Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who
remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a
successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and
Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and
now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his
best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and
joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to
become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he
owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend
a brand new jet for his birthday.
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best
universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction
company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very
nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot
mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth friend
returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations
for?"
One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the
successes of our sons. What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a
stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment. " The fourth
man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too badly either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and
he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top
of the line Mercedes from his 3 boyfriends."
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Read it properly
結婚前~~如下：
他：萬歲！終於到來了！我都等不及了！
她：我可以離開嗎？
他：不，你甚至想都別想！
她：你愛我嗎？
他：當然！
她：你會背叛我嗎？
他：不會，你怎麼會有這樣想法？
她：你會吻我嗎？
他：會的
她：你會打我嗎？
他：無論如何都不
她：我能相信你嗎？
結婚後從下往上看
他：萬歲！終於到來了！我都等不及了！
她：我可以離開嗎？
他：不，你甚至想都別想！
她：你愛我嗎？
他：當然！
她：你會背叛我嗎？
他：不會，你怎麼會有這樣想法？
她：你會吻我嗎？
他：會的
她：你會打我嗎？
他：無論如何都不
她：我能相信你嗎？
結婚後從下往上看
sigh....
感嘆男人有才華的長的醜
長的帥的掙錢少、掙錢多的不顧家
顧家的沒出息、有出息的不浪漫
會浪漫的靠不住、靠的住的又窩襄
感嘆女人漂亮的不下廚房
下廚房的不溫柔、溫柔的沒主見
有主見的沒女人味、有女人味的亂花錢
不亂花錢的不時尚、時尚的不放心
放心的沒法看
老婆是電視、情人是手機
在家看電視、出門帶手機
破產賣電視、發財換手機
偶爾看電視、整天玩手機
電視終身不收費、手機欠費就停機
三十歲男人正在學壞
抱著同一代唱著同樣的愛
四十歲男人已經學壞
抱著下一代唱著遲來的愛
五十歲男人最壞
抱著第三代唱著糊塗的愛
做女人一定要經的起慌言
受得起敷衍，忍得住欺騙
忘得了謊言，寧願相信世上有鬼
也不能相信男人那張花言巧語
長的帥的掙錢少、掙錢多的不顧家
顧家的沒出息、有出息的不浪漫
會浪漫的靠不住、靠的住的又窩襄
感嘆女人漂亮的不下廚房
下廚房的不溫柔、溫柔的沒主見
有主見的沒女人味、有女人味的亂花錢
不亂花錢的不時尚、時尚的不放心
放心的沒法看
老婆是電視、情人是手機
在家看電視、出門帶手機
破產賣電視、發財換手機
偶爾看電視、整天玩手機
電視終身不收費、手機欠費就停機
三十歲男人正在學壞
抱著同一代唱著同樣的愛
四十歲男人已經學壞
抱著下一代唱著遲來的愛
五十歲男人最壞
抱著第三代唱著糊塗的愛
做女人一定要經的起慌言
受得起敷衍，忍得住欺騙
忘得了謊言，寧願相信世上有鬼
也不能相信男人那張花言巧語
Marketing
A Professor was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me! - That's Direct Marketing
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:
He's very rich. Marry him. - That's Advertising
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say:
Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me. - That's Telemarketing
4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me? - That's Public Relations
5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says:
You are very rich! Can you marry me? - That's Brand Recognition
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me! She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me! And she introduces you to her husband.
That's demand and supply gap
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her:
I'm rich. Will you marry me? and she goes with him -
That's competition eating into your market share
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and before you say:
I'm rich, Marry me! Your wife arrives.
That's restriction from entering new markets.
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me! - That's Direct Marketing
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:
He's very rich. Marry him. - That's Advertising
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say:
Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me. - That's Telemarketing
4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me? - That's Public Relations
5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says:
You are very rich! Can you marry me? - That's Brand Recognition
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me! She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me! And she introduces you to her husband.
That's demand and supply gap
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her:
I'm rich. Will you marry me? and she goes with him -
That's competition eating into your market share
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and before you say:
I'm rich, Marry me! Your wife arrives.
That's restriction from entering new markets.
