Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who
remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a
successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and
Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and
now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his
best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and
joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to
become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he
owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend
a brand new jet for his birthday.
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best
universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction
company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very
nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot
mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth friend
returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations
for?"
One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the
successes of our sons. What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a
stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment. " The fourth
man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too badly either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and
he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top
of the line Mercedes from his 3 boyfriends."
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Read it properly
結婚前~~如下：
他：萬歲！終於到來了！我都等不及了！
她：我可以離開嗎？
他：不，你甚至想都別想！
她：你愛我嗎？
他：當然！
她：你會背叛我嗎？
他：不會，你怎麼會有這樣想法？
她：你會吻我嗎？
他：會的
她：你會打我嗎？
他：無論如何都不
她：我能相信你嗎？
結婚後從下往上看
他：萬歲！終於到來了！我都等不及了！
她：我可以離開嗎？
他：不，你甚至想都別想！
她：你愛我嗎？
他：當然！
她：你會背叛我嗎？
他：不會，你怎麼會有這樣想法？
她：你會吻我嗎？
他：會的
她：你會打我嗎？
他：無論如何都不
她：我能相信你嗎？
結婚後從下往上看
sigh....
感嘆男人有才華的長的醜
長的帥的掙錢少、掙錢多的不顧家
顧家的沒出息、有出息的不浪漫
會浪漫的靠不住、靠的住的又窩襄
感嘆女人漂亮的不下廚房
下廚房的不溫柔、溫柔的沒主見
有主見的沒女人味、有女人味的亂花錢
不亂花錢的不時尚、時尚的不放心
放心的沒法看
老婆是電視、情人是手機
在家看電視、出門帶手機
破產賣電視、發財換手機
偶爾看電視、整天玩手機
電視終身不收費、手機欠費就停機
三十歲男人正在學壞
抱著同一代唱著同樣的愛
四十歲男人已經學壞
抱著下一代唱著遲來的愛
五十歲男人最壞
抱著第三代唱著糊塗的愛
做女人一定要經的起慌言
受得起敷衍，忍得住欺騙
忘得了謊言，寧願相信世上有鬼
也不能相信男人那張花言巧語
長的帥的掙錢少、掙錢多的不顧家
顧家的沒出息、有出息的不浪漫
會浪漫的靠不住、靠的住的又窩襄
感嘆女人漂亮的不下廚房
下廚房的不溫柔、溫柔的沒主見
有主見的沒女人味、有女人味的亂花錢
不亂花錢的不時尚、時尚的不放心
放心的沒法看
老婆是電視、情人是手機
在家看電視、出門帶手機
破產賣電視、發財換手機
偶爾看電視、整天玩手機
電視終身不收費、手機欠費就停機
三十歲男人正在學壞
抱著同一代唱著同樣的愛
四十歲男人已經學壞
抱著下一代唱著遲來的愛
五十歲男人最壞
抱著第三代唱著糊塗的愛
做女人一定要經的起慌言
受得起敷衍，忍得住欺騙
忘得了謊言，寧願相信世上有鬼
也不能相信男人那張花言巧語
Marketing
A Professor was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me! - That's Direct Marketing
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:
He's very rich. Marry him. - That's Advertising
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say:
Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me. - That's Telemarketing
4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me? - That's Public Relations
5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says:
You are very rich! Can you marry me? - That's Brand Recognition
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me! She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me! And she introduces you to her husband.
That's demand and supply gap
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her:
I'm rich. Will you marry me? and she goes with him -
That's competition eating into your market share
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and before you say:
I'm rich, Marry me! Your wife arrives.
That's restriction from entering new markets.
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me! - That's Direct Marketing
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:
He's very rich. Marry him. - That's Advertising
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say:
Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me. - That's Telemarketing
4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me? - That's Public Relations
5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says:
You are very rich! Can you marry me? - That's Brand Recognition
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me! She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me! And she introduces you to her husband.
That's demand and supply gap
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her:
I'm rich. Will you marry me? and she goes with him -
That's competition eating into your market share
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and before you say:
I'm rich, Marry me! Your wife arrives.
That's restriction from entering new markets.
Hijack
After a month-long holiday in the US, my wife and I finally boarded the plane in San Francisco last Sunday heading home.
As the plane reached cruising speed with the seat belt sign switched off, a 6 ft 3" black man with the build of Mike Tyson in the front row got up from his seat, turned to face the back, raised his arm and yelled, "HIJACK!"
Everyone was frozen to the seat, expecting the worst to happen.
And two stewards were about to jump onto this guy to overpower him when another voice answered from the back of the plane: "HI JOHN!"
The moral of the story is:
If you have a friend named Jack, for heaven's sake don't ever call him in the plane. Otherwise you may land yourself in deep shit.
As the plane reached cruising speed with the seat belt sign switched off, a 6 ft 3" black man with the build of Mike Tyson in the front row got up from his seat, turned to face the back, raised his arm and yelled, "HIJACK!"
Everyone was frozen to the seat, expecting the worst to happen.
And two stewards were about to jump onto this guy to overpower him when another voice answered from the back of the plane: "HI JOHN!"
The moral of the story is:
If you have a friend named Jack, for heaven's sake don't ever call him in the plane. Otherwise you may land yourself in deep shit.
Your career is not everything; your life is!
Success - "knowing the right people," "being in the right place at the right time," and "using the right tools" - by Anthony Robbins
Your career is not everything; your life is .
1) You are always on your own. Even if you work for a big company, you will always be on your own. Companies aren't people. They're things and they don't have feelings. If you are expecting the company to "take care of you" or "do the right thing", you'll be often disappointed. There are no strong bonds in a company. No one cares more about your career than you do. Remember that, and don't expect the company to take care of you.
