How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynaecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Good theory over the dinner
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, let me give you an analogy; there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, "So..Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, let me give you an analogy. A man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties! , it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."
This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, "So..Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, let me give you an analogy. A man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties! , it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."
CARROTS, EGGS AND COFFEE BEANS
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.
She let them sit and boil without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft and mushy. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hardened egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee.
The daughter smiled as she tasted its deep flavour and inhaled its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What's the point, mother?"
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water - but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin, outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.
"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong? But with pain and adversity, do I wilt and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a fluid spirit but, after death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water - the very circumstance that brings the adversity, the pain, the hardship into something quite wonderful. When the water gets hot, it releases it's fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better, and change the situation around you for the better.
When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level? How do you handle adversity?
ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?
(Somehow, wake up and smell the coffee takes on a whole new meaning)
Author Unknown
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.
She let them sit and boil without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft and mushy. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hardened egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee.
The daughter smiled as she tasted its deep flavour and inhaled its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What's the point, mother?"
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water - but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin, outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.
"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong? But with pain and adversity, do I wilt and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a fluid spirit but, after death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water - the very circumstance that brings the adversity, the pain, the hardship into something quite wonderful. When the water gets hot, it releases it's fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better, and change the situation around you for the better.
When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level? How do you handle adversity?
ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?
(Somehow, wake up and smell the coffee takes on a whole new meaning)
Author Unknown
The Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies
Choose one from below as your Out of Office?
The Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies :
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system .You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
11: I've run away to join a different circus. AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE :
12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.
The Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies :
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system .You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
11: I've run away to join a different circus. AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE :
12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.
America's corporate quotes
A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some of the submissions.
1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning entry, from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corporation in Redmond, WA)
2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)
3. How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff? (Programming intern, Microsoft IIS development team)
4. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting Mgr., Electric Boat Company)
5. This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Mktg. Mgr., UPS)
6. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
7. My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected. (CIO of Dell Computers)
8. Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what 'I' say." (Mktg. executive, Citrix Corporation)
9. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping Executive, FTD Florists)
10. We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees. (AT&T Long Lines Division)
11. We recently received a memo from senior management saying, "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)
12. One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New Business Mgr., Hallmark Cards)
13. As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo reviewing our company's training programs and materials. In the body of the memo one of the sentences mentioned the "pedagogical approach" used by one of the training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to the executive committee, I was called into the HR Director's office, and was told that the executive VP wanted me out of the building by lunch. When I asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for "perverts" (pedophiles?) working in her company. Finally he showed me her copy of the memo, with her demand that I be fired, with the word pedagogical" circled in red. The HR Manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his dictionary and made a copy of the definition to send to my boss, he told me not to worry. He would take care of it. Two days later a memo to the entire staff came out, directing us that no words which could not be found in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A month later, I resigned. In accordance with company policy, I created my resignation letter by pasting words together from the Sunday paper. (Taco Bell Corporation)
14. This gem is the closing paragraph of a nationally-circulated memo from a large communications company: "Lucent Technologies is determined to promote constant attention on current procedures of transacting business focusing emphasis on innovative ways to better, if not supercede, the expectations of quality!"
15. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing /3M Corp.)
1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning entry, from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corporation in Redmond, WA)
2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)
3. How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff? (Programming intern, Microsoft IIS development team)
4. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting Mgr., Electric Boat Company)
5. This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Mktg. Mgr., UPS)
6. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
7. My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected. (CIO of Dell Computers)
8. Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what 'I' say." (Mktg. executive, Citrix Corporation)
9. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping Executive, FTD Florists)
10. We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees. (AT&T Long Lines Division)
11. We recently received a memo from senior management saying, "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)
12. One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New Business Mgr., Hallmark Cards)
13. As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo reviewing our company's training programs and materials. In the body of the memo one of the sentences mentioned the "pedagogical approach" used by one of the training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to the executive committee, I was called into the HR Director's office, and was told that the executive VP wanted me out of the building by lunch. When I asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for "perverts" (pedophiles?) working in her company. Finally he showed me her copy of the memo, with her demand that I be fired, with the word pedagogical" circled in red. The HR Manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his dictionary and made a copy of the definition to send to my boss, he told me not to worry. He would take care of it. Two days later a memo to the entire staff came out, directing us that no words which could not be found in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A month later, I resigned. In accordance with company policy, I created my resignation letter by pasting words together from the Sunday paper. (Taco Bell Corporation)
14. This gem is the closing paragraph of a nationally-circulated memo from a large communications company: "Lucent Technologies is determined to promote constant attention on current procedures of transacting business focusing emphasis on innovative ways to better, if not supercede, the expectations of quality!"
15. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing /3M Corp.)
Thanks to Mum
感激不盡』與『視而不見』~~
陌生人請一碗麵，我都那麼感激，而我媽一個人辛苦地養我也煮了二十多年的麵和飯給我吃，我怎麼沒有感激她呢？
別人給予一點小惠你就「感激不盡」，卻對親人，父母的一輩子恩情「視而不見」！
那晚，佳芬跟媽媽吵架之後什麼都沒帶，就隻身往外跑。
可是，走了一段路，佳芬發現，她身上竟然一毛都沒帶，連打電話銅板也沒有！
她走著走著肚子餓了，看到前面有個麵攤，香噴噴的，好想吃！可是，她沒錢！
過一陣子後，麵攤老闆看到佳芬還站在那邊，久久沒離去，就問：「小姐，請問妳是不是要吃麵？」
「可是．．．可是我忘了帶錢．．」佳芬不好意思地回答。
麵攤老闆熱心地說：「沒關係，我可以請妳吃ㄚ！」「來，我下碗餛飩麵給妳吃！」不久，老闆端來麵和一些小菜。
佳芬吃了幾口，竟然掉下眼淚來。
「小姐，妳怎麼ㄌㄚ？」老闆問。
「沒有ㄌㄚ，我只是很感激！」佳芬擦著淚水，對老闆說道：「你是陌生人，我們又不認識，只不過在路上看到我，就對我這麼好，願意煮麵給我吃！可是..我自己的媽媽，我跟她吵架，她竟然把我趕出來，還叫我不要再回去！．．．」
「你是陌生人都 能對我這麼好，而我自己的媽媽，竟然對我這麼絕情！．．．．」
老闆聽了，委婉地說道：「小姐ㄚ，妳怎麼會這樣想呢！妳想想看我不過煮一碗麵給妳吃，妳就這麼感激我，那妳自己媽媽，煮了十多年的麵和飯給妳吃，妳怎麼不會感激她呢？妳怎麼還要跟她吵架?」
佳芬一聽，整個人楞住了！是ㄚ！
陌生人的一碗麵，我都那麼感激，而我媽一個人辛苦地養我也煮了二十多年的麵和飯給我吃，我怎麼沒有感激她呢？
而且，只為了小小的事，就和媽媽大吵一架。
匆匆吃完麵後，佳芬鼓起勇氣，往家的方向走，她好想真心地對媽說：「媽，對不起，我錯了！」當佳芬走到家巷口時，看到疲憊、著急的母親，已經在四處地張望..........看到佳芬時，媽媽就先開口說：「阿芬ㄚ，趕快回去吧！我飯都已經煮好，妳再不趕快回去吃，菜都涼了！」此時，佳芬的眼淚，又不爭氣地掉了下來！。
有時候，我們會對別人給予小惠「感激不盡」，卻對親人，父母的一輩子恩情「視而不見」！
陌生人請一碗麵，我都那麼感激，而我媽一個人辛苦地養我也煮了二十多年的麵和飯給我吃，我怎麼沒有感激她呢？
別人給予一點小惠你就「感激不盡」，卻對親人，父母的一輩子恩情「視而不見」！
那晚，佳芬跟媽媽吵架之後什麼都沒帶，就隻身往外跑。
可是，走了一段路，佳芬發現，她身上竟然一毛都沒帶，連打電話銅板也沒有！
她走著走著肚子餓了，看到前面有個麵攤，香噴噴的，好想吃！可是，她沒錢！
過一陣子後，麵攤老闆看到佳芬還站在那邊，久久沒離去，就問：「小姐，請問妳是不是要吃麵？」
「可是．．．可是我忘了帶錢．．」佳芬不好意思地回答。
麵攤老闆熱心地說：「沒關係，我可以請妳吃ㄚ！」「來，我下碗餛飩麵給妳吃！」不久，老闆端來麵和一些小菜。
佳芬吃了幾口，竟然掉下眼淚來。
「小姐，妳怎麼ㄌㄚ？」老闆問。
「沒有ㄌㄚ，我只是很感激！」佳芬擦著淚水，對老闆說道：「你是陌生人，我們又不認識，只不過在路上看到我，就對我這麼好，願意煮麵給我吃！可是..我自己的媽媽，我跟她吵架，她竟然把我趕出來，還叫我不要再回去！．．．」
「你是陌生人都 能對我這麼好，而我自己的媽媽，竟然對我這麼絕情！．．．．」
老闆聽了，委婉地說道：「小姐ㄚ，妳怎麼會這樣想呢！妳想想看我不過煮一碗麵給妳吃，妳就這麼感激我，那妳自己媽媽，煮了十多年的麵和飯給妳吃，妳怎麼不會感激她呢？妳怎麼還要跟她吵架?」
佳芬一聽，整個人楞住了！是ㄚ！
陌生人的一碗麵，我都那麼感激，而我媽一個人辛苦地養我也煮了二十多年的麵和飯給我吃，我怎麼沒有感激她呢？
而且，只為了小小的事，就和媽媽大吵一架。
匆匆吃完麵後，佳芬鼓起勇氣，往家的方向走，她好想真心地對媽說：「媽，對不起，我錯了！」當佳芬走到家巷口時，看到疲憊、著急的母親，已經在四處地張望..........看到佳芬時，媽媽就先開口說：「阿芬ㄚ，趕快回去吧！我飯都已經煮好，妳再不趕快回去吃，菜都涼了！」此時，佳芬的眼淚，又不爭氣地掉了下來！。
有時候，我們會對別人給予小惠「感激不盡」，卻對親人，父母的一輩子恩情「視而不見」！
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Five surgeons
Five surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on.