Hijack
After a month-long holiday in the US, my wife and I finally boarded the plane in San Francisco last Sunday heading home.
As the plane reached cruising speed with the seat belt sign switched off, a 6 ft 3" black man with the build of Mike Tyson in the front row got up from his seat, turned to face the back, raised his arm and yelled, "HIJACK!"
Everyone was frozen to the seat, expecting the worst to happen.
And two stewards were about to jump onto this guy to overpower him when another voice answered from the back of the plane: "HI JOHN!"
The moral of the story is:
If you have a friend named Jack, for heaven's sake don't ever call him in the plane. Otherwise you may land yourself in deep shit.
As the plane reached cruising speed with the seat belt sign switched off, a 6 ft 3" black man with the build of Mike Tyson in the front row got up from his seat, turned to face the back, raised his arm and yelled, "HIJACK!"
Everyone was frozen to the seat, expecting the worst to happen.
And two stewards were about to jump onto this guy to overpower him when another voice answered from the back of the plane: "HI JOHN!"
The moral of the story is:
If you have a friend named Jack, for heaven's sake don't ever call him in the plane. Otherwise you may land yourself in deep shit.
Your career is not everything; your life is!
Success - "knowing the right people," "being in the right place at the right time," and "using the right tools" - by Anthony Robbins
Your career is not everything; your life is .
1) You are always on your own. Even if you work for a big company, you will always be on your own. Companies aren't people. They're things and they don't have feelings. If you are expecting the company to "take care of you" or "do the right thing", you'll be often disappointed. There are no strong bonds in a company. No one cares more about your career than you do. Remember that, and don't expect the company to take care of you.
2) Certain jobs fit certain people best . You do have special gifts that fit you for some, disqualify you for others. Take time to assess your skills, temperament and aptitude in depth.
3) Careers are short-term. Your present job can end anytime, even if you own the company! Therefore, think short term. Don't take your present career for granted. Someone once described a consultant as a person who wakes up every morning unemployed. You should feel the same way. Wake up every morning feeling unemployed so that you'll appreciate
your present job more and figure out what you're going to do next.
Always have a "Plan B." (No kidding!!)
4) It's more important to be a "people person" than an " achievement-oriented person" who always win at the cost of others. People skills are more important than technical skills. Even in technical jobs, you have to deal with someone. The average performer who are easier to get along with last longer in his job.
5) What you accomplish today will be your calling card tomorrow. Your accomplishments will determine your marketability. In marketing yourself, it's the results that count. A soccer forward who scores in every game is easier to market than one who doesn't. So make sure you're contributing something substantial and measurable every day. And
make sure you keep a written record of your results, in case you forget!
6) Changing fields, industries, and functional specialties is difficult. The more difficult it is, the bigger the change will be.
Therefore, choose your career path carefully. As management expert Peter Drucker says, "The best way to predict the future is to plan it."
7) If you're fired or laid off, don't sue your former employer. Ask yourself why you didn't see it coming; or if you did see it coming. Ask yourself why you didn't do something about it. Figure out your part in causing the problem. Then set about creating a new, better life for yourself. There is a better life in your future.
8) Don't stay in a job you hate. Hating your job can kill you.
9) Success is difficult. If success were easy, everyone would be successful.
10) You are in full control of your own future. No one can deny you a happy life if you decide to plan it and work for it. No one can stop you from becoming successful, but yourself.
11) It's never too late for a new beginning.
12 ) Align yourself with winners. Hang around with winners. Success really does rub off from others.
"If you keep doing what you have always been doing, you're going to get what you've always gotten"
Your career is not everything; your life is .
1) You are always on your own. Even if you work for a big company, you will always be on your own. Companies aren't people. They're things and they don't have feelings. If you are expecting the company to "take care of you" or "do the right thing", you'll be often disappointed. There are no strong bonds in a company. No one cares more about your career than you do. Remember that, and don't expect the company to take care of you.
2) Certain jobs fit certain people best . You do have special gifts that fit you for some, disqualify you for others. Take time to assess your skills, temperament and aptitude in depth.