2) Certain jobs fit certain people best . You do have special gifts that fit you for some, disqualify you for others. Take time to assess your skills, temperament and aptitude in depth.
3) Careers are short-term. Your present job can end anytime, even if you own the company! Therefore, think short term. Don't take your present career for granted. Someone once described a consultant as a person who wakes up every morning unemployed. You should feel the same way. Wake up every morning feeling unemployed so that you'll appreciate
your present job more and figure out what you're going to do next.
Always have a "Plan B." (No kidding!!)
4) It's more important to be a "people person" than an " achievement-oriented person" who always win at the cost of others. People skills are more important than technical skills. Even in technical jobs, you have to deal with someone. The average performer who are easier to get along with last longer in his job.
5) What you accomplish today will be your calling card tomorrow. Your accomplishments will determine your marketability. In marketing yourself, it's the results that count. A soccer forward who scores in every game is easier to market than one who doesn't. So make sure you're contributing something substantial and measurable every day. And
make sure you keep a written record of your results, in case you forget!
6) Changing fields, industries, and functional specialties is difficult. The more difficult it is, the bigger the change will be.
Therefore, choose your career path carefully. As management expert Peter Drucker says, "The best way to predict the future is to plan it."
7) If you're fired or laid off, don't sue your former employer. Ask yourself why you didn't see it coming; or if you did see it coming. Ask yourself why you didn't do something about it. Figure out your part in causing the problem. Then set about creating a new, better life for yourself. There is a better life in your future.
8) Don't stay in a job you hate. Hating your job can kill you.
9) Success is difficult. If success were easy, everyone would be successful.
10) You are in full control of your own future. No one can deny you a happy life if you decide to plan it and work for it. No one can stop you from becoming successful, but yourself.
11) It's never too late for a new beginning.
12 ) Align yourself with winners. Hang around with winners. Success really does rub off from others.
"If you keep doing what you have always been doing, you're going to get what you've always gotten"
Your career is not everything; your life is .
1) You are always on your own. Even if you work for a big company, you will always be on your own. Companies aren't people. They're things and they don't have feelings. If you are expecting the company to "take care of you" or "do the right thing", you'll be often disappointed. There are no strong bonds in a company. No one cares more about your career than you do. Remember that, and don't expect the company to take care of you.
2) Certain jobs fit certain people best . You do have special gifts that fit you for some, disqualify you for others. Take time to assess your skills, temperament and aptitude in depth.
3) Careers are short-term. Your present job can end anytime, even if you own the company! Therefore, think short term. Don't take your present career for granted. Someone once described a consultant as a person who wakes up every morning unemployed. You should feel the same way. Wake up every morning feeling unemployed so that you'll appreciate
your present job more and figure out what you're going to do next.
Always have a "Plan B." (No kidding!!)
4) It's more important to be a "people person" than an " achievement-oriented person" who always win at the cost of others. People skills are more important than technical skills. Even in technical jobs, you have to deal with someone. The average performer who are easier to get along with last longer in his job.
5) What you accomplish today will be your calling card tomorrow. Your accomplishments will determine your marketability. In marketing yourself, it's the results that count. A soccer forward who scores in every game is easier to market than one who doesn't. So make sure you're contributing something substantial and measurable every day. And
make sure you keep a written record of your results, in case you forget!
6) Changing fields, industries, and functional specialties is difficult. The more difficult it is, the bigger the change will be.
Therefore, choose your career path carefully. As management expert Peter Drucker says, "The best way to predict the future is to plan it."
7) If you're fired or laid off, don't sue your former employer. Ask yourself why you didn't see it coming; or if you did see it coming. Ask yourself why you didn't do something about it. Figure out your part in causing the problem. Then set about creating a new, better life for yourself. There is a better life in your future.
8) Don't stay in a job you hate. Hating your job can kill you.
9) Success is difficult. If success were easy, everyone would be successful.
10) You are in full control of your own future. No one can deny you a happy life if you decide to plan it and work for it. No one can stop you from becoming successful, but yourself.
11) It's never too late for a new beginning.
12 ) Align yourself with winners. Hang around with winners. Success really does rub off from others.
