Monday, July 16, 2007


The secret of a happy marriage

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple". The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in Arizona," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, and took a trip, down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off.

My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."

"We proceeded a little further and horse stumbled again.

Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice."

"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time.

My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I shouted at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman?! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? "Are you crazy??"

She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once."

"And from that moment on ... we have lived happily every after."

Laughter is the Best Medicine

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit;
she asked her son - to use his own phone to pass an urgent message to daddy who is at work site

After the son had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddy's phone
the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile phone. (Women!!)

She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work site, immediately when she saw him,
she gave him a very hot tight slap. While the hubby was trying to ask why the slap?
She repeated the slap, people from the neighborhood rushed around to know what is happening

The man asked the son to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called, the son said
" the number u are Trying To call Is not Reachable At The Moment. Pls Try Again Later".


I believe some apply to woman as well.


If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better."
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...
Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.

He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute.

About baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship.
Consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)...
You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Good manners

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter? How would you say it?" Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."

"And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny answered by saying, "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

The teacher was momentarily stunned.

Slow Down Culture

something for us to ponder.......
An interesting reflection : Slow Down Culture

It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2 years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule.

Globalized processes have caused us (all over the world) to have a general sense of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate, hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end, this always yields better results. Said in other words:

1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil.

2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.

3. Stockholm, has 500,000 people.

4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, Nokia are some of its renowned companies. Volvo supplies parts to NASA.

The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September, bitter cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their cars to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, neither the second nor the third.

One morning I asked, "Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot.

To which he replied, "Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a place closer to the door.

Don't you think?" Imagined the look on my face.

Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe called Slow Food. This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing.

Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week.

Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness"

generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of "having in quantity"

(life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the "quality of being". French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more productive than the Americans or the British. The Germans have established 28.8 hour workweeks and have seen their productivity driven up by 20%. This slow attitude has brought forth the US 's attention, pupils of the fast and the "do it now!".

This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It means reestablishing family values, friends, free and leisure time.

Taking the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of living. It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do.

It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of products and services, without losing the essence of spirit. Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present, which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon once said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".

Congratulations for reading till the end of this message. There are many whom will have stopped in the middle so as not to waste time in this globalized world.

Meeting and management



Murphy's Laws on Computers

- As soon as you delete a worthless file, you'll need it.

- Installing a new program will always mess up at least one old one.

- You can't win them all, but you sure can lose them all.

- The likelihood of a hard disk crash is in direct proportion to the value of the material that hasn't been backed up.

- There are only two kinds of computer users: Those whose hard disks have crashed, and those whose hard disks haven't crashed - yet.

- Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it. If you fiddle with something long enough, you'll break it.

Humour for July

Three Accountants

Three accountants were in the urinal performing their morning constitutional. The first accountant finishes and walks over to the sink to wash his hands. Very carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried. Turning to the other two other accountants, he says "At KPMG, we are trained to be extremely thorough".

The second accountant finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands. He uses a single paper towel and makes sure that he dries his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turns and says "At Ernst & Young, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough but we are also trained to be extremely efficient".

The third accountant finishes and walks straight for the door. "At Arthur Andersen, we don't pee on our hands".

The Airline Joke

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean"

The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane"

After this announcement all the pasengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request.
Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.

The captain once again made an annoucement:
"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean.
All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of the plane, "HANK YOU FOR FLYING LUFTHANSA."

British Airways
"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew. I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic."

"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off."

"If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message."

