have time to enjoy/taste the water in it."

Medical claims

2006-04-03T13:02:00.000+08:00

Medical claims
Story of how the human brains works.............
A couple went to a sex therapists office at ABC Hospital. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse" and charged them RM60.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an Appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. Shangri-la charges RM250, Mandarin Oriental charges RM280, Le Meridian charges RM230.

We do it here for RM60, and I get that back from "Medical Claim!"

Men Are Hard To Please

2006-04-03T12:52:00.000+08:00

Men Are Hard To Please
男人很难取悦!!

The problems with GUYS:
男人的问题是：

If u TREATS him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
如果妳对他好，他说妳爱上他了．

If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
对他不好，他说妳骄傲．

If u DRESS nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
如果妳穿得很漂亮，他说你企图诱惑他．

If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.
如果不，他说妳是乡下来的

If u ARGUES with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
如果妳跟他理论，他说妳固执

If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
如果妳沉默，他说妳没大脑！

If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
如果妳比他聪明，他说那是小聪明

If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
如果他比你聪明，他就是有智慧！

If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
如果妳不爱他，他想拥有妳

If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u. (very true huh?)
如果妳爱他，他试着离开妳．

If u don't make love with him, he says u don't Love him;
如果妳不跟他做爱，他说妳不爱他

If u do!! He says u are CHEAP.
如果跟他做，他说你是贱货！

If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
如果妳告诉他妳的问题，他说妳麻烦

If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
如果不，他说妳不信任他

If u SCOLDS him, u are like a NANNY to him;
如果妳骂他，妳好象他奶妈

If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
如果他骂妳，是表示他�关心�妳

If u BREAKS your PROMISE, u cannot be TRUSTED;
如果妳没有守承诺，妳就是不可信的人

If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
如果他不守承诺，他是迫不得已的

If u SMOKES, u are BAD girl;
如果妳吸烟，妳是坏女孩

If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.
如果他吸烟，他是绅士

If u does WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
如果妳考试成绩好，他说是运气

If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
如果他考得好，他说是实力！

If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
如果妳伤害了他，表示妳很残忍

If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!
如果他伤害了妳，表示妳太敏感而且太难取悦！

March Recap

2006-04-01T21:14:00.000+08:00

It 1st of April, but it aren't no April fool. It has been a magnificent March for me, I been through a lot of things this month, or maybe I have been getting older.

First thing, my birthday is in March, which means I am getting older after this month.

Secondly, I got a new car this month, Perodua Kenari GX. I guess I can say it is the most expensive present I ever get from my parent cause they pay for the down payment.

Then I also receive my first and second credit card, but I need to control my spending and not overspend. I don't want to apply for bankruptcy as young age.

Next up is I learn a new lesson in life, it is hard to put it into words but I think I would remember it for the rest of my life. What doesn't kills you only make you stronger.

At the end of the month, I receive a job promotion; I have been converted to permanent worker. Submitted all the necessary documents and now all I have to do is wait for the HR to process everything.

That's about all, I can't really remember things lately, been so absent minded. I think I need to get an organizer for myself soon or another tech gadgets later this year.

What happens if you stay late in the Office

2006-03-28T17:32:00.000+08:00

It's half past 8 in the office but the lights are still on...
PCs still running, coffee machines still buzzing...
And who's at work?

Most of them? Take a closer look...
All or most specimens are 20-something male species of the human race...
Look closer... again all or most of them are bachelors...
And why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!!!

Any guesses???
Let's ask one of them...
Here's what he says...

"What's there 2 do after going home... here we get to surf, AC, phone, food, coffee... That's why I am working late... importantly no boss!!!"

This is the scene in most research centers and software companies and other off-shore offices. Bachelors "time-passing" during late hours in the office just because they say they've nothing else to do... Now what r the consequences... read on...

"Working"(for the record only) late hours soon becomes part of the institute or company culture. With bosses more than eager to provide support to those "working" late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and of course good feedback,(oh, he's a hard worker... goes home only to change..!!).They aren't helping things too... To hell with bosses who don't understand the difference between "sitting" late and "working" late!!!