"If you keep doing what you have always been doing, you're going to get what you've always gotten"
我不笨，我努力！
我不笨，我努力！
努力不一定會成功，但成功卻永遠需要努力。
有兩個小學生，為了打羽毛球，把學校禮堂的一百多張長凳搬開，打完球再歸位，同學都笑他們笨，後來他們卻成了羽毛球國手。其實不怕麻煩，可以實現夢想。
有一個大型才藝比賽，主辦單位打破多年慣例，賽前先發紀念品給小朋友，有人說：「主辦單位有點笨，大家領了紀念品，閉幕典禮時就會很冷清。」結果閉幕時場面非常熱鬧。其實尊重，可以獲得支持。
有一個人，去打籃球，常常輸。隊友說：「你為什麼這麼笨，都不搶球，能贏都不贏。」他答道：「我們在球場，受到這麼多人的歡迎，他們多麼喜歡跟我們打球。」其實輸球，可以換來好人緣。
有一個人，帶女朋友去看電影，路不熟，到了戲院，電影已散場。去吃飯，忘了帶皮夾，只得對女朋友說：「能不能借我一點錢。」到女友府上拜訪，遲到了半個多小時，原來摩托車沒油了，他竟然氣喘如牛的推著摩托車趕來。她還是嫁給了這位傻小子。其實真心，可以換真情。
有一個人，早上出門，後面車子煞車不及撞上來，對方急忙下車向他賠罪，他想：「一點小擦撞，大家都在趕時間，人沒事就好！」回家後，發現保險桿已經搖搖欲墜。朋友說：「你真笨，應該抄下他的車號。」他說：「事情過去就算了。」過幾天，他接到保險公司的理賠通知，原來對方早已記下他的車號。其實不計較，可以得到公平對待。
有個女孩，騎摩托車到大賣場買東西，結帳出來，看到一個人，鬼鬼祟祟的坐在摩托車上，東張西望，她沒好氣的說：「你坐在我車上做什麼？」他哭笑不得的說：「小姐，我已經等你半小時了，你沒事幹麼鎖住我的車。」在婚禮上，人家問他：「你為什麼娶她？」他說：「我喜歡她的迷糊。」其實迷糊，可以得到疼惜。
有一個人，常常托同事幫她買早點，她總是給 30元，買一塊她常吃的麵包，有一天這位男同事休假，她自己跑去買麵包才發現，她買的麵包早已漲價成 35元。從此以後，她都會多看他一眼，沒多久，公司流傳了一段佳話「五塊錢買一個老婆。」其實吃虧，可以獲得好感 。
從小聽到大的故事「龜兔賽跑」，總是以為，現實生活裏，絕對不會有人像兔子般，因為貪睡而輸給烏龜。長大後漸漸發現「其實有成就的人，不是靠能力而是靠努力」。
有些人的成就，是你的十倍、百倍、千倍、萬倍，但是他的能力卻不一定是你的十倍、百倍、千倍、萬倍。不是他比你聰明，而是他笨笨的，去做一些你所不願去做的事。
在人生中，聰明的人，常常在最後，變笨了；而笨的人，卻常常在最後，變聰明了。
遇到寒冷酷熱，聰明的人逃開了；笨的人，卻傻傻的去親身嘗試，意外的在寒冷酷熱中成長。因為笨的人都知道：「努力不一定會成功，但成功卻永遠需要努力。」
努力不一定會成功，但成功卻永遠需要努力。
有兩個小學生，為了打羽毛球，把學校禮堂的一百多張長凳搬開，打完球再歸位，同學都笑他們笨，後來他們卻成了羽毛球國手。其實不怕麻煩，可以實現夢想。
有一個大型才藝比賽，主辦單位打破多年慣例，賽前先發紀念品給小朋友，有人說：「主辦單位有點笨，大家領了紀念品，閉幕典禮時就會很冷清。」結果閉幕時場面非常熱鬧。其實尊重，可以獲得支持。
有一個人，去打籃球，常常輸。隊友說：「你為什麼這麼笨，都不搶球，能贏都不贏。」他答道：「我們在球場，受到這麼多人的歡迎，他們多麼喜歡跟我們打球。」其實輸球，可以換來好人緣。
有一個人，帶女朋友去看電影，路不熟，到了戲院，電影已散場。去吃飯，忘了帶皮夾，只得對女朋友說：「能不能借我一點錢。」到女友府上拜訪，遲到了半個多小時，原來摩托車沒油了，他竟然氣喘如牛的推著摩托車趕來。她還是嫁給了這位傻小子。其實真心，可以換真情。
有一個人，早上出門，後面車子煞車不及撞上來，對方急忙下車向他賠罪，他想：「一點小擦撞，大家都在趕時間，人沒事就好！」回家後，發現保險桿已經搖搖欲墜。朋友說：「你真笨，應該抄下他的車號。」他說：「事情過去就算了。」過幾天，他接到保險公司的理賠通知，原來對方早已記下他的車號。其實不計較，可以得到公平對待。
有個女孩，騎摩托車到大賣場買東西，結帳出來，看到一個人，鬼鬼祟祟的坐在摩托車上，東張西望，她沒好氣的說：「你坐在我車上做什麼？」他哭笑不得的說：「小姐，我已經等你半小時了，你沒事幹麼鎖住我的車。」在婚禮上，人家問他：「你為什麼娶她？」他說：「我喜歡她的迷糊。」其實迷糊，可以得到疼惜。
有一個人，常常托同事幫她買早點，她總是給 30元，買一塊她常吃的麵包，有一天這位男同事休假，她自己跑去買麵包才發現，她買的麵包早已漲價成 35元。從此以後，她都會多看他一眼，沒多久，公司流傳了一段佳話「五塊錢買一個老婆。」其實吃虧，可以獲得好感 。
從小聽到大的故事「龜兔賽跑」，總是以為，現實生活裏，絕對不會有人像兔子般，因為貪睡而輸給烏龜。長大後漸漸發現「其實有成就的人，不是靠能力而是靠努力」。
有些人的成就，是你的十倍、百倍、千倍、萬倍，但是他的能力卻不一定是你的十倍、百倍、千倍、萬倍。不是他比你聰明，而是他笨笨的，去做一些你所不願去做的事。
在人生中，聰明的人，常常在最後，變笨了；而笨的人，卻常常在最後，變聰明了。
遇到寒冷酷熱，聰明的人逃開了；笨的人，卻傻傻的去親身嘗試，意外的在寒冷酷熱中成長。因為笨的人都知道：「努力不一定會成功，但成功卻永遠需要努力。」
Monday, July 16, 2007
GOLDEN WEDDING
The secret of a happy marriage
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple". The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in Arizona," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, and took a trip, down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off.
My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."
"We proceeded a little further and horse stumbled again.
Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice."
"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time.
My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
I shouted at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman?! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? "Are you crazy??"
She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once."