3) Careers are short-term. Your present job can end anytime, even if you own the company! Therefore, think short term. Don't take your present career for granted. Someone once described a consultant as a person who wakes up every morning unemployed. You should feel the same way. Wake up every morning feeling unemployed so that you'll appreciate
your present job more and figure out what you're going to do next.
Always have a "Plan B." (No kidding!!)
4) It's more important to be a "people person" than an " achievement-oriented person" who always win at the cost of others. People skills are more important than technical skills. Even in technical jobs, you have to deal with someone. The average performer who are easier to get along with last longer in his job.
5) What you accomplish today will be your calling card tomorrow. Your accomplishments will determine your marketability. In marketing yourself, it's the results that count. A soccer forward who scores in every game is easier to market than one who doesn't. So make sure you're contributing something substantial and measurable every day. And
make sure you keep a written record of your results, in case you forget!
6) Changing fields, industries, and functional specialties is difficult. The more difficult it is, the bigger the change will be.
Therefore, choose your career path carefully. As management expert Peter Drucker says, "The best way to predict the future is to plan it."
7) If you're fired or laid off, don't sue your former employer. Ask yourself why you didn't see it coming; or if you did see it coming. Ask yourself why you didn't do something about it. Figure out your part in causing the problem. Then set about creating a new, better life for yourself. There is a better life in your future.
8) Don't stay in a job you hate. Hating your job can kill you.
9) Success is difficult. If success were easy, everyone would be successful.
10) You are in full control of your own future. No one can deny you a happy life if you decide to plan it and work for it. No one can stop you from becoming successful, but yourself.
11) It's never too late for a new beginning.
12 ) Align yourself with winners. Hang around with winners. Success really does rub off from others.