Very soon, the boss starts expecting all employees to put in extra working hours.

So, My dear Bachelors let me tell you, life changes when u get married and start having a family... office is no longer a priority, family is... and that's when the problem starts... because u start having commitments at home too.

For your boss, the earlier "hardworking" guy suddenly seems to become an "early leaver" even if u leaves an hour after regular time... after doing the same amount of work. People leaving on time after doing their tasks for the day are labeled as work-shirkers...

Girls who thankfully always (its changing nowadays... though) leave on time are labeled as "not up to it". All the while, the bachelors pat their own backs and carry on "working"
Not realizing that they r spoiling the work culture at their own place and never realize that they would have to regret at one point of time.

So what's the moral of the story??
* Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!!
* Never put in extra time"
*unless really needed *"
* Don't stay back unnecessarily and spoil your company work culture which will in turn cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues. There are hundred other things to do in the evening...
Learn music...
Learn a foreign language...
Try a sport... TT, cricket.........

Importantly
Get a girl friend or boy friend; take him/her around town...
* And for heaven's sake net cafe rates have dropped to an all-time low (plus, no fire-walls) and try cooking for a change.
Take a tip from the Smirnoff ad: *"Life's calling, where are you??"*

Please pass on this message to all those colleagues

Describing people using Mandarin

2006-03-28T17:03:00.000+08:00

形容的相當貼切

感歎女人：
漂亮的不下廚房
下廚房的不溫柔
會溫柔的沒主見
有主見的沒女人味
有女人味的亂花錢
不亂花錢的不時尚
時尚的不放心
放心的沒法看

感歎男人：
有才華的長得醜
長得帥的掙錢少
掙錢多的不顧家
顧了家的沒出息
有出息的不浪漫
會浪漫的靠不住
靠得住的又窩囊

Some W a c k y Quotes

2006-03-28T17:01:00.000+08:00

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
- Albert Einstein

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
- Robert Frost

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
- Jean Cocturan

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg

Life is pleasant.
Death is peaceful.
It's the transition that's troublesome.

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.

It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Forgive your enemies but remember their names.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Don't worry that the world ends today, its already tomorrow in Australia!

How to check if the man is still a virgin

2006-03-28T14:10:00.000+08:00

"A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Kuala Lumpur. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice.

Daughter, when you're in KL and if you're looking for a match there, you must take note of the following the requirements Mother set for you.

You must find a man that is 'faithful', not 'spendthrift' and must be a 'virgin'.

With this advice from her mother, the girl went to Town.
After some months later, she came home to her kampung to get her mother's blessings to marry.

"Mother, I've met my match following your instructions. My future husband is faithful because when we went out for a holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?"

Her mother nodded in agreement.

"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, we shared one room only. Isn't he not spendthrift guy?"

For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern.

"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin".

"How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with repetition.

"Mmm....his 'that one' is new......still wrapped up in plastic, mum!"

The moment you are in TENSION

2006-03-28T14:05:00.000+08:00

The moment you are in TENSION
You will lose your ATTENTION
Then you are in total CONFUSION
and you'll feel IRRITATION
This may spoil your personal RELATIONS
Untimately, you won't get COOPERATION
And get things into COMPLICATION
Then you may raise CAUTION
And you have to take MEDICATION
Why not try understanding the SITUATION
And try to think about the SOLUTION
Many problems will be solved by DISCUSSION
Which will work out better in your PROFESSION
Don't think this is a free SUGGESTION
It is only for your PREVENTION
If you understand my INTENTION
You'll never come again into TENSION....:P

Jokes for April 3

2006-03-28T09:42:00.000+08:00

The wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her husband:
'Buy me a surprise for my birthday!' she said. 'Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!'
Happy and excited she was counting down the days for her birthday. And finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought.

Apparently he is dead now ...