"And from that moment on ... we have lived happily every after."
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple". The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in Arizona," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, and took a trip, down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off.
My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."
"We proceeded a little further and horse stumbled again.
Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice."
"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time.
My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
I shouted at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman?! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? "Are you crazy??"
She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once."
"And from that moment on ... we have lived happily every after."
Laughter is the Best Medicine
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit;
she asked her son - to use his own phone to pass an urgent message to daddy who is at work site
After the son had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddy's phone
the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile phone. (Women!!)
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work site, immediately when she saw him,
she gave him a very hot tight slap. While the hubby was trying to ask why the slap?
She repeated the slap, people from the neighborhood rushed around to know what is happening
The man asked the son to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called, the son said
" the number u are Trying To call Is not Reachable At The Moment. Pls Try Again Later".
she asked her son - to use his own phone to pass an urgent message to daddy who is at work site
After the son had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddy's phone
the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile phone. (Women!!)
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work site, immediately when she saw him,
she gave him a very hot tight slap. While the hubby was trying to ask why the slap?
She repeated the slap, people from the neighborhood rushed around to know what is happening
The man asked the son to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called, the son said
" the number u are Trying To call Is not Reachable At The Moment. Pls Try Again Later".
HEAR WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
I believe some apply to woman as well.
----------------------------------------------------------------
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better."
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...
Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute.
About baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship.
Consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)...
You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
Good manners
During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter? How would you say it?" Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."
"And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny answered by saying, "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."
The teacher was momentarily stunned.
The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter? How would you say it?" Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."
"And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny answered by saying, "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."
The teacher was momentarily stunned.
Slow Down Culture
something for us to ponder.......
An interesting reflection : Slow Down Culture
It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2 years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule.
Globalized processes have caused us (all over the world) to have a general sense of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate, hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end, this always yields better results. Said in other words:
1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil.
2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.
3. Stockholm, has 500,000 people.
4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, Nokia are some of its renowned companies. Volvo supplies parts to NASA.
The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September, bitter cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their cars to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, neither the second nor the third.
One morning I asked, "Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot.
To which he replied, "Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a place closer to the door.
Don't you think?" Imagined the look on my face.
Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe called Slow Food. This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing.
Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week.
Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness"
generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of "having in quantity"
(life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the "quality of being". French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more productive than the Americans or the British. The Germans have established 28.8 hour workweeks and have seen their productivity driven up by 20%. This slow attitude has brought forth the US 's attention, pupils of the fast and the "do it now!".
This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It means reestablishing family values, friends, free and leisure time.
Taking the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of living. It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do.
It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of products and services, without losing the essence of spirit. Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present, which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon once said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".
Congratulations for reading till the end of this message. There are many whom will have stopped in the middle so as not to waste time in this globalized world.
An interesting reflection : Slow Down Culture
It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2 years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule.
Globalized processes have caused us (all over the world) to have a general sense of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate, hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end, this always yields better results. Said in other words:
1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil.
2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.
3. Stockholm, has 500,000 people.
4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, Nokia are some of its renowned companies. Volvo supplies parts to NASA.
The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September, bitter cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their cars to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, neither the second nor the third.
One morning I asked, "Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot.
To which he replied, "Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a place closer to the door.
Don't you think?" Imagined the look on my face.
Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe called Slow Food. This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing.
Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week.
Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness"
generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of "having in quantity"
(life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the "quality of being". French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more productive than the Americans or the British. The Germans have established 28.8 hour workweeks and have seen their productivity driven up by 20%. This slow attitude has brought forth the US 's attention, pupils of the fast and the "do it now!".
This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It means reestablishing family values, friends, free and leisure time.
Taking the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of living. It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do.
It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of products and services, without losing the essence of spirit. Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present, which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon once said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".
Congratulations for reading till the end of this message. There are many whom will have stopped in the middle so as not to waste time in this globalized world.
Murphy's Laws on Computers
- As soon as you delete a worthless file, you'll need it.
- Installing a new program will always mess up at least one old one.
- You can't win them all, but you sure can lose them all.
- The likelihood of a hard disk crash is in direct proportion to the value of the material that hasn't been backed up.
- There are only two kinds of computer users: Those whose hard disks have crashed, and those whose hard disks haven't crashed - yet.
- Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it. If you fiddle with something long enough, you'll break it.
- Installing a new program will always mess up at least one old one.
- You can't win them all, but you sure can lose them all.
- The likelihood of a hard disk crash is in direct proportion to the value of the material that hasn't been backed up.
- There are only two kinds of computer users: Those whose hard disks have crashed, and those whose hard disks haven't crashed - yet.
- Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it. If you fiddle with something long enough, you'll break it.
Humour for July
Three Accountants
Three accountants were in the urinal performing their morning constitutional. The first accountant finishes and walks over to the sink to wash his hands. Very carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried. Turning to the other two other accountants, he says "At KPMG, we are trained to be extremely thorough".
The second accountant finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands. He uses a single paper towel and makes sure that he dries his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turns and says "At Ernst & Young, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough but we are also trained to be extremely efficient".
The third accountant finishes and walks straight for the door. "At Arthur Andersen, we don't pee on our hands".
The Airline Joke
Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean"
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane"
After this announcement all the pasengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request.
Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.
The captain once again made an annoucement:
"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean.
All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of the plane, "HANK YOU FOR FLYING LUFTHANSA."
British Airways
"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew. I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic."
"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off."
"If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message."
Three accountants were in the urinal performing their morning constitutional. The first accountant finishes and walks over to the sink to wash his hands. Very carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried. Turning to the other two other accountants, he says "At KPMG, we are trained to be extremely thorough".