The first surgeon says: "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds: "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says: "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable."
The first surgeon says: "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds: "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says: "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable."
Saturday, September 16, 2006
HR Memo-Effective September 2006
To all Employees:
Effective July 2006
Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Holiday Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Compassionate Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Regards,
Management
Effective July 2006
Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Holiday Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Compassionate Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Regards,
Management
Confusing English
1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
8. Why is it called building when it is already built?
9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?
11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Humans ???
13. If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this???
Get Back to WORK
2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
8. Why is it called building when it is already built?
9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?
11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Humans ???
13. If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this???
Get Back to WORK
Monday, August 21, 2006
Shooting Yourself in the Foot
The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you're currently using. This guide is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such dilemmas.
C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."
FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, than you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling ability.
Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER. on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds ....
BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.
APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it fewer characters.
Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.
Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.
Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
Unix: % ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o % rm *.o rm:.o: No such file or directory % ls %
Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.
Revelation: You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.
Visual Basic: You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care.
Prolog: You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain.
370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
Ada: After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type. Generally speaking, Ada will not allow such foolish attempts in safe mode. And if you do shoot your own foot, the ambulance is already on its way.
Assembly: You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot.
C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."
FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, than you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling ability.
Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER. on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds ....
BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.
APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it fewer characters.
Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.
Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.
Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
Unix: % ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o % rm *.o rm:.o: No such file or directory % ls %
Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.
Revelation: You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.
Visual Basic: You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care.
Prolog: You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain.
370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
Ada: After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type. Generally speaking, Ada will not allow such foolish attempts in safe mode. And if you do shoot your own foot, the ambulance is already on its way.
Assembly: You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
THE NEW DICTIONARY
Websters came out with a new dictionary to reflect the modern times.
Here are a few highlight of what's inside.
ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
GOSSIP:
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.
INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MYTH:
A female moth.
MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.
YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES:
Something other people have. You have character lines.
and one to tell your boss...
TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
Here are a few highlight of what's inside.
ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
GOSSIP:
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.
INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MYTH:
A female moth.
MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.
YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES:
Something other people have. You have character lines.
and one to tell your boss...
TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Latest Oxford Dictonary
Divorce
Future tense of marriage
Cigarette
A pints of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a foll on the other hand
Lecture
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing throught the minds of either
Conference
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present
Compromise
the art of diving a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece
Tears
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power....
Dictionary
A place where sucess comes before work
Conference Room
A Place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic
A book which people praise, but do not read
Smile
A curve that can set a lot of things straight
Office
A place where you can relax after your strenous home life
Yawn
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth
Etc.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
Committee
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together
Experience
the name men gibve to their mistakes
Atom Bomb
an invention to end all inventions
Philosopher
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead
Diplomat
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip
Opportunist
a person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river
Optimist
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway " see i am not injured yet"
Miser
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich
Father
a banker provided by nature
Criminal
a guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught
Boss
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early
Politician
One who shakes your hand before electorns and your confidence after
Doctor
A person who kill your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Future tense of marriage
Cigarette
A pints of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a foll on the other hand
Lecture
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing throught the minds of either
Conference
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present
Compromise
the art of diving a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece
Tears
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power....
Dictionary
A place where sucess comes before work
Conference Room
A Place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic
A book which people praise, but do not read
Smile
A curve that can set a lot of things straight
Office
A place where you can relax after your strenous home life
Yawn
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth
Etc.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
Committee
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together
Experience
the name men gibve to their mistakes
Atom Bomb
an invention to end all inventions
Philosopher
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead
Diplomat
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip
Opportunist
a person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river
Optimist
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway " see i am not injured yet"
Miser
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich
Father
a banker provided by nature
Criminal
a guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught
Boss
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early
Politician
One who shakes your hand before electorns and your confidence after
Doctor
A person who kill your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Bad side of perceptions
"STAFF DESCRIPTIONS"
Outgoing Personality..........Always going out of the office
Good Communication Skills.......Spends lots of time on phone
Average Employee..............................Not too bright
Exceptionally Well Qualified......Made no major blunders yet
Work is First Priority................Too ugly to get a date
Active Socially.................................Drinks a lot
Family is Active Socially.................Spouse drinks, too
Independent Worker.............Nobody knows what he/she does
Quick Thinking......................Offers plausible excuses
Careful Thinker........................Won't make a decision
Aggressive..........................................Obnoxious
Uses Logic on Difficult Jobs......Gets someone else to do it
Expresses Himself Well.....................Speaks English
Meticulous Attention to Detail..................A nit picker
Has Leadership Qualities.........Is tall or has a loud voice
Exceptionally Good Judgment...........................Lucky
Keen Sense of Humor...............Knows a lot of dirty jokes
Career Minded...................................Back Stabber
Loyal..........................Can't get a job anywhere else
Outgoing Personality..........Always going out of the office
Good Communication Skills.......Spends lots of time on phone
Average Employee..............................Not too bright
Exceptionally Well Qualified......Made no major blunders yet
Work is First Priority................Too ugly to get a date
Active Socially.................................Drinks a lot
Family is Active Socially.................Spouse drinks, too
Independent Worker.............Nobody knows what he/she does
Quick Thinking......................Offers plausible excuses
Careful Thinker........................Won't make a decision
Aggressive..........................................Obnoxious
Uses Logic on Difficult Jobs......Gets someone else to do it
Expresses Himself Well.....................Speaks English
Meticulous Attention to Detail..................A nit picker
Has Leadership Qualities.........Is tall or has a loud voice
Exceptionally Good Judgment...........................Lucky
Keen Sense of Humor...............Knows a lot of dirty jokes
Career Minded...................................Back Stabber
Loyal..........................Can't get a job anywhere else
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
10 Things Women Should Know About Men
1. Don't think you can ever change a man unless he wears diapers.
2. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
3. If he asks you if he's your first tell him, "You may be, you look familiar."
4. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions.
5. Men are all the same they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
6. Go for young men they never mature anyway.
7. Never let your man's mind wander it's too little to be let out alone.
8. If they put a man on the moon they should be able to put them all there.
9. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was clean.
10. Women don't make fools of men most of men are the do-it-yourself type.
2. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
3. If he asks you if he's your first tell him, "You may be, you look familiar."
4. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions.
5. Men are all the same they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
6. Go for young men they never mature anyway.
7. Never let your man's mind wander it's too little to be let out alone.
8. If they put a man on the moon they should be able to put them all there.
9. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was clean.
10. Women don't make fools of men most of men are the do-it-yourself type.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Cameron Highlands Field Trip
Ain't they cute...
Some of the mini plants that I bought from Cameron Highlands...
Some of the mini plants that I bought from Cameron Highlands...
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
Those who are still single may learn something from here....
Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage....
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that _expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the _expression "the labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a "feeling".
Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage....
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that _expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the _expression "the labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a "feeling".
EASY DIFFICULT
Easy is to get a place is someone's address book.
Difficult is to get a place in someone's heart.
Easy is to judge the mistakes of others
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes
Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to refrain the tongue
Easy is to hurt someone who loves us.
Difficult is to heal the wound...
Easy is to forgive others
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness
Easy is to set rules.
Difficult is to follow them...
Easy is to dream every night.
Difficult is to fight for a dream...
Easy is to show victory.
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...