Dilbert's Work Rules

2006-03-28T09:38:00.000+08:00

"Dilbert's Work Rules"

If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a dern fool about it.

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.

Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Following the rules will not get the job done.

Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

The 90/10 Principle by Stephen Covey

2006-03-28T09:36:00.000+08:00

The 90/10 Principle by Stephen Covey

Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life. What is the 90/10 Principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.
How? By your reaction.

You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.

Let's use an example:

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over.
She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terribly. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find a small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter. Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is D. You had no control over what happened with the coffee.
How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.

Here is what could have and should have happened:

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time." Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same.
Both ended different. Why? Because of how you REACTED.

You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle:

If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off! Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work?
Why let the cars ruin your drive? Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.

You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.

The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant?
She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out?
It will just make things worse.

Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it.
The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.
The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. There never seem to be a success in life. Bad days follow bad days. Terrible things seem to be constantly happening. There is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships.

Worry consumes time. Anger breaks friendships and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest. Friends are lost.
Life is a bore and often seems cruel. Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged. You can be different! Understand and apply the 90/10 principle. It will change your life

Q & A (March 28)

2006-03-28T09:34:00.000+08:00

Question:
What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer:
Princess Diana's death.

Question:
How come?

Answer:
An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel,driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by Indian, using Bill Gates 's technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that use Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Pakistan lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....

Don't cha

2006-03-28T08:45:00.000+08:00

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?

How to Repair Your Credit

2006-03-22T09:10:00.000+08:00

If you're struggling with debt, here are few steps you can take to repair or rebuild your credit on your own before accepting one of the many "debt consolidation" offers or resorting to bankruptcy.

Steps
1. Create a budget. Calculate your income and your expenditures. Figure in your bills such as car and house payments, utilities, and other bills that you can't be late on. Find out how much money is going to waste for leisure activities and going out to eat. Then figure out how much money you can set aside each month to whittle down your debt. There is a lot of free budgeting software out there, just look.
2. Be aware of what's in your credit report. Surf the webs for the latest free offers, but read the fine print. Some "free" offers automatically enroll you in a monthly or annual program that costs money. Or, visit this site to get a free copy of your credit report from Equifax, Experian, and/or Trans Union.
3. Contact your creditors. Not after months of harassing calls, but as soon as you realize you won't be able to make the requested payments. Most creditors are not as cut-throat as you think, and they will work with you to schedule smaller payments that fit your budget. Look at it from their point of view. They'd much rather receive $20 payments for the next year than get nothing if you have to file for bankruptcy. Let them know you're trying to repair your credit, and offer to pay them a percentage of your balance. Most agencies will accept 30 - 40% of your debt.
4. Get any agreement in writing. Once you pay off your debt, make sure you get a settlement letter and send it to the credit bureaus so they can amend your credit report.
5. Cut up the cards. Keep a few of the accounts open. Having 5 accounts with zero balance on four and $500 on one lowers your credit risk, as opposed to 2 accounts with a $250 balance each.
6. Get a secured credit card. You're unlikely to be turned down for one because you supply the money up front as collateral. For instance, you pay $300 for a secured card, you'll have $300 credit limit. Beware of the high interest rate and various fees often associated with a secured card.
7. Join a credit union. They're more likely to give you loans in the future than a regular bank.
8. Make all payments on time. Don't arrange a lowered settlement amount if you can't pay it. Don't get a secured credit card if you won't be able to make those payments on time. It will only reflect badly on your credit.
9. Recognize that bankruptcy shows up on your credit for 10 years. Don't take the easy way out now, you'll pay for it later. It takes a lot more hard work and dedication to rebuild your credit than it does to declare bankruptcy, but you'll be glad you did.