The second accountant finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands. He uses a single paper towel and makes sure that he dries his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turns and says "At Ernst & Young, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough but we are also trained to be extremely efficient".
The third accountant finishes and walks straight for the door. "At Arthur Andersen, we don't pee on our hands".
The Airline Joke
Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean"
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane"
After this announcement all the pasengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request.
Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.
The captain once again made an annoucement:
"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean.
All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of the plane, "HANK YOU FOR FLYING LUFTHANSA."
British Airways
"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew. I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic."
"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off."
"If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message."
Jacky Wu
吴宗宪的变态谜语
01.有一隻熊走過來 有備而來（有bear來）
02. 第十一本書 不可思議（book11）
03. 哪一種蝙蝠不用休息 不修邊幅（不休蝙蝠）
04. 一個人被刷成金色 一鳴驚人（一名金人）
05. 羊停止了呼吸 揚眉吐氣（羊没吐氣）
06.手機不可以掉到馬桶裡 機不可失（濕）
07.小玉對小明說她爸爸性無能 欲罷不能（玉爸不能）
08.狗過了獨木橋就不叫了 過目不忘（過木不汪）
09.蜜蜂停在日曆上 風和日丽（蜂和日曆）
10.兩個男人坐在石頭上 一石二鳥
11.一群女人在聊天 無稽之談（無雞之談）
12.一群人拿雞蛋砸槍 槍林彈雨（槍淋蛋雨）
13.畫家喜歡畫粗的繩子不喜歡畫細的繩子 出神入化（粗繩入畫）
14.搬建中的鋼琴 一見鍾情（移建中琴）
15.拿筷子吃飯 膾炙人口（筷至人口）
16.雞與鴨的對話 雞同鴨講
17.一百零一了 一了百了
18.有十隻羊，九隻蹲在羊圈，一隻蹲在豬圈 抑揚頓挫（一羊蹲錯）
19.羊打電話給老鷹，老鷹接起電話說 喂 陽奉陰違（羊phone 鷹 喂）
20.誰家?有電話？ 天衣（天衣無縫 phone）
21.誰最了解鳥類？ 驚弓（驚弓之鳥）知鳥
22.古人為什麼要臥冰求鯉？ 冰冰有鯉（禮）
23.為什麼公馬跑的比母馬快？ 快馬加鞭
24.為什麼帽子髒了要翻面再戴？ 張冠李戴（髒冠裡戴）
25.為什麼剛出生的小孩就死了？ 出生入死
26.什么动物没有方向感—— 麋鹿 迷路
27.為什麼老師從小就叮嚀我們要珍惜四支箭？ 光陰似箭（四箭）
28.為什麼附中？ 胎死腹中（附中）
29.怎樣讓鴨子不會飛走？ 插一隻翅膀給牠（插翅難飛）
30.怎樣使麻雀安靜下來？ 壓牠一下（鴉雀無聲 壓雀 無聲）
31.那位古人跑的最快？ 曹操 说曹操曹操就到
32.哪一種蛇有很多嘴巴？ 七嘴八舌（蛇）
33.洗臉的叫臉盆 那洗手的呢？ 金盆（金盆洗手）
34.喝哪一種果汁最辛苦？ 絞盡腦汁
35.在地獄的斷頭台看得到什麼？ 鬼頭鬼腦
36.神的交通工具是什么？宝贝 神奇（骑）宝贝
37.如何分辨香肉店與狗肉店的不同？ 狗肉店店門口會掛羊頭（掛羊頭賣狗肉）
38.什么动物可以贴在墙上？ 海豹（报）贴在墙壁上
39.什么颜色最会模仿？ 红（磨坊）模仿
40.星星有多重？ 8 公克 （starbucks 星八克)
41.溜馬隊的miller死了以後會變什麼？ 彌勒佛
42.為什麼”七上八下”七在八的上面？ （超欠打的~~）因為 八在七的下面
43.為什麼你看不到上帝的老二？ 天機不可洩漏（天雞）
44.哪一首歌歌詞有”李玟”？ 月亮代表我的心（ 李玟我愛你有多深....）
45.什么鸡最慢？ 尼可 基德曼
46.哪一種蛇生命力最強？ 三吋不爛之舌（蛇）
47.為什麼冰山只有一角 ？ 另一隻腳被鐵達尼號撞斷了
48.為什麼漢子不出門？ 因為 出了門就變 門外漢
49.辣妹什么地方最香？ 腊梅处处香
50.最排斥你的人是谁? 大肠,因为你是大便.