"If you keep doing what you have always been doing, you're going to get what you've always gotten"
我不笨，我努力！
我不笨，我努力！
努力不一定會成功，但成功卻永遠需要努力。
有兩個小學生，為了打羽毛球，把學校禮堂的一百多張長凳搬開，打完球再歸位，同學都笑他們笨，後來他們卻成了羽毛球國手。其實不怕麻煩，可以實現夢想。
有一個大型才藝比賽，主辦單位打破多年慣例，賽前先發紀念品給小朋友，有人說：「主辦單位有點笨，大家領了紀念品，閉幕典禮時就會很冷清。」結果閉幕時場面非常熱鬧。其實尊重，可以獲得支持。
有一個人，去打籃球，常常輸。隊友說：「你為什麼這麼笨，都不搶球，能贏都不贏。」他答道：「我們在球場，受到這麼多人的歡迎，他們多麼喜歡跟我們打球。」其實輸球，可以換來好人緣。
有一個人，帶女朋友去看電影，路不熟，到了戲院，電影已散場。去吃飯，忘了帶皮夾，只得對女朋友說：「能不能借我一點錢。」到女友府上拜訪，遲到了半個多小時，原來摩托車沒油了，他竟然氣喘如牛的推著摩托車趕來。她還是嫁給了這位傻小子。其實真心，可以換真情。
有一個人，早上出門，後面車子煞車不及撞上來，對方急忙下車向他賠罪，他想：「一點小擦撞，大家都在趕時間，人沒事就好！」回家後，發現保險桿已經搖搖欲墜。朋友說：「你真笨，應該抄下他的車號。」他說：「事情過去就算了。」過幾天，他接到保險公司的理賠通知，原來對方早已記下他的車號。其實不計較，可以得到公平對待。
有個女孩，騎摩托車到大賣場買東西，結帳出來，看到一個人，鬼鬼祟祟的坐在摩托車上，東張西望，她沒好氣的說：「你坐在我車上做什麼？」他哭笑不得的說：「小姐，我已經等你半小時了，你沒事幹麼鎖住我的車。」在婚禮上，人家問他：「你為什麼娶她？」他說：「我喜歡她的迷糊。」其實迷糊，可以得到疼惜。
有一個人，常常托同事幫她買早點，她總是給 30元，買一塊她常吃的麵包，有一天這位男同事休假，她自己跑去買麵包才發現，她買的麵包早已漲價成 35元。從此以後，她都會多看他一眼，沒多久，公司流傳了一段佳話「五塊錢買一個老婆。」其實吃虧，可以獲得好感 。
從小聽到大的故事「龜兔賽跑」，總是以為，現實生活裏，絕對不會有人像兔子般，因為貪睡而輸給烏龜。長大後漸漸發現「其實有成就的人，不是靠能力而是靠努力」。
有些人的成就，是你的十倍、百倍、千倍、萬倍，但是他的能力卻不一定是你的十倍、百倍、千倍、萬倍。不是他比你聰明，而是他笨笨的，去做一些你所不願去做的事。
在人生中，聰明的人，常常在最後，變笨了；而笨的人，卻常常在最後，變聰明了。
遇到寒冷酷熱，聰明的人逃開了；笨的人，卻傻傻的去親身嘗試，意外的在寒冷酷熱中成長。因為笨的人都知道：「努力不一定會成功，但成功卻永遠需要努力。」
努力不一定會成功，但成功卻永遠需要努力。
有兩個小學生，為了打羽毛球，把學校禮堂的一百多張長凳搬開，打完球再歸位，同學都笑他們笨，後來他們卻成了羽毛球國手。其實不怕麻煩，可以實現夢想。
有一個大型才藝比賽，主辦單位打破多年慣例，賽前先發紀念品給小朋友，有人說：「主辦單位有點笨，大家領了紀念品，閉幕典禮時就會很冷清。」結果閉幕時場面非常熱鬧。其實尊重，可以獲得支持。
有一個人，去打籃球，常常輸。隊友說：「你為什麼這麼笨，都不搶球，能贏都不贏。」他答道：「我們在球場，受到這麼多人的歡迎，他們多麼喜歡跟我們打球。」其實輸球，可以換來好人緣。
有一個人，帶女朋友去看電影，路不熟，到了戲院，電影已散場。去吃飯，忘了帶皮夾，只得對女朋友說：「能不能借我一點錢。」到女友府上拜訪，遲到了半個多小時，原來摩托車沒油了，他竟然氣喘如牛的推著摩托車趕來。她還是嫁給了這位傻小子。其實真心，可以換真情。
有一個人，早上出門，後面車子煞車不及撞上來，對方急忙下車向他賠罪，他想：「一點小擦撞，大家都在趕時間，人沒事就好！」回家後，發現保險桿已經搖搖欲墜。朋友說：「你真笨，應該抄下他的車號。」他說：「事情過去就算了。」過幾天，他接到保險公司的理賠通知，原來對方早已記下他的車號。其實不計較，可以得到公平對待。
有個女孩，騎摩托車到大賣場買東西，結帳出來，看到一個人，鬼鬼祟祟的坐在摩托車上，東張西望，她沒好氣的說：「你坐在我車上做什麼？」他哭笑不得的說：「小姐，我已經等你半小時了，你沒事幹麼鎖住我的車。」在婚禮上，人家問他：「你為什麼娶她？」他說：「我喜歡她的迷糊。」其實迷糊，可以得到疼惜。
有一個人，常常托同事幫她買早點，她總是給 30元，買一塊她常吃的麵包，有一天這位男同事休假，她自己跑去買麵包才發現，她買的麵包早已漲價成 35元。從此以後，她都會多看他一眼，沒多久，公司流傳了一段佳話「五塊錢買一個老婆。」其實吃虧，可以獲得好感 。
從小聽到大的故事「龜兔賽跑」，總是以為，現實生活裏，絕對不會有人像兔子般，因為貪睡而輸給烏龜。長大後漸漸發現「其實有成就的人，不是靠能力而是靠努力」。
有些人的成就，是你的十倍、百倍、千倍、萬倍，但是他的能力卻不一定是你的十倍、百倍、千倍、萬倍。不是他比你聰明，而是他笨笨的，去做一些你所不願去做的事。
在人生中，聰明的人，常常在最後，變笨了；而笨的人，卻常常在最後，變聰明了。
遇到寒冷酷熱，聰明的人逃開了；笨的人，卻傻傻的去親身嘗試，意外的在寒冷酷熱中成長。因為笨的人都知道：「努力不一定會成功，但成功卻永遠需要努力。」
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