Tips
* You can get negative items removed from your credit report. Write to the credit bureaus and tell them that the items you want removed are inaccurate or incomplete. Don't get too specific, or you could end up worse off than when you started.
* You want to show that you are responsible with high balances, so you'll want to have high credit limits but a low balance. It actually helps to have a high balance that you've paid off.
* Get a loan from your Credit Union or Banking establishment, immediately (that day) turn around and open up a savings account. Then make payments on the loan from the savings account. DO NOT use the money for anything else! This will help your credit quite a bit once as you pay off the loan.

Warnings
* Don't cancel all your credit cards! Pay them off, don't use them (or don't use more than you can pay off each month), but keep the accounts open. You want to have a long credit history with at least three "trade lines."

http://wiki.ehow.com/Repair-Your-Credit

Hospitality Services, LOL

2006-03-20T13:09:00.000+08:00

Have a good laugh..........some hospitality services....!!!

Customer: Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter: Sit down, sir, we serve anyone.
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Customer: Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop? >
Waiter: Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer: No, I can't.
Waiter: Then does it really matter?
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Customer: Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes Sir, they are not very good swimmers.
--------------------------------------------
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That's all right, Sir, he won't drink much.
--------------------------------------------
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
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Customer: Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
Waiter: I wouldn't know, Sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
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Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? Then why aren't you laughing?
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Son: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father: No. Why do you ask that?
Son: Well, where did you get mummy then?
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Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master?? : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to Kuala Lumpur.
Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
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Peter: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
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Teacher: Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
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Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.
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First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "How fortunate you are, mine's still alive."
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A girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"
"Sure," replied her lover "What's your phone number?"
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A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."
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Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Penang in two days time?
Post Master: Well it might do.
Customer: I bet you, it won't.
Post Master: Why not?
Customer: It's addressed to Johor.
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An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist. 'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
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Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love.
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1st thief: Oh! The police are here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief: Hurry! This is no time for superstitious.
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Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me.
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.
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Teacher: Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student: A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher: How?
Student: Ladies first.
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Waiter: I have stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
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Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting,
"Daddy! Daddy! I got 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy. "Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well?" began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math and 20 in science."

General knowledge - Very cool

2006-03-17T08:42:00.000+08:00

*Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

*No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.

*Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

*It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.

*Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

*Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

*Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

*The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

*The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

*The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

*Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

*The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

*Pearls melt in vinegar.

*The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

*It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.

*A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.

*Turtles can breathe through their butts.

*On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.

*Elephants are the only animal s that can't jump.

*Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

*The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

*A snail can sleep for three years.

*No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."

*Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing! SCARY!!!

*All polar bears are left handed.

*A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

*Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their elbow.

Giant Foo

2006-03-15T12:40:00.000+08:00

I might be quite tall among my friends, but I am not a giant.

So, Giant FOO might not be real.

Wait, what is this?

Let us see the whole picture properly.

It is Giant Food with the D missing.

Now this teaches us not to jump to conclusion so early.

Be Observant

2006-03-15T09:34:00.000+08:00

Be Observant
Chuan and Jing joined a wholesale company together just after graduation.
Both worked very hard.
After several years, the boss promoted Jing to sales executive but Chuan remained a sales rep. One day Chuan could not take it anymore, tender resignation to the boss and complained the boss did not value hard working staff, but only promoted those who flattered him.
The boss knew that Chuan worked very hard for the years, but in order to help Chuan realize the difference between him and Jing, the boss asked Chuan to do the following. Go and find out anyone selling water melon in the market? Chuan returned and said yes. The boss asked how much per kg? Chuan went back to the market to ask and returned to inform boss the $12 per kg.
Boss told Chuan, I will ask Jing the same question. Jing went, returned and said, boss, only one person selling water melon. $12 per kg, $100 for 10 kg, he has inventory of 340 melons. On the table 58 melons, every melon weighs about 15 kg, bought from the South two days ago, they are fresh and red, good quality.
Chuan was very impressed and realized the difference between himself and Jing. He decided not to resign but to learn from Jing.

My dear friends, a more successful person is more observant, thinks more and understands in depth. For the same matter, a more successful person sees several years ahead, while we see only tomorrow. The difference between a year and a day is 365 times.
Think! How far have you seen ahead in your life? How thoughtful in depth are you? Nourish the mind, create a better world.