51.av女优最喜欢周华健的什么歌—— 亲亲我的宝贝
52.会大便的面是什么 ——拉面
53.小男孩子小便，打一歌名？ 陶哲（吉吉）（掏鸡鸡）
54.猴子最讨厌什么线？ 并行线，因为没有相交（香蕉）
55.象皮、老虎皮、狮子皮哪一个比较差？ 象皮，因为橡皮擦（象皮差）
56.狼、老虎和狮子谁玩游戏一定会被淘汰? 狼，因为：桃太郎（淘汰狼）
57.孔子有三位徒****贡.子路.和子游,请问哪一位不是人？ 子路，因为指鹿为马（子路为马）
58.布跟纸怕什么? 不怕一万只怕万一 (布怕一万纸怕万一)
59.麒麟飞到北极会变成什么？ 冰淇淋（冰麒麟）
60.星星.月亮.太阳哪一个是哑巴? 星星，因为：鲁冰花歌中有一句「天上的星星不说话」
61.铅笔姓什么？ 萧，因为：削（萧）铅笔
62.马、虎、狼三种动物，请问是谁把龙藏起来了呢? 狼，因为：卧虎藏龙（wolf藏龙
63.为什么蚕宝宝很有钱？ 因为.....蚕会结茧(节俭)
64.蝴蝶, 蚂蚁, 蜘蛛, 蜈蚣, 哪一个没有领到酬劳? 蜈蚣，因为：无功（蜈蚣）不受禄
65.哪为历史人物最欠扁？ 苏武，因为：苏武牧羊北海边（被海扁）
66.有位媽媽生了連體嬰，姊姊叫瑪丽，那麼妹妹叫做什麼 夢露 瑪丽蓮（連）夢露
01.有一隻熊走過來 有備而來（有bear來）
02. 第十一本書 不可思議（book11）
03. 哪一種蝙蝠不用休息 不修邊幅（不休蝙蝠）
04. 一個人被刷成金色 一鳴驚人（一名金人）
05. 羊停止了呼吸 揚眉吐氣（羊没吐氣）
06.手機不可以掉到馬桶裡 機不可失（濕）
07.小玉對小明說她爸爸性無能 欲罷不能（玉爸不能）
08.狗過了獨木橋就不叫了 過目不忘（過木不汪）
09.蜜蜂停在日曆上 風和日丽（蜂和日曆）
10.兩個男人坐在石頭上 一石二鳥
11.一群女人在聊天 無稽之談（無雞之談）
12.一群人拿雞蛋砸槍 槍林彈雨（槍淋蛋雨）
13.畫家喜歡畫粗的繩子不喜歡畫細的繩子 出神入化（粗繩入畫）
14.搬建中的鋼琴 一見鍾情（移建中琴）
15.拿筷子吃飯 膾炙人口（筷至人口）
16.雞與鴨的對話 雞同鴨講
17.一百零一了 一了百了
18.有十隻羊，九隻蹲在羊圈，一隻蹲在豬圈 抑揚頓挫（一羊蹲錯）
19.羊打電話給老鷹，老鷹接起電話說 喂 陽奉陰違（羊phone 鷹 喂）
20.誰家?有電話？ 天衣（天衣無縫 phone）
21.誰最了解鳥類？ 驚弓（驚弓之鳥）知鳥
22.古人為什麼要臥冰求鯉？ 冰冰有鯉（禮）
23.為什麼公馬跑的比母馬快？ 快馬加鞭
24.為什麼帽子髒了要翻面再戴？ 張冠李戴（髒冠裡戴）
25.為什麼剛出生的小孩就死了？ 出生入死
26.什么动物没有方向感—— 麋鹿 迷路
27.為什麼老師從小就叮嚀我們要珍惜四支箭？ 光陰似箭（四箭）
28.為什麼附中？ 胎死腹中（附中）
29.怎樣讓鴨子不會飛走？ 插一隻翅膀給牠（插翅難飛）
30.怎樣使麻雀安靜下來？ 壓牠一下（鴉雀無聲 壓雀 無聲）
31.那位古人跑的最快？ 曹操 说曹操曹操就到
32.哪一種蛇有很多嘴巴？ 七嘴八舌（蛇）
33.洗臉的叫臉盆 那洗手的呢？ 金盆（金盆洗手）
34.喝哪一種果汁最辛苦？ 絞盡腦汁
35.在地獄的斷頭台看得到什麼？ 鬼頭鬼腦
36.神的交通工具是什么？宝贝 神奇（骑）宝贝
37.如何分辨香肉店與狗肉店的不同？ 狗肉店店門口會掛羊頭（掛羊頭賣狗肉）
38.什么动物可以贴在墙上？ 海豹（报）贴在墙壁上
39.什么颜色最会模仿？ 红（磨坊）模仿
40.星星有多重？ 8 公克 （starbucks 星八克)
41.溜馬隊的miller死了以後會變什麼？ 彌勒佛
42.為什麼”七上八下”七在八的上面？ （超欠打的~~）因為 八在七的下面
43.為什麼你看不到上帝的老二？ 天機不可洩漏（天雞）
44.哪一首歌歌詞有”李玟”？ 月亮代表我的心（ 李玟我愛你有多深....）
45.什么鸡最慢？ 尼可 基德曼
46.哪一種蛇生命力最強？ 三吋不爛之舌（蛇）
47.為什麼冰山只有一角 ？ 另一隻腳被鐵達尼號撞斷了
48.為什麼漢子不出門？ 因為 出了門就變 門外漢
49.辣妹什么地方最香？ 腊梅处处香
50.最排斥你的人是谁? 大肠,因为你是大便.
51.av女优最喜欢周华健的什么歌—— 亲亲我的宝贝
52.会大便的面是什么 ——拉面
53.小男孩子小便，打一歌名？ 陶哲（吉吉）（掏鸡鸡）
54.猴子最讨厌什么线？ 并行线，因为没有相交（香蕉）
55.象皮、老虎皮、狮子皮哪一个比较差？ 象皮，因为橡皮擦（象皮差）
56.狼、老虎和狮子谁玩游戏一定会被淘汰? 狼，因为：桃太郎（淘汰狼）
57.孔子有三位徒****贡.子路.和子游,请问哪一位不是人？ 子路，因为指鹿为马（子路为马）
58.布跟纸怕什么? 不怕一万只怕万一 (布怕一万纸怕万一)
59.麒麟飞到北极会变成什么？ 冰淇淋（冰麒麟）
60.星星.月亮.太阳哪一个是哑巴? 星星，因为：鲁冰花歌中有一句「天上的星星不说话」
61.铅笔姓什么？ 萧，因为：削（萧）铅笔
62.马、虎、狼三种动物，请问是谁把龙藏起来了呢? 狼，因为：卧虎藏龙（wolf藏龙
63.为什么蚕宝宝很有钱？ 因为.....蚕会结茧(节俭)
64.蝴蝶, 蚂蚁, 蜘蛛, 蜈蚣, 哪一个没有领到酬劳? 蜈蚣，因为：无功（蜈蚣）不受禄
65.哪为历史人物最欠扁？ 苏武，因为：苏武牧羊北海边（被海扁）
66.有位媽媽生了連體嬰，姊姊叫瑪丽，那麼妹妹叫做什麼 夢露 瑪丽蓮（連）夢露
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Tequila and Salt
This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could
Read it everyday. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt, and call me over!