Easy is to admire a full moon.
Difficult to see the other side...
Easy is to stumble with a stone.
Difficult is to get up...
Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult to give its real value...
Easy is to promise something to someone.
Difficult is to fulfill that promise...
Easy is to say we love.
Difficult is to show it every day...
Easy is to criticize others.
Difficult is to improve oneself...
Easy is to make mistakes.
Difficult is to learn from them...
Easy is to weep for a lost love.
Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it.
Easy is to think about improving.
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action...
Easy is to think bad of others
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...
Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give
Easy to read this
Difficult to follow
Easy is keep the friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings.
Difficult is to get a place in someone's heart.
Easy is to judge the mistakes of others
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes
Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to refrain the tongue
Easy is to hurt someone who loves us.
Difficult is to heal the wound...
Easy is to forgive others
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness
Easy is to set rules.
Difficult is to follow them...
Easy is to dream every night.
Difficult is to fight for a dream...
Easy is to show victory.
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...
Easy is to admire a full moon.
Difficult to see the other side...
Easy is to stumble with a stone.
Difficult is to get up...
Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult to give its real value...
Easy is to promise something to someone.
Difficult is to fulfill that promise...
Easy is to say we love.
Difficult is to show it every day...
Easy is to criticize others.
Difficult is to improve oneself...
Easy is to make mistakes.
Difficult is to learn from them...
Easy is to weep for a lost love.
Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it.
Easy is to think about improving.
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action...
Easy is to think bad of others
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...
Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give
Easy to read this
Difficult to follow
Easy is keep the friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Jokes for July
1. Haircuts
---------------------------------
The difference between men and women
Haircuts -- Women's version:
Woman1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman1: Oh God, no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts -- I think that would look so cute. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman1: Oh, that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms -- see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier . . .
Haircuts -- Men's version:
Man1: Haircut?
Man2: Yeah.
2. I'm A College Graduate (the classic)
----------------------------------
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."
---------------------------------
The difference between men and women
Haircuts -- Women's version:
Woman1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman1: Oh God, no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts -- I think that would look so cute. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman1: Oh, that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms -- see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier . . .
Haircuts -- Men's version:
Man1: Haircut?
Man2: Yeah.
2. I'm A College Graduate (the classic)
----------------------------------
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."
THE WALL STREET JOURNAL ON TONY FERNANDES OF AIRASIA
AIRASIA FOUNDER LIKES WORKERS TO SPEAK UP
(From THE WALL STREET JOURNAL ASIA)
Malaysian Tony Fernandes founded AirAsia, Asia 's first low-cost carrier, in 2001 and expanded the company by setting up joint-venture airlines in Thailand and Indonesia. Mr. Fernandes, 42 years old, graduated from the University of London in 1987 with a finance degree and in 1992 moved back to Malaysia, where he became managing director of Warner Music Malaysia,
and later, vice-president of Warner's Southeast Asian operations. He quit in 2001 to start AirAsia.
One of Malaysia 's most outspoken business executives, Mr. Fernandes not only has strong ideas on the way airlines should be run, but also how Southeast Asia 's top-down corporate culture should change. He spoke to reporter Cris Prystay about his style.
WSJ: What was your first job and what did you learn from it?
Mr. Fernandes: My first job was a waiter in London at the Cavendish Hotel. I was 17. I learned that working was hard and you had to be professional, even as a waiter. You had other colleagues. If my performance was poor, it let down the whole team. My first [career] job was as an accountant at an auditor in London. It was mind-blowingly boring. I was a junior auditor and was photocopying and adding up rows of columns. The big lesson there: make sure you go into a job that you enjoy. Otherwise, you don't give any value to your employer, and you certainly don't add any value to your own mind.
WSJ: Who gave you the best business advice?
Mr. Fernandes: It was probably Stephen Shrimpton (the former chief executive officer of Warner Music International) at Warner. I was a man in a rush. I was 28 when I became the managing director of Warner Music Malaysia, and I wanted to be the regional MD. I wanted to take over the world. One night, Steve talked to me outside the Sheraton Hotel in Hong
Kong for three hours. He told me there's no need to rush and that it's about developing my own personality and making sure I'm ready for the next job. I see that now: No matter how bright someone is at 25, there's nothing like experience. He slowed me down, and made me understand that you need to take time -- to understand the business better, to understand your
people better.
WSJ: What's the one thing you wish every new hire knew?
Mr. Fernandes: Humility -- and knowing what the real world is like. The new generation is coming in pretty soft. A lot of these young guys haven't lived through a recession. There are plenty of jobs out there and they think, "I can always walk into another job." The hunger and determination to do their best is sometimes not there.
WSJ: Is there a difference between the management culture in Asia and the West?
Mr. Fernandes: The management culture here is very top-down. There's less creativity and fewer people who are willing to speak out. They're more implementers than doers. There's less freedom of speech, and that impacts the business world. Even when they know things are not right, they won't speak out. They just do what they're told to do.
WSJ: What's the biggest management challenge you face?
Mr. Fernandes: To get people to think. At AirAsia, we want 4,000 brains working for us. My biggest challenge is to get people to talk, to express themselves, to get people to challenge me and say "Tony, you're talking rubbish." That's what I want, not people who say "Yes, sir." The senior management doesn't have all the answers. I want the guy on the ramp to have the confidence to tell me what's wrong.
WSJ: What are you doing to clear that hurdle?
Mr. Fernandes: We have no offices. We dress down. You wear a suit, and you put distance between you and your staff. We're on a first-name basis. I go around the office, around the check-in desks, the planes constantly, talking to people. Fifty percent of my job is managing people in the company. You get people to open up to you by just asking them to do it, and then responding to them. You don't send a memo, or do some "speak up" incentive program. It's got to be from the heart.
WSJ: What was the most satisfying decision you've made as a manager?
Mr. Fernandes: Once a month, I carry bags with the ramp boys, or I'm cabin crew, or at the check-in. I do this to get close to the operation. I also want to know my people. When I first started this, I met all these bright kids at the check-in or carrying bags. We were starting this cadet pilot program, and I said, "Let's open it up to anyone. Let some of these kids apply." They have the brains, but they just didn't have the money to get the education. Out of the first batch of 19 cadets, 11 came from within the company. Some of these boys got the highest marks ever in the flying academy. There was one kid who joined us to carry bags, and 18 months later he was a First Officer of a 737. Can you imagine what that does for the motivation in the company? Everyone talks about developing human capital, but we did it.
(From THE WALL STREET JOURNAL ASIA)
Malaysian Tony Fernandes founded AirAsia, Asia 's first low-cost carrier, in 2001 and expanded the company by setting up joint-venture airlines in Thailand and Indonesia. Mr. Fernandes, 42 years old, graduated from the University of London in 1987 with a finance degree and in 1992 moved back to Malaysia, where he became managing director of Warner Music Malaysia,
and later, vice-president of Warner's Southeast Asian operations. He quit in 2001 to start AirAsia.
One of Malaysia 's most outspoken business executives, Mr. Fernandes not only has strong ideas on the way airlines should be run, but also how Southeast Asia 's top-down corporate culture should change. He spoke to reporter Cris Prystay about his style.
WSJ: What was your first job and what did you learn from it?
Mr. Fernandes: My first job was a waiter in London at the Cavendish Hotel. I was 17. I learned that working was hard and you had to be professional, even as a waiter. You had other colleagues. If my performance was poor, it let down the whole team. My first [career] job was as an accountant at an auditor in London. It was mind-blowingly boring. I was a junior auditor and was photocopying and adding up rows of columns. The big lesson there: make sure you go into a job that you enjoy. Otherwise, you don't give any value to your employer, and you certainly don't add any value to your own mind.
WSJ: Who gave you the best business advice?
Mr. Fernandes: It was probably Stephen Shrimpton (the former chief executive officer of Warner Music International) at Warner. I was a man in a rush. I was 28 when I became the managing director of Warner Music Malaysia, and I wanted to be the regional MD. I wanted to take over the world. One night, Steve talked to me outside the Sheraton Hotel in Hong
Kong for three hours. He told me there's no need to rush and that it's about developing my own personality and making sure I'm ready for the next job. I see that now: No matter how bright someone is at 25, there's nothing like experience. He slowed me down, and made me understand that you need to take time -- to understand the business better, to understand your
people better.
WSJ: What's the one thing you wish every new hire knew?
Mr. Fernandes: Humility -- and knowing what the real world is like. The new generation is coming in pretty soft. A lot of these young guys haven't lived through a recession. There are plenty of jobs out there and they think, "I can always walk into another job." The hunger and determination to do their best is sometimes not there.
WSJ: Is there a difference between the management culture in Asia and the West?