Jacky Wu


01.有一隻熊走過來             有備而來(有bear來)
02. 第十一本書               不可思議(book11)
03. 哪一種蝙蝠不用休息           不修邊幅(不休蝙蝠)
04. 一個人被刷成金色            一鳴驚人(一名金人)
05. 羊停止了呼吸              揚眉吐氣(羊没吐氣)
06.手機不可以掉到馬桶裡          機不可失(濕)
07.小玉對小明說她爸爸性無能        欲罷不能(玉爸不能)
08.狗過了獨木橋就不叫了          過目不忘(過木不汪)
09.蜜蜂停在日曆上             風和日丽(蜂和日曆)
10.兩個男人坐在石頭上           一石二鳥
11.一群女人在聊天             無稽之談(無雞之談)
12.一群人拿雞蛋砸槍            槍林彈雨(槍淋蛋雨)
13.畫家喜歡畫粗的繩子不喜歡畫細的繩子   出神入化(粗繩入畫)
14.搬建中的鋼琴              一見鍾情(移建中琴)
15.拿筷子吃飯               膾炙人口(筷至人口)
16.雞與鴨的對話              雞同鴨講
17.一百零一了               一了百了
18.有十隻羊,九隻蹲在羊圈,一隻蹲在豬圈   抑揚頓挫(一羊蹲錯)
19.羊打電話給老鷹,老鷹接起電話說 喂   陽奉陰違(羊phone 鷹 喂)
20.誰家?有電話?             天衣(天衣無縫 phone)
21.誰最了解鳥類?             驚弓(驚弓之鳥)知鳥
22.古人為什麼要臥冰求鯉?         冰冰有鯉(禮)
23.為什麼公馬跑的比母馬快?        快馬加鞭
24.為什麼帽子髒了要翻面再戴?       張冠李戴(髒冠裡戴)
25.為什麼剛出生的小孩就死了?       出生入死
26.什么动物没有方向感—— 麋鹿 迷路
27.為什麼老師從小就叮嚀我們要珍惜四支箭? 光陰似箭(四箭)
28.為什麼附中?               胎死腹中(附中)
29.怎樣讓鴨子不會飛走?          插一隻翅膀給牠(插翅難飛)
30.怎樣使麻雀安靜下來?          壓牠一下(鴉雀無聲 壓雀 無聲)
31.那位古人跑的最快? 曹操 说曹操曹操就到
32.哪一種蛇有很多嘴巴?          七嘴八舌(蛇)
33.洗臉的叫臉盆 那洗手的呢?        金盆(金盆洗手)
34.喝哪一種果汁最辛苦?          絞盡腦汁
35.在地獄的斷頭台看得到什麼?        鬼頭鬼腦
36.神的交通工具是什么?宝贝 神奇(骑)宝贝
37.如何分辨香肉店與狗肉店的不同?    狗肉店店門口會掛羊頭(掛羊頭賣狗肉)
38.什么动物可以贴在墙上? 海豹(报)贴在墙壁上
39.什么颜色最会模仿? 红(磨坊)模仿
40.星星有多重?              8 公克 (starbucks 星八克)
41.溜馬隊的miller死了以後會變什麼?    彌勒佛
42.為什麼”七上八下”七在八的上面?    (超欠打的~~)因為 八在七的下面
43.為什麼你看不到上帝的老二?      天機不可洩漏(天雞)
44.哪一首歌歌詞有”李玟”?       月亮代表我的心( 李玟我愛你有多深....)
45.什么鸡最慢? 尼可 基德曼
46.哪一種蛇生命力最強?         三吋不爛之舌(蛇)
47.為什麼冰山只有一角 ?         另一隻腳被鐵達尼號撞斷了
48.為什麼漢子不出門?          因為 出了門就變 門外漢
49.辣妹什么地方最香? 腊梅处处香
50.最排斥你的人是谁? 大肠,因为你是大便.
51.av女优最喜欢周华健的什么歌—— 亲亲我的宝贝
52.会大便的面是什么 ——拉面
53.小男孩子小便,打一歌名? 陶哲(吉吉)(掏鸡鸡)
54.猴子最讨厌什么线? 并行线,因为没有相交(香蕉)
55.象皮、老虎皮、狮子皮哪一个比较差? 象皮,因为橡皮擦(象皮差)
56.狼、老虎和狮子谁玩游戏一定会被淘汰? 狼,因为:桃太郎(淘汰狼)
57.孔子有三位徒****贡.子路.和子游,请问哪一位不是人? 子路,因为指鹿为马(子路为马)
58.布跟纸怕什么? 不怕一万只怕万一 (布怕一万纸怕万一)
59.麒麟飞到北极会变成什么? 冰淇淋(冰麒麟)
60.星星.月亮.太阳哪一个是哑巴? 星星,因为:鲁冰花歌中有一句「天上的星星不说话」
61.铅笔姓什么? 萧,因为:削(萧)铅笔
62.马、虎、狼三种动物,请问是谁把龙藏起来了呢? 狼,因为:卧虎藏龙(wolf藏龙
63.为什么蚕宝宝很有钱? 因为.....蚕会结茧(节俭)
64.蝴蝶, 蚂蚁, 蜘蛛, 蜈蚣, 哪一个没有领到酬劳? 蜈蚣,因为:无功(蜈蚣)不受禄
65.哪为历史人物最欠扁? 苏武,因为:苏武牧羊北海边(被海扁)
66.有位媽媽生了連體嬰,姊姊叫瑪丽,那麼妹妹叫做什麼 夢露 瑪丽蓮(連)夢露