Good friends are like stars........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
'Whenever God Closes One Door He Always Opens Another, Even Though Sometimes
It's Hell in the Hallway'
I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here than a whole truck load when I'm gone.
Read it everyday. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt, and call me over!
Good friends are like stars........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
'Whenever God Closes One Door He Always Opens Another, Even Though Sometimes
It's Hell in the Hallway'
I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here than a whole truck load when I'm gone.
A good one...............hahahhah!
When he woke up he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe “Who the hell are you?" Demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?". The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter". Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.. You’ve got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad" replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode". "You’re ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before". "Never" replies Brian “Well just relax and let it happen” And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail.
AH Beng's e-meow
Dear Ah Lian
Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.
You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.
You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.
Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.
I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me. Goo bye.....
Worm regard,
Ah Beng
Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.
You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.
You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.
Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.
I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me. Goo bye.....
Worm regard,
Ah Beng
Men's Thesaurus
For the ladies out there. :)
Men's Thesaurus
"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."
"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."
"OH, DON'T FUSS -- I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."
"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated: "I make the messes; she cleans them up."
Men's Thesaurus
"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."
"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."
"OH, DON'T FUSS -- I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."
"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated: "I make the messes; she cleans them up."
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
New Office Vocabulary
New Office Vocabulary
Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, messes up everything, and then leaves.
Blowing Your Buffer - Losing your train of thought.
Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the brass with clean hands.
CLM (Career-Limiting Move) - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity, e.g., trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
Depotphobia - Fear associated with entering a Costco or Kmart because of how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia, Tandyagonia, or Circuit Cityatosis.
Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the Adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss.
Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-a-cubicle comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him -- he's 404, man."
Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, or housing development subdivisions.
Used as in "We were so lost in Generica that I forgot what city we were in."
GOOD ("Get-Out-Of-Debt") Job - A well-paying job people will take to pay off their debts, which they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the daylights out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and all the co-workers' heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
Telephone Number Salary - A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.
Umfriend - A relationship of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Dale, my...um...friend."
Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We owe $8 each, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."
Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, messes up everything, and then leaves.
Blowing Your Buffer - Losing your train of thought.
Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the brass with clean hands.
CLM (Career-Limiting Move) - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity, e.g., trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
Depotphobia - Fear associated with entering a Costco or Kmart because of how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia, Tandyagonia, or Circuit Cityatosis.
Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the Adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss.
Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-a-cubicle comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him -- he's 404, man."
Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, or housing development subdivisions.
Used as in "We were so lost in Generica that I forgot what city we were in."
GOOD ("Get-Out-Of-Debt") Job - A well-paying job people will take to pay off their debts, which they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the daylights out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and all the co-workers' heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
Telephone Number Salary - A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.
Umfriend - A relationship of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Dale, my...um...friend."
Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We owe $8 each, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."
Funny Notes (ii)
令人哭笑不得的便条
老师辞职了（理由超级搞笑）
语文老师：上课的时候，有个同学在看杂志，我没收了他的杂志敲了敲他脑袋。可是在我转身准备继续上课的时候，他的同桌竟然哈哈大笑了起来，搞的课都上不下去，我就问他，为什么笑，你知道他是怎么答我的？那小子从抽屉里掏出一本辞海，竟然这样对我说："老师，你还好没发现我看书，要不就被你砸死了～～"
……
数学老师：一个单元考从来不及格的同学竟然能在交上来的作业里用到高中的知识..........我问他这作业是不是他自己做的，那个同学竟然回答我说不知道，你说说看，象话嘛，我就继续问他，要他老实交代，到底是谁帮他做的，嘿，他还倒有理由的，回答我说："老师，我真不知道这作业谁做的，说实话，昨天晚上我比较早睡觉...."
……
物理老师：你知道不知道单单一个顺时针和一个逆时针我就教了几节课？五节课啊！是，我也是这么对他们说的，我告诉他们如果还不明白就看看手表，时针往哪儿走就哪儿就是顺时针，反过来就是逆时针。可是，全班数过去，不是手机就是电子表......
我不辞职我就一学期都教他们这两个词语啊？
…………
体育老师：我为什么不辞职？那帮小子竟然给我送礼物！！不，送礼物没错，我的意思不是说他们送礼物给我就错了，可是他们送礼物给我就是不对。
我怎么越说越糊涂了，这样说吧，虽然我苗条了点，皮肤白了点，可好歹我也是个男教师对吧？可是前几天三八妇女节的时候，那帮小子竟然送了一盒的褪毛霜给我.....还，还，还对我说以后夏天别穿毛裤了，靠，那是我腿毛！
…………
生物老师：我真的不想走啊，可是......你是知道的，我有心脏病，受不了激动，但我能不激动吗？昨天单元考试，根据教学大纲的要求，我让同学们看着教学图片上的鸟腿写出鸟的名称，生活习性。可是我才刚说要考试的内容，就有个同学站了起来往门外走，嘴里囔囔着"靠，这种题目也有，老子不考了...."你说这样的学生要不要教育？我叫住他，问他叫什么名字，他竟然把裤管一拉，把腿露出来对我说："来啊，看着我的腿写出我的名字啊........."