Mr. Fernandes: The management culture here is very top-down. There's less creativity and fewer people who are willing to speak out. They're more implementers than doers. There's less freedom of speech, and that impacts the business world. Even when they know things are not right, they won't speak out. They just do what they're told to do.
WSJ: What's the biggest management challenge you face?
Mr. Fernandes: To get people to think. At AirAsia, we want 4,000 brains working for us. My biggest challenge is to get people to talk, to express themselves, to get people to challenge me and say "Tony, you're talking rubbish." That's what I want, not people who say "Yes, sir." The senior management doesn't have all the answers. I want the guy on the ramp to have the confidence to tell me what's wrong.
WSJ: What are you doing to clear that hurdle?
Mr. Fernandes: We have no offices. We dress down. You wear a suit, and you put distance between you and your staff. We're on a first-name basis. I go around the office, around the check-in desks, the planes constantly, talking to people. Fifty percent of my job is managing people in the company. You get people to open up to you by just asking them to do it, and then responding to them. You don't send a memo, or do some "speak up" incentive program. It's got to be from the heart.
WSJ: What was the most satisfying decision you've made as a manager?
Mr. Fernandes: Once a month, I carry bags with the ramp boys, or I'm cabin crew, or at the check-in. I do this to get close to the operation. I also want to know my people. When I first started this, I met all these bright kids at the check-in or carrying bags. We were starting this cadet pilot program, and I said, "Let's open it up to anyone. Let some of these kids apply." They have the brains, but they just didn't have the money to get the education. Out of the first batch of 19 cadets, 11 came from within the company. Some of these boys got the highest marks ever in the flying academy. There was one kid who joined us to carry bags, and 18 months later he was a First Officer of a 737. Can you imagine what that does for the motivation in the company? Everyone talks about developing human capital, but we did it.
CHINESE+ENGLISH = CHINGLISH
You might like this. This is hilarious... even an Englishman could not construct sentences using numeric, which is exclusive only to Malaysians and Singaporeans.
Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with... 1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushes out and wanted to 5 with me. I run until I fall 6 and throw up. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he runs away.
So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asks me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand, I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with... 1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushes out and wanted to 5 with me. I run until I fall 6 and throw up. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he runs away.
So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asks me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand, I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
10 Things Happy Couples Do
Happy couples know that the real relationship begins when the honeymoon is over. They know that unless you maintain the garden of love, its beauty will wither and die. In a recent column, you discovered the 10 relationship mistakes to avoid. Now discover the 10 things that happy couples do:
1. Go to bed at the same time.
Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn't wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.
2. Cultivate common interests.
After the passion settles down, it's common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don't minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.
3. Walk hand in hand or side by side.
Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it's more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.
4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode.
If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can't resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.
5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong.
If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.
6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work.
Our skin has a memory of "good touch" (loved), "bad touch" (abused) and "no touch" (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the "good touch," which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.
7. Say "I love you" and "Have a good day" every morning.
This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.
8. Say "Good night" every night, regardless of how you feel.
This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.
9. Do a "weather" check during the day.
Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you're more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.
10. Be proud to be seen with your partner.
Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact -- hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.
Even if these actions don't come naturally, happy couples stick with them until they do become a part of their relationship. They know that it takes 30 days for a change in behavior to become a habit, and a minimum of six months for a habit to become a way of life and love.
"Life is not about what you've gained, it's about what you've done"
1. Go to bed at the same time.
Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn't wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.
2. Cultivate common interests.
After the passion settles down, it's common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don't minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.
3. Walk hand in hand or side by side.
Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it's more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.
4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode.
If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can't resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.
5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong.
If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.
6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work.
Our skin has a memory of "good touch" (loved), "bad touch" (abused) and "no touch" (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the "good touch," which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.
7. Say "I love you" and "Have a good day" every morning.
This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.
8. Say "Good night" every night, regardless of how you feel.
This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.
9. Do a "weather" check during the day.
Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you're more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.
10. Be proud to be seen with your partner.
Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact -- hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.
Even if these actions don't come naturally, happy couples stick with them until they do become a part of their relationship. They know that it takes 30 days for a change in behavior to become a habit, and a minimum of six months for a habit to become a way of life and love.
"Life is not about what you've gained, it's about what you've done"
Another American joke
Queen Elizabeth, Saddam Hussein and Bush died and all went to hell.
Queen Elizabeth said: "I miss England, I wanna call England and see how everybody is doing there" ....
so she called and talked for about 5 minutes.
Then she said: "Well devil, how much do I owe you?"
The devil goes: "five million dollars" ... "Five million dollars!!!????"
She made him a check and went to sit back on her chair.....
Saddam was so jealous, he starts screaming, me too, me too, I wanna call Iraq, I wanna see how everybody is doing too...
He called and talked for about 2 minutes.
Then he said: "Well devil how much do I owe you????"
The devil goes: "ten million dollars"..... "Ten million dollars!!!!!!???"
He made him a check and went to sit back on his chair.....
Bush was extremely jealous too... he starts screaming and screaming...
"I wanna call US! I want to see how everybody is doing there too, I want to talk to the army, ministers, I wanna talk to everybody"...
He called US and he talked for about twenty hours, he was talking and talking and talking.
Then he said: "Well, devil, how much do I owe you????"
The devil goes: "one dollar.....only one dollar."
Bush screamed... ONLY ONE DOLLAR??????
The devil says: "Well, from hell to hell it's a local call."
Queen Elizabeth said: "I miss England, I wanna call England and see how everybody is doing there" ....
so she called and talked for about 5 minutes.
Then she said: "Well devil, how much do I owe you?"
The devil goes: "five million dollars" ... "Five million dollars!!!????"
She made him a check and went to sit back on her chair.....
Saddam was so jealous, he starts screaming, me too, me too, I wanna call Iraq, I wanna see how everybody is doing too...
He called and talked for about 2 minutes.
Then he said: "Well devil how much do I owe you????"
The devil goes: "ten million dollars"..... "Ten million dollars!!!!!!???"
He made him a check and went to sit back on his chair.....
Bush was extremely jealous too... he starts screaming and screaming...
"I wanna call US! I want to see how everybody is doing there too, I want to talk to the army, ministers, I wanna talk to everybody"...
He called US and he talked for about twenty hours, he was talking and talking and talking.
Then he said: "Well, devil, how much do I owe you????"
The devil goes: "one dollar.....only one dollar."
Bush screamed... ONLY ONE DOLLAR??????
The devil says: "Well, from hell to hell it's a local call."
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Top 10 Skin Myths
From Heather Brannon, MD,
Your Guide to Skin Conditions / Acne.
How do you know the information and advice you get about your skin is true? Skin care product companies are trying to sell you their product. Your friends probably have as much medical knowledge as you do. Unfortunately, there are more than 10 skin myths that confuse people, but these are the most popular myths I've seen.
1) Tanning is harmless
Exposure to ultraviolet light, UVA or UVB, accounts for 90% of the symptoms of premature skin aging. Both UVA and UVB radiation can cause skin damage including wrinkles, lowered immunity against infection, aging skin disorders, and cancer. The amount of damage to the skin caused by the sun is determined by the total lifetime amount of radiation exposure and the person's pigment protection.
2) Acne is caused by what you eat
Acne is caused by over production of sebum (oil) and obstruction of the pores. The amount of sebum produced by the skin is regulated by hormones only, not food. This includes chocolate, greasy food, soda, and fast foods. These foods do not have any effect on the hormones that regulate sebum production.
3) Dermatologists can diagnose any skin condition
Medicine is an art, not an exact science. Dermatologists spend at least 3 years learning about various skin disorders. Unfortunately, some people have rashes that fit several different disease profiles. Dermatologists are trained to diagnose a rash by giving a prioritized list of possibilities. Sometimes the response to treatment helps determine the diagnosis.
4) Topical antioxidants reverse wrinkles
Free radicals play an important role in creating wrinkles. Therefore, it makes sense that antioxidants will make skin more youthful. Unfortunately, there are no good scientific studies that show what type of topical antioxidant is effective. This research is being conducted now, but it is still too early. Right now the only topical product that has been proven to improve wrinkles is Retin-A.
5) "All-natural" skin care products are best
What exactly does "all-natural" mean? Unfortunately, this term can mean just about anything, and cosmetics companies use it any way they want. All cosmetics and skin care products have synthetic ingredients in them. Because a skin care product is made from a plant does not mean that it is better for the skin than a product created in a lab.
6) I can't get herpes from someone who doesn't have a rash
Understanding how the herpes simplex virus works is crucial to understanding how it causes lifelong infection. Viral shedding can occur before a rash develops, making it possible to be infected after contact with normal appearing skin.
7) Dry skin causes wrinkles
Wrinkles are caused by many factors as the skin ages. The microscopic changes are distinct and unmistakable. Even though wrinkled skin looks better when it is moisturized, there is no evidence that moisturizer has any effect on the microscopic skin damage. In other words, moisturizers do not have any long-term effect on wrinkles.