Forget

2006-03-15T09:26:00.000+08:00

FORGET about the days when it's been cloudy, but don't forget your hours in the sun.

Forget about the times you've been defeated, but don't forget the victories you've won.

Always have a dream

Forget about the mistakes that you can't change now, but don't forget the lessons that you've learned.

Forget about misfortunes you've encountered, but don't forget the times your luck has turned.

Forget about the days when you've been lonely, but don't forget the friendly smiles you've seen.

Forget about the plans that didn't seem to work out right, but don't forget to have a dream!

How To Be A Better Couple: 10 steps to enjoying each other better

2006-03-13T16:26:00.000+08:00

This is worth reading. Many a times we take our partner for granted, so do 'audit' on your relationship once in a while. A relationship is not about YOU and ME, it's actually WE.
How To Be A Better Couple: 10 steps to enjoying each other better...

1. Be realistic about each other. Don't try to turn your partner into something he or she is not. Let's face it, guys-there's only 1 Pamela Anderson in the world, and even she has had her implants removed! Give your gal a break and understand that her physical appearance is NOT going to change overnight with the help of a few facials or treatments. And ladies, Brad Pitt has already been taken, so you're going to have to do with what your guy is like! Chill out, love each other for what u are. There is more to your partner than what meets the eye.

2. Always talk things out. Now guys, I know this is not your favorite pastime or mode of resolving issues, but u know what? This works with the gals. Don't make assumptions about each other's feelings. Learn to express yourself better so that your partner understands what you are angry about, or hurt about, or even happy about! When you stop talking to each other from the heart, it's the beginning of the end.

3. Do stuff together. Make an effort to do things together. Do some sports or involve you in some shared activities; something both of u enjoys or is interested in. It could be as simple as watching movies together, or jus strolling hand-in-hand down Orchard Road. Watch soccer with him once in a while though the green patch on TV puts u to sleep in 3 seconds. And guys, do give in if your gal asks for another day at window-shopping, rather than suggest that she go out with her girlfriends for "that sort of activities" instead. If you are spending more time with your friends rather than with your partner, it's a warning sign that you are drifting apart!!!

4. Meet each other halfway. If he agrees to throw out that rotten T-shirt with the "The_Rock" print, u shouldn't kick up much of a fuss if he asks u to keep your room tidy. There's got to be a little giving and taking in a relationship, so learn to meet each other halfway.

5. Show your love Buy her flowers or candy or perfume every now and then, even if u have been together for 5years. It's wonderful to continue showing someone that u care for him or her. Cook him a special meal; paint him a Valentine's Day card. Knit him mini-socks he can't wear (like for decoration purposes), buy him a packet of milk for breakfast, or pack his wardrobe for him...so he knows u can still be romantic and loving despite having been together for quite a while.

6. Respect each other. Stop making jokes about her hair or skin, or whatever it is u love to laugh at. Ask yourself if she thinks if it's funny. And if he has an inferiority complex about his height, stop ogling at tall guys and make him feel worse! Love is about respecting each other's feelings and being sensitive to each other at all times.

7. Bury the past. Stop bringing up the past. Gals. Don't bring up the happy things about u and your ex to your guy, it would jus make him jealous or unhappy. And guys, don't talk about the happy times that u had with your ex or mention about her in your every other sentence as it would make your gal feel un-happy and she might think that u saying all this because u are going to get back with your ex or not interested in her anymore.< /P>

8. Sit on your jealousy. All of us go thru' spells of insecurity at the beginning of the relationship, but don't translate that insecurity into jealousy. If you are going to go through your partner's mail and cupboard, and eavesdropping on conversations, you know something is wrong - with u!!! Jealousy is like a poison that slowly spreads thru' the relationship before finally killing it. Trust your partner; love has to have trust in it.