8) Expensive skin care products are better than inexpensive ones
The cost of a skin care product or cosmetic is absolutely NOT an indicator of effectiveness. The cosmetics industry would like people to believe that an expensive product has some special ingredient in it that make it more effective. However, there are many products in every category that are effective and don't come with a high price tag.
9) Skin conditions can be cleared up quickly
Some skin conditions such as bacterial infections start improving as soon as you use the right medications. However, many skin conditions such as atopic dermatitis, psoriasis, and seborrhea are chronic, meaning they get better slowly with treatment and reoccur when the treatment stops.
10) Men don't have as many skin problems as women
Men wrinkle as much as women and they get skin conditions such as acne, seborrhea, atopic dermatitis, and psoriasis just like women. Men also have additional concerns surrounding facial hair. While men don't spend as much money as women on wrinkle creams and other skin care products, they also don't use sunscreen and protect their skin enough.
Your Guide to Skin Conditions / Acne.
How do you know the information and advice you get about your skin is true? Skin care product companies are trying to sell you their product. Your friends probably have as much medical knowledge as you do. Unfortunately, there are more than 10 skin myths that confuse people, but these are the most popular myths I've seen.
1) Tanning is harmless
Exposure to ultraviolet light, UVA or UVB, accounts for 90% of the symptoms of premature skin aging. Both UVA and UVB radiation can cause skin damage including wrinkles, lowered immunity against infection, aging skin disorders, and cancer. The amount of damage to the skin caused by the sun is determined by the total lifetime amount of radiation exposure and the person's pigment protection.
2) Acne is caused by what you eat
Acne is caused by over production of sebum (oil) and obstruction of the pores. The amount of sebum produced by the skin is regulated by hormones only, not food. This includes chocolate, greasy food, soda, and fast foods. These foods do not have any effect on the hormones that regulate sebum production.
3) Dermatologists can diagnose any skin condition
Medicine is an art, not an exact science. Dermatologists spend at least 3 years learning about various skin disorders. Unfortunately, some people have rashes that fit several different disease profiles. Dermatologists are trained to diagnose a rash by giving a prioritized list of possibilities. Sometimes the response to treatment helps determine the diagnosis.
4) Topical antioxidants reverse wrinkles
Free radicals play an important role in creating wrinkles. Therefore, it makes sense that antioxidants will make skin more youthful. Unfortunately, there are no good scientific studies that show what type of topical antioxidant is effective. This research is being conducted now, but it is still too early. Right now the only topical product that has been proven to improve wrinkles is Retin-A.
5) "All-natural" skin care products are best
What exactly does "all-natural" mean? Unfortunately, this term can mean just about anything, and cosmetics companies use it any way they want. All cosmetics and skin care products have synthetic ingredients in them. Because a skin care product is made from a plant does not mean that it is better for the skin than a product created in a lab.
6) I can't get herpes from someone who doesn't have a rash
Understanding how the herpes simplex virus works is crucial to understanding how it causes lifelong infection. Viral shedding can occur before a rash develops, making it possible to be infected after contact with normal appearing skin.
7) Dry skin causes wrinkles
Wrinkles are caused by many factors as the skin ages. The microscopic changes are distinct and unmistakable. Even though wrinkled skin looks better when it is moisturized, there is no evidence that moisturizer has any effect on the microscopic skin damage. In other words, moisturizers do not have any long-term effect on wrinkles.
8) Expensive skin care products are better than inexpensive ones
The cost of a skin care product or cosmetic is absolutely NOT an indicator of effectiveness. The cosmetics industry would like people to believe that an expensive product has some special ingredient in it that make it more effective. However, there are many products in every category that are effective and don't come with a high price tag.
9) Skin conditions can be cleared up quickly
Some skin conditions such as bacterial infections start improving as soon as you use the right medications. However, many skin conditions such as atopic dermatitis, psoriasis, and seborrhea are chronic, meaning they get better slowly with treatment and reoccur when the treatment stops.
10) Men don't have as many skin problems as women
Men wrinkle as much as women and they get skin conditions such as acne, seborrhea, atopic dermatitis, and psoriasis just like women. Men also have additional concerns surrounding facial hair. While men don't spend as much money as women on wrinkle creams and other skin care products, they also don't use sunscreen and protect their skin enough.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Is it true there used to be cocaine in Coca-Cola?
Indeed, a certain stimulant was present in the soft drink back in 1886, according to the Soda Museum, but probably in mild amounts. Coca-Cola was named after its two key ingredients -- coca leaves and kola nuts.
Coca leaves contain small amounts of cocaine, and people in the Andean region of South America have a long tradition of chewing them for their effects as a mild stimulant, appetite suppressant, and altitude sickness remedy. To make cocaine powder, a much stronger stimulant, coca leaves undergo elaborate processing that involves washes by kerosene and several chemicals.
Coca-Cola used syrup from the coca leaves that probably introduced trace amounts of the active substance into the drink. But concern about cocaine addiction grew in the early 20th century, and in the United States, the Harrison Act of 1914 banned the use of the drug in non-prescription products.
When technology improved enough to make it possible, Coca-Cola started using "spent" coca leaves, which go through a cocaine extraction process, rather than fresh leaves, for flavor. It gives a whole new meaning to "I'd like to buy the world a Coke," doesn't it?
http://ask.yahoo.com/20060508.html
Coca leaves contain small amounts of cocaine, and people in the Andean region of South America have a long tradition of chewing them for their effects as a mild stimulant, appetite suppressant, and altitude sickness remedy. To make cocaine powder, a much stronger stimulant, coca leaves undergo elaborate processing that involves washes by kerosene and several chemicals.
Coca-Cola used syrup from the coca leaves that probably introduced trace amounts of the active substance into the drink. But concern about cocaine addiction grew in the early 20th century, and in the United States, the Harrison Act of 1914 banned the use of the drug in non-prescription products.
When technology improved enough to make it possible, Coca-Cola started using "spent" coca leaves, which go through a cocaine extraction process, rather than fresh leaves, for flavor. It gives a whole new meaning to "I'd like to buy the world a Coke," doesn't it?
http://ask.yahoo.com/20060508.html
Thursday, May 04, 2006
TRUE LOVE
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
But...
If it just sits in your living room,
messes up your stuff,
eats your food,
uses your telephone,
takes your money,
and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.
Love is like a roller coaster: When it's good you don't want to get off; and when it isn't, you can't wait to throw up.
If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
But...
If it just sits in your living room,
messes up your stuff,
eats your food,
uses your telephone,
takes your money,
and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.
Love is like a roller coaster: When it's good you don't want to get off; and when it isn't, you can't wait to throw up.
Friday, April 28, 2006
DEFINITIONS OF A BACHELOR
** One who avoids Bride-Eyed women.
** One who believes in Life, Liberty and the Happiness
of Pursuit.
** One who believes in Wine, Women and So-Long.
** One who believes that one can live as cheaply as two.
** One who can forget his mistakes.
** One who can get into bed from either side.
** One who can go fishing anytime, until he gets hooked.
** One who can have a girl on his knee without having
her on his hands.
** One who can leave his socks and wallet lying around the house.
** One who can tell his symptoms to his Doctor without having his wife interrupt.
** One who can't be Spouse-Broken.
** One who can't stand the strain of a wife.
** One who cheated some woman out of a divorce.
** One who doesn't have to leave the party when he starts
having a good time.
** One who failed to embrace his opportunities
** One who is a free male.
** One who is allergic to Wedding cakes.
** One who is Foot-Loose and Family-Free.
** One who is known as a Dame Dropper.
** One who is not missing anything in life except a few
buttons on his shirt.
** One who knows all the ankles.
** One who knows how to hold a woman's hand so that she
doesn't get a grip on him.
** One who knows if he has a steady girl on the string he
may wind up on a leash.
** One who knows more about Women than Men. That's why
he is a Bachelor.
** One who leans toward a woman but not far enough to fall.
** One who likes his Girl Friend just the way she is...Single!!!!
** One who looks, but does not leap.
** One who never chases a woman he couldn't outrun.
** One who never knows whom the next kiss is coming from.
** One who never makes the same mistake once.
** One who never met a girl he couldn't live without.
** One who never Mrs. Anything.
** One who never says, "I'll Give You A Ring Tomorrow!"
** One who plays the game of love and manages to retain his amateur outstanding.
** One who thinks he is a thing of Beauty and a Boy forever.
** One who tries to avoid the issue.
** One who usually has his hands full trying to loosen a woman's grip.
** One who wakes up in the morning with all of the blankets.
** One who washes only one set of dishes.
** One who when a girl asks him for a Diamond Ring, he
turns Stone-Deaf.
** One who when he opens the window in his apartment, more
dust blows out than in.
** One who won't take `Yes' for an answer.
** One who would rather change girls than change their names.
** One who would rather cook his own goose.
** One who would rather have a woman on his mind than on his neck.
** One who would rather mend his socks than his ways.
** One who believes in Life, Liberty and the Happiness
of Pursuit.
** One who believes in Wine, Women and So-Long.
** One who believes that one can live as cheaply as two.
** One who can forget his mistakes.
** One who can get into bed from either side.
** One who can go fishing anytime, until he gets hooked.
** One who can have a girl on his knee without having
her on his hands.
** One who can leave his socks and wallet lying around the house.
** One who can tell his symptoms to his Doctor without having his wife interrupt.
** One who can't be Spouse-Broken.
** One who can't stand the strain of a wife.
** One who cheated some woman out of a divorce.
** One who doesn't have to leave the party when he starts
having a good time.
** One who failed to embrace his opportunities
** One who is a free male.
** One who is allergic to Wedding cakes.
** One who is Foot-Loose and Family-Free.
** One who is known as a Dame Dropper.
** One who is not missing anything in life except a few
buttons on his shirt.
** One who knows all the ankles.
** One who knows how to hold a woman's hand so that she
doesn't get a grip on him.
** One who knows if he has a steady girl on the string he
may wind up on a leash.
** One who knows more about Women than Men. That's why
he is a Bachelor.
** One who leans toward a woman but not far enough to fall.
** One who likes his Girl Friend just the way she is...Single!!!!
** One who looks, but does not leap.
** One who never chases a woman he couldn't outrun.
** One who never knows whom the next kiss is coming from.
** One who never makes the same mistake once.
** One who never met a girl he couldn't live without.
** One who never Mrs. Anything.
** One who never says, "I'll Give You A Ring Tomorrow!"
** One who plays the game of love and manages to retain his amateur outstanding.
** One who thinks he is a thing of Beauty and a Boy forever.
** One who tries to avoid the issue.
** One who usually has his hands full trying to loosen a woman's grip.
** One who wakes up in the morning with all of the blankets.
** One who washes only one set of dishes.
** One who when a girl asks him for a Diamond Ring, he
turns Stone-Deaf.
** One who when he opens the window in his apartment, more
dust blows out than in.
** One who won't take `Yes' for an answer.
** One who would rather change girls than change their names.
** One who would rather cook his own goose.
** One who would rather have a woman on his mind than on his neck.
** One who would rather mend his socks than his ways.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SYSTEM - MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET : Man & Women
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SYSTEM - MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
WOMEN: A Chemical Analysis
ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lbs., but known to vary from 75 to550
lbs.
OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities throughout the world
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered with a painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to commonore.
6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no known reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.
COMMON USES:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.
TESTS:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
HAZARDS:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.
*************************************************
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET - MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET
MEN: A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
ELEMENT: MAN
SYMBOL: Ego
DISCOVERER: Eve.
Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs.
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to360lbs.
OCCURRENCE:
Large quantities in all populated areas.
Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars". Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is
required. (See Women and Slave Labor)
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others.
2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense.
3. Melts if treated like a God.
4. Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
5. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
6. Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious andsemi-preciousmetals and stones (See Jewelry Store).
However, is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin combines with the afore mentioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this element.
2. May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.
3. Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking.
4. When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.
5. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
6. Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
7. Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5  8. Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
9. Is impervious to embarrassment.
10. Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman
WOMEN: A Chemical Analysis
ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lbs., but known to vary from 75 to550
lbs.
OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities throughout the world
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered with a painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to commonore.
6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no known reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.
COMMON USES:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.
TESTS:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
HAZARDS:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.
*************************************************
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET - MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET
MEN: A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
ELEMENT: MAN
SYMBOL: Ego
DISCOVERER: Eve.
Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs.
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to360lbs.
OCCURRENCE:
Large quantities in all populated areas.
Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars". Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is
required. (See Women and Slave Labor)
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others.
2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense.
3. Melts if treated like a God.
4. Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
5. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
6. Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious andsemi-preciousmetals and stones (See Jewelry Store).
However, is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin combines with the afore mentioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this element.
2. May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.
3. Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking.
4. When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.
5. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
6. Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
7. Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5  8. Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
9. Is impervious to embarrassment.
10. Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Answering Machine messages...
Some phone answering machine messages which you can consider practicing...
(a). Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya.
We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly.
So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
(b). Hi, this is John.
If you are the phone company, I've already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
(c). Hi, I'm probably home; I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
(d). Please leave a message.
However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
(e). (Sexy female voice with heavy panting)..
Hi, you've reached 555-3456. John is in... (sigh)
Oh no, he's out... (aah) Yes, he's in again...
(ooh) No he's out... (aah)...
Why don't you just leave your name and number and he'll call you as soon as he...comes...
(a). Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya.
We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly.
So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
(b). Hi, this is John.
If you are the phone company, I've already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
(c). Hi, I'm probably home; I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
(d). Please leave a message.
However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
(e). (Sexy female voice with heavy panting)..
Hi, you've reached 555-3456. John is in... (sigh)
Oh no, he's out... (aah) Yes, he's in again...
(ooh) No he's out... (aah)...
Why don't you just leave your name and number and he'll call you as soon as he...comes...
DSS Approach
* Increases the probability of success dramatically
* Reduces time to complete the project
* Focuses on learning just-in-time instead of all-at-once
* Limits training to what is needed
* Allows adapting to the pace of the team and the needs of the business
* Reduces time to complete the project
* Focuses on learning just-in-time instead of all-at-once
* Limits training to what is needed
* Allows adapting to the pace of the team and the needs of the business
F.R.I.E.N.D
My Dad always told me that we could never measure our wealth by money but by our friends. I'm sure our friendship has made me rich!!!
Tiny but wonderful seeds of blessings are sprinkled on earth each day... and I just caught one that's so nice and true...
And it's you!
I may have forgotten to say that I care. I may have failed to open up and share, but though no words have been spoken, my promise of friendship won't be broken.
Time and distance are important between friends. When a friend is in your heart, they remain there forever. I may be busy, but I assure you, you are always in my heart!
Friends are like the walls of a house. Sometimes they hold you up, sometimes you lean on them. But sometimes, it's enough to know they're just standing by.
If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them; I'd be at the bottom to catch them.
One tree can start a forest; one smile can start a friendship.
One touch can show you care; one friend can make life worth living for.
A smile makes us look younger... while friends make us feel stronger... and they make us enjoy life.
Tiny but wonderful seeds of blessings are sprinkled on earth each day... and I just caught one that's so nice and true...
And it's you!
I may have forgotten to say that I care. I may have failed to open up and share, but though no words have been spoken, my promise of friendship won't be broken.
Time and distance are important between friends. When a friend is in your heart, they remain there forever. I may be busy, but I assure you, you are always in my heart!
Friends are like the walls of a house. Sometimes they hold you up, sometimes you lean on them. But sometimes, it's enough to know they're just standing by.
If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them; I'd be at the bottom to catch them.
One tree can start a forest; one smile can start a friendship.
One touch can show you care; one friend can make life worth living for.
A smile makes us look younger... while friends make us feel stronger... and they make us enjoy life.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
I will carry you in my arms until we are old
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb.
She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love.
This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife.
When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.
But I couldn't help doing so. I moved Dew's hands aside and said, you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company.
Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife.
Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dews body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her.
I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious. When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint.
She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded.
I knew I could not hesitate any more. When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly. She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious.
I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart.
The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see.
To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had stressed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but
I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible.
Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?
This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember.
You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.
I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain.
From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door.
She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc.
I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, it seems not difficult to carry you now.
She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried and tried a few but could not find a suitable one.
Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger.
I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it s time to carry mum out. He said.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.
I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.
I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life was lacking of such intimacy.
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I'm serious.
She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won t divorce.
My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry.
I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my life which was her favorite.
The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.
This was the scene of ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb.
She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love.
This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife.
When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.
But I couldn't help doing so. I moved Dew's hands aside and said, you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company.
Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife.
Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dews body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her.
I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious. When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint.
She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded.
I knew I could not hesitate any more. When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly. She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious.
I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart.
The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see.
To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had stressed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but
I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible.
Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?
This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember.
You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.
I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain.
From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door.
She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc.
I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, it seems not difficult to carry you now.
She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried and tried a few but could not find a suitable one.
Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger.
I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it s time to carry mum out. He said.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.
I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.
I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life was lacking of such intimacy.
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I'm serious.
She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won t divorce.
My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry.
I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my life which was her favorite.
The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.