9. Keep your commitments to each other. If your partner is standing u up all the time and canceling dates and breaking promises, you need to talk! If you are in a relationship, make your partner your priority and don't disappoint them if u can help it. It's really terrible when someone promises to take u to dinner, and then calls to cancel it. Don't make promises u can't keep. If your partner starts to feel that he/she is not important enough to u, u may jus lose him/her.

10. Be honest. Honesty is not scowling at how awful she looks first thing in the morning, or telling him that he has the biceps of a fly~! When we say "be honest", we mean expressing your feelings clearly, not being bitingly cruel. When you are hurt, say so, and when you are angry, tell him/her, w/o getting hysterical. If u can't be honest with your partner, who can u be honest with? Love is also about honesty, and a relationship where no honesty exists probably isn't worth it!

CLARIFICATION OF THE CORPORATE STRUCTURE

2006-03-08T08:34:00.000+08:00

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Talks with God

PRESIDENT
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God if special request is approved

EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Can fire a speeding bullet
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Is occasionally addressed by God

VICE PRESIDENT
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury
Swims well
Talks to animals

MANAGER
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by a locomotive
Is not issued ammunition
Dog paddles
Talks to walls

SUPERVISOR
Runs into buildings
Recognizes a locomotive two out of three times
Wets himself with a water pistol
Can't stay afloat without a life preserver
Mumbles to himself

SECRETARY
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
She is God

You Got A Job Offer, Now What?

2006-03-07T21:15:00.000+08:00

GET IT IN WRITING
Nail down the details of the job offer by getting it in writing. This will prevent confusion and unnecessary squabbling in the future. Include the basics, starting with your salary, duties, hours, location, supervisor and job title.

THE DETAILS
When you have a job offer in hand, be sure to ask about vacation, health coverage, education allowance, stock options, bonuses and relocation expenses, if applicable.

NEGOTIATING YOUR SALARY
Do your homework. You don't want to undersell yourself or price yourself out of the market. Calculate the average salary for candidates with your educational background and experience. Then tell the prospective employer what sets you apart from the pack and why you deserve more.

SET A DEADLINE
The prospective employer will want an answer as quickly as possible. If you've got another offer in hand, or expect to receive one soon, give yourself ample time to consider both. A few days isn't unreasonable, but don't overdo it, or the prospective employer will think you're not passionate about the company or serious about the job.

FOLLOW YOUR GUT
After you've penciled things out, you're left with intangibles such as corporate culture and personal "fit" with the company. Decide what you want, and then follow your gut.

ACCEPTING THE JOB
Notify the hiring manager by phone when you accept a job, and follow up with a letter confirming your acceptance. Keep the letter short: State the agreed-upon salary, other terms and the start date. Then stick to it. Backing out after accepting an offer will kill any chance of working for the company in the future.

DECLINING AN OFFER
Be sure to thank the interviewer for taking the time to discuss job prospects when declining a job. Tell the interviewer why you found another job more challenging and why you accepted it. If you've turned down a job with a good company, don't slam the door on future discussions.

Don't Quit

2006-03-07T08:29:00.000+08:00

DON'T QUIT
By Author Unknown

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit - rest if you must,
But don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns.
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a fellow turns about when he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow - you may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than it seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up when he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out - the silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And when you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit - it's when things seem worst,
You must not quit.

Desperate Housewives

2006-03-03T14:15:00.000+08:00

Should ABC decide to make a Desperate Housewife cartoon version using Disney Character...

Chinese Kungfu name in English?

2006-03-02T15:10:00.000+08:00

- 九阳神功（nine man's power）
- 九阴真经（nine woman's story）
- 九阴白骨爪（nine woman catch a white bone）
- 神照经（god bless you）
- 洗髓经（watch bone）
- 轻功水上飘（flying skill）
- 黯然销魂掌（deepblue press）
- 打狗棒法（guide of dog beating）
- 潜龙勿用（don't bother me while i am sleeping）
- 八荒六合唯我独尊掌（my name is No. 1）
- 吸星大法（suck star over china）