Some poems to make you laugh
Some poems to make you laugh...hopefully.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then
I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack... *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn't it rain on you?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Roses are red, Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but laughing at you.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When your life is in darkness pray to God ask him to free u from darkness and if after you pray and you're still in darkness, please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then
I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack... *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn't it rain on you?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Roses are red, Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but laughing at you.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When your life is in darkness pray to God ask him to free u from darkness and if after you pray and you're still in darkness, please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL!
Monday, April 03, 2006
LETTER TO DAD
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the bed. It was addressed,
"Dad".
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice, even with all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy.
Even though you won't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your son, John
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you!
Call when it is safe for me to come home.
"Dad".
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice, even with all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy.
Even though you won't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your son, John
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you!
Call when it is safe for me to come home.
Lessons in life
A group of working adults got together to visit their University lecturer. The Lecturer was happy to see them. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.
The Lecturer just smiled and went to the kitchen to get an assortment of cups - some porcelain, some in plastic, some in glass, some plain looking and some looked rather expensive and exquisite.
The Lecturer offered his former students the cups to get drinks for themselves.
When all the students had a cup in hand with water, the Lecturer spoke:
"If you noticed, all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal that you only want the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all you wanted was water, not the cup, but we unconsciously went for the better cups."
"Just like in life, if Life is Water, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold/maintain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change."
"If we only concentrate on the cup, we won't have time to enjoy/taste the water in it."
The Lecturer just smiled and went to the kitchen to get an assortment of cups - some porcelain, some in plastic, some in glass, some plain looking and some looked rather expensive and exquisite.
The Lecturer offered his former students the cups to get drinks for themselves.
When all the students had a cup in hand with water, the Lecturer spoke:
"If you noticed, all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal that you only want the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all you wanted was water, not the cup, but we unconsciously went for the better cups."
"Just like in life, if Life is Water, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold/maintain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change."
"If we only concentrate on the cup, we won't have time to enjoy/taste the water in it."
Medical claims
Medical claims
Story of how the human brains works.............
A couple went to a sex therapists office at ABC Hospital. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse" and charged them RM60.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an Appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. Shangri-la charges RM250, Mandarin Oriental charges RM280, Le Meridian charges RM230.
We do it here for RM60, and I get that back from "Medical Claim!"
Story of how the human brains works.............
A couple went to a sex therapists office at ABC Hospital. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse" and charged them RM60.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an Appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. Shangri-la charges RM250, Mandarin Oriental charges RM280, Le Meridian charges RM230.
We do it here for RM60, and I get that back from "Medical Claim!"
Men Are Hard To Please
Men Are Hard To Please
男人很难取悦!!
The problems with GUYS:
男人的问题是：
If u TREATS him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
如果妳对他好，他说妳爱上他了．
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
对他不好，他说妳骄傲．
If u DRESS nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
如果妳穿得很漂亮，他说你企图诱惑他．
If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.
如果不，他说妳是乡下来的
If u ARGUES with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
如果妳跟他理论，他说妳固执
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
如果妳沉默，他说妳没大脑！
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
如果妳比他聪明，他说那是小聪明
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
如果他比你聪明，他就是有智慧！
If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
如果妳不爱他，他想拥有妳
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u. (very true huh?)
如果妳爱他，他试着离开妳．
If u don't make love with him, he says u don't Love him;
如果妳不跟他做爱，他说妳不爱他
If u do!! He says u are CHEAP.
如果跟他做，他说你是贱货！
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
如果妳告诉他妳的问题，他说妳麻烦
If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
如果不，他说妳不信任他
If u SCOLDS him, u are like a NANNY to him;
如果妳骂他，妳好象他奶妈
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
如果他骂妳，是表示他�关心�妳
If u BREAKS your PROMISE, u cannot be TRUSTED;
如果妳没有守承诺，妳就是不可信的人
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
如果他不守承诺，他是迫不得已的
If u SMOKES, u are BAD girl;
如果妳吸烟，妳是坏女孩
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.
如果他吸烟，他是绅士
If u does WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
如果妳考试成绩好，他说是运气
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
如果他考得好，他说是实力！
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
如果妳伤害了他，表示妳很残忍
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!
如果他伤害了妳，表示妳太敏感而且太难取悦！
男人很难取悦!!
The problems with GUYS:
男人的问题是：
If u TREATS him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
如果妳对他好，他说妳爱上他了．
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
对他不好，他说妳骄傲．
If u DRESS nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
如果妳穿得很漂亮，他说你企图诱惑他．
If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.
如果不，他说妳是乡下来的
If u ARGUES with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
如果妳跟他理论，他说妳固执
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
如果妳沉默，他说妳没大脑！
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
如果妳比他聪明，他说那是小聪明
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
如果他比你聪明，他就是有智慧！
If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
如果妳不爱他，他想拥有妳
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u. (very true huh?)
如果妳爱他，他试着离开妳．
If u don't make love with him, he says u don't Love him;
如果妳不跟他做爱，他说妳不爱他
If u do!! He says u are CHEAP.
如果跟他做，他说你是贱货！
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
如果妳告诉他妳的问题，他说妳麻烦
If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
如果不，他说妳不信任他
If u SCOLDS him, u are like a NANNY to him;
如果妳骂他，妳好象他奶妈
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
如果他骂妳，是表示他�关心�妳
If u BREAKS your PROMISE, u cannot be TRUSTED;
如果妳没有守承诺，妳就是不可信的人
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
如果他不守承诺，他是迫不得已的
If u SMOKES, u are BAD girl;
如果妳吸烟，妳是坏女孩
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.
如果他吸烟，他是绅士
If u does WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
如果妳考试成绩好，他说是运气
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
如果他考得好，他说是实力！
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
如果妳伤害了他，表示妳很残忍
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!
如果他伤害了妳，表示妳太敏感而且太难取悦！
Saturday, April 01, 2006
March Recap
It 1st of April, but it aren't no April fool. It has been a magnificent March for me, I been through a lot of things this month, or maybe I have been getting older.
First thing, my birthday is in March, which means I am getting older after this month.
Secondly, I got a new car this month, Perodua Kenari GX. I guess I can say it is the most expensive present I ever get from my parent cause they pay for the down payment.
Then I also receive my first and second credit card, but I need to control my spending and not overspend. I don't want to apply for bankruptcy as young age.
Next up is I learn a new lesson in life, it is hard to put it into words but I think I would remember it for the rest of my life. What doesn't kills you only make you stronger.
At the end of the month, I receive a job promotion; I have been converted to permanent worker. Submitted all the necessary documents and now all I have to do is wait for the HR to process everything.
That's about all, I can't really remember things lately, been so absent minded. I think I need to get an organizer for myself soon or another tech gadgets later this year.
First thing, my birthday is in March, which means I am getting older after this month.
Secondly, I got a new car this month, Perodua Kenari GX. I guess I can say it is the most expensive present I ever get from my parent cause they pay for the down payment.
Then I also receive my first and second credit card, but I need to control my spending and not overspend. I don't want to apply for bankruptcy as young age.
Next up is I learn a new lesson in life, it is hard to put it into words but I think I would remember it for the rest of my life. What doesn't kills you only make you stronger.
At the end of the month, I receive a job promotion; I have been converted to permanent worker. Submitted all the necessary documents and now all I have to do is wait for the HR to process everything.
That's about all, I can't really remember things lately, been so absent minded. I think I need to get an organizer for myself soon or another tech gadgets later this year.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
What happens if you stay late in the Office
It's half past 8 in the office but the lights are still on...
PCs still running, coffee machines still buzzing...
And who's at work?
Most of them? Take a closer look...
All or most specimens are 20-something male species of the human race...
Look closer... again all or most of them are bachelors...
And why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!!!
Any guesses???
Let's ask one of them...
Here's what he says...
"What's there 2 do after going home... here we get to surf, AC, phone, food, coffee... That's why I am working late... importantly no boss!!!"
This is the scene in most research centers and software companies and other off-shore offices. Bachelors "time-passing" during late hours in the office just because they say they've nothing else to do... Now what r the consequences... read on...
"Working"(for the record only) late hours soon becomes part of the institute or company culture. With bosses more than eager to provide support to those "working" late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and of course good feedback,(oh, he's a hard worker... goes home only to change..!!).They aren't helping things too... To hell with bosses who don't understand the difference between "sitting" late and "working" late!!!
Very soon, the boss starts expecting all employees to put in extra working hours.
So, My dear Bachelors let me tell you, life changes when u get married and start having a family... office is no longer a priority, family is... and that's when the problem starts... because u start having commitments at home too.
For your boss, the earlier "hardworking" guy suddenly seems to become an "early leaver" even if u leaves an hour after regular time... after doing the same amount of work. People leaving on time after doing their tasks for the day are labeled as work-shirkers...
Girls who thankfully always (its changing nowadays... though) leave on time are labeled as "not up to it". All the while, the bachelors pat their own backs and carry on "working"
Not realizing that they r spoiling the work culture at their own place and never realize that they would have to regret at one point of time.
So what's the moral of the story??
* Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!!
* Never put in extra time"
*unless really needed *"
* Don't stay back unnecessarily and spoil your company work culture which will in turn cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues. There are hundred other things to do in the evening...
Learn music...
Learn a foreign language...
Try a sport... TT, cricket.........
Importantly
Get a girl friend or boy friend; take him/her around town...
* And for heaven's sake net cafe rates have dropped to an all-time low (plus, no fire-walls) and try cooking for a change.
Take a tip from the Smirnoff ad: *"Life's calling, where are you??"*
Please pass on this message to all those colleagues
PCs still running, coffee machines still buzzing...
And who's at work?
Most of them? Take a closer look...
All or most specimens are 20-something male species of the human race...
Look closer... again all or most of them are bachelors...
And why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!!!
Any guesses???
Let's ask one of them...
Here's what he says...
"What's there 2 do after going home... here we get to surf, AC, phone, food, coffee... That's why I am working late... importantly no boss!!!"
This is the scene in most research centers and software companies and other off-shore offices. Bachelors "time-passing" during late hours in the office just because they say they've nothing else to do... Now what r the consequences... read on...
"Working"(for the record only) late hours soon becomes part of the institute or company culture. With bosses more than eager to provide support to those "working" late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and of course good feedback,(oh, he's a hard worker... goes home only to change..!!).They aren't helping things too... To hell with bosses who don't understand the difference between "sitting" late and "working" late!!!
Very soon, the boss starts expecting all employees to put in extra working hours.
So, My dear Bachelors let me tell you, life changes when u get married and start having a family... office is no longer a priority, family is... and that's when the problem starts... because u start having commitments at home too.
For your boss, the earlier "hardworking" guy suddenly seems to become an "early leaver" even if u leaves an hour after regular time... after doing the same amount of work. People leaving on time after doing their tasks for the day are labeled as work-shirkers...
Girls who thankfully always (its changing nowadays... though) leave on time are labeled as "not up to it". All the while, the bachelors pat their own backs and carry on "working"
Not realizing that they r spoiling the work culture at their own place and never realize that they would have to regret at one point of time.
So what's the moral of the story??
* Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!!
* Never put in extra time"
*unless really needed *"
* Don't stay back unnecessarily and spoil your company work culture which will in turn cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues. There are hundred other things to do in the evening...
Learn music...
Learn a foreign language...
Try a sport... TT, cricket.........
Importantly
Get a girl friend or boy friend; take him/her around town...
* And for heaven's sake net cafe rates have dropped to an all-time low (plus, no fire-walls) and try cooking for a change.
Take a tip from the Smirnoff ad: *"Life's calling, where are you??"*
Please pass on this message to all those colleagues
Describing people using Mandarin
形容的相當貼切
感歎女人：
漂亮的不下廚房
下廚房的不溫柔
會溫柔的沒主見
有主見的沒女人味
有女人味的亂花錢
不亂花錢的不時尚
時尚的不放心
放心的沒法看
感歎男人：
有才華的長得醜
長得帥的掙錢少
掙錢多的不顧家
顧了家的沒出息
有出息的不浪漫
會浪漫的靠不住
靠得住的又窩囊
感歎女人：
漂亮的不下廚房
下廚房的不溫柔
會溫柔的沒主見
有主見的沒女人味
有女人味的亂花錢
不亂花錢的不時尚
時尚的不放心
放心的沒法看
感歎男人：
有才華的長得醜
長得帥的掙錢少
掙錢多的不顧家
顧了家的沒出息
有出息的不浪漫
會浪漫的靠不住
靠得住的又窩囊
Some W a c k y Quotes
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
- Albert Einstein
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
- Robert Frost
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
- Jean Cocturan
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg
Life is pleasant.
Death is peaceful.
It's the transition that's troublesome.
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving.
Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Forgive your enemies but remember their names.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Don't worry that the world ends today, its already tomorrow in Australia!
- Albert Einstein
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
- Robert Frost
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
- Jean Cocturan
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg
Life is pleasant.
Death is peaceful.
It's the transition that's troublesome.
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving.
Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Forgive your enemies but remember their names.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Don't worry that the world ends today, its already tomorrow in Australia!
How to check if the man is still a virgin
"A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Kuala Lumpur. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice.
Daughter, when you're in KL and if you're looking for a match there, you must take note of the following the requirements Mother set for you.
You must find a man that is 'faithful', not 'spendthrift' and must be a 'virgin'.
With this advice from her mother, the girl went to Town.
After some months later, she came home to her kampung to get her mother's blessings to marry.
"Mother, I've met my match following your instructions. My future husband is faithful because when we went out for a holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?"
Her mother nodded in agreement.
"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, we shared one room only. Isn't he not spendthrift guy?"
For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern.
"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin".
"How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with repetition.
"Mmm....his 'that one' is new......still wrapped up in plastic, mum!"
Daughter, when you're in KL and if you're looking for a match there, you must take note of the following the requirements Mother set for you.
You must find a man that is 'faithful', not 'spendthrift' and must be a 'virgin'.
With this advice from her mother, the girl went to Town.
After some months later, she came home to her kampung to get her mother's blessings to marry.
"Mother, I've met my match following your instructions. My future husband is faithful because when we went out for a holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?"
Her mother nodded in agreement.
"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, we shared one room only. Isn't he not spendthrift guy?"
For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern.
"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin".
"How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with repetition.
"Mmm....his 'that one' is new......still wrapped up in plastic, mum!"
The moment you are in TENSION
The moment you are in TENSION
You will lose your ATTENTION
Then you are in total CONFUSION
and you'll feel IRRITATION
This may spoil your personal RELATIONS
Untimately, you won't get COOPERATION
And get things into COMPLICATION
Then you may raise CAUTION
And you have to take MEDICATION
Why not try understanding the SITUATION
And try to think about the SOLUTION
Many problems will be solved by DISCUSSION
Which will work out better in your PROFESSION
Don't think this is a free SUGGESTION
It is only for your PREVENTION
If you understand my INTENTION
You'll never come again into TENSION....:P
You will lose your ATTENTION
Then you are in total CONFUSION
and you'll feel IRRITATION
This may spoil your personal RELATIONS
Untimately, you won't get COOPERATION
And get things into COMPLICATION
Then you may raise CAUTION
And you have to take MEDICATION
Why not try understanding the SITUATION
And try to think about the SOLUTION
Many problems will be solved by DISCUSSION
Which will work out better in your PROFESSION
Don't think this is a free SUGGESTION
It is only for your PREVENTION
If you understand my INTENTION
You'll never come again into TENSION....:P
Jokes for April 3
The wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her husband:
'Buy me a surprise for my birthday!' she said. 'Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!'
Happy and excited she was counting down the days for her birthday. And finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought.
Apparently he is dead now ...
'Buy me a surprise for my birthday!' she said. 'Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!'
Happy and excited she was counting down the days for her birthday. And finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought.
Apparently he is dead now ...
Dilbert's Work Rules
"Dilbert's Work Rules"
If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a dern fool about it.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
Following the rules will not get the job done.
Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a dern fool about it.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
Following the rules will not get the job done.
Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
The 90/10 Principle by Stephen Covey
The 90/10 Principle by Stephen Covey
Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life. What is the 90/10 Principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.
How? By your reaction.
You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.
Let's use an example:
You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over.
She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terribly. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find a small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter. Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is D. You had no control over what happened with the coffee.
How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened:
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time." Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same.
Both ended different. Why? Because of how you REACTED.
You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.
Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle:
If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.
How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off! Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work?
Why let the cars ruin your drive? Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.
You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.
The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant?
She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out?
It will just make things worse.
Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it.
The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.
The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. There never seem to be a success in life. Bad days follow bad days. Terrible things seem to be constantly happening. There is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships.
Worry consumes time. Anger breaks friendships and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest. Friends are lost.
Life is a bore and often seems cruel. Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged. You can be different! Understand and apply the 90/10 principle. It will change your life
Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life. What is the 90/10 Principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.
How? By your reaction.
You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.
Let's use an example:
You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over.
She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terribly. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find a small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter. Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is D. You had no control over what happened with the coffee.
How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened:
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time." Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same.
Both ended different. Why? Because of how you REACTED.
You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.
Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle:
If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.
How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off! Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work?
Why let the cars ruin your drive? Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.
You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.
The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant?
She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out?
It will just make things worse.
Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it.
The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.
The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. There never seem to be a success in life. Bad days follow bad days. Terrible things seem to be constantly happening. There is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships.
Worry consumes time. Anger breaks friendships and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest. Friends are lost.
Life is a bore and often seems cruel. Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged. You can be different! Understand and apply the 90/10 principle. It will change your life
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