…………
美术老师：你是知道的，我才刚被分配到这个班。昨天上课的时候我才刚进门就听到几个同学大叫"美女"，你说气不气人？我是老师，他们怎么可以这么不尊重老师呢？..是，如果只是因为他们喊我"美女"我就辞职是我不对，可是在我寻找谁喊"美女"的时候，那几个同学又对我喊了一句"看什么看，又不是喊你！"
…………
历史老师：那群学生真的没办法教了，上课的时候我提问题："你们知道武则天是什么人吗？"第一个同学回答我说他和她不熟，第二个同学回答我说是他的一个网友，第三个同学说他有她的ＱＱ号码等下课了上ＱＱ问一下......还一个同学竟然掏出手机竟然说要马上问她！
…………
社会老师：我在讲银行一节时说到，同学们，大家知道米行是卖米的，布行是卖布的，那么大家知道银行吗？所有学生一致大声回答：银行是卖yin的……
地理老师：你自己看看这次他们的试卷吧，我国五大名山之首是赵本山，最著名的江是潘长江，我国的'煤都'是(黑的)，我国的'铁都'是(硬的)，你说我还怎么上课？
……
英语老师：我讲到独立结构的时候，按照教科书要求，我特意教了他们这么一个例句："Ourteacher comes into the classroom,book under
arm"(我们老师夹着本书走进了教室)，可是在考试的时候，全般的同学全部翻译成"老师进了教室，胯下夹着一本书"......
……
音乐老师：我在上课，示范一首歌......唱完后同学们全部鼓掌。我很高兴，我在想，其他老师可能都是教学方法不对....可是他们还没让我想完就给了我否定的答案，他们大喊着："老师，太棒了，你是所有老师里口技最好的，我们第一次听到这么象的鸭叫！"
……
化学老师：我？你在问我？我还没上课呢，不过其他老师都被逼的辞职了，我不辞职我等着去承担他们的痛苦啊
老师辞职了（理由超级搞笑）
语文老师：上课的时候，有个同学在看杂志，我没收了他的杂志敲了敲他脑袋。可是在我转身准备继续上课的时候，他的同桌竟然哈哈大笑了起来，搞的课都上不下去，我就问他，为什么笑，你知道他是怎么答我的？那小子从抽屉里掏出一本辞海，竟然这样对我说："老师，你还好没发现我看书，要不就被你砸死了～～"
……
数学老师：一个单元考从来不及格的同学竟然能在交上来的作业里用到高中的知识..........我问他这作业是不是他自己做的，那个同学竟然回答我说不知道，你说说看，象话嘛，我就继续问他，要他老实交代，到底是谁帮他做的，嘿，他还倒有理由的，回答我说："老师，我真不知道这作业谁做的，说实话，昨天晚上我比较早睡觉...."
……
物理老师：你知道不知道单单一个顺时针和一个逆时针我就教了几节课？五节课啊！是，我也是这么对他们说的，我告诉他们如果还不明白就看看手表，时针往哪儿走就哪儿就是顺时针，反过来就是逆时针。可是，全班数过去，不是手机就是电子表......
我不辞职我就一学期都教他们这两个词语啊？
…………
体育老师：我为什么不辞职？那帮小子竟然给我送礼物！！不，送礼物没错，我的意思不是说他们送礼物给我就错了，可是他们送礼物给我就是不对。
我怎么越说越糊涂了，这样说吧，虽然我苗条了点，皮肤白了点，可好歹我也是个男教师对吧？可是前几天三八妇女节的时候，那帮小子竟然送了一盒的褪毛霜给我.....还，还，还对我说以后夏天别穿毛裤了，靠，那是我腿毛！
…………
生物老师：我真的不想走啊，可是......你是知道的，我有心脏病，受不了激动，但我能不激动吗？昨天单元考试，根据教学大纲的要求，我让同学们看着教学图片上的鸟腿写出鸟的名称，生活习性。可是我才刚说要考试的内容，就有个同学站了起来往门外走，嘴里囔囔着"靠，这种题目也有，老子不考了...."你说这样的学生要不要教育？我叫住他，问他叫什么名字，他竟然把裤管一拉，把腿露出来对我说："来啊，看着我的腿写出我的名字啊........."
…………
美术老师：你是知道的，我才刚被分配到这个班。昨天上课的时候我才刚进门就听到几个同学大叫"美女"，你说气不气人？我是老师，他们怎么可以这么不尊重老师呢？..是，如果只是因为他们喊我"美女"我就辞职是我不对，可是在我寻找谁喊"美女"的时候，那几个同学又对我喊了一句"看什么看，又不是喊你！"
…………
历史老师：那群学生真的没办法教了，上课的时候我提问题："你们知道武则天是什么人吗？"第一个同学回答我说他和她不熟，第二个同学回答我说是他的一个网友，第三个同学说他有她的ＱＱ号码等下课了上ＱＱ问一下......还一个同学竟然掏出手机竟然说要马上问她！
…………
社会老师：我在讲银行一节时说到，同学们，大家知道米行是卖米的，布行是卖布的，那么大家知道银行吗？所有学生一致大声回答：银行是卖yin的……
地理老师：你自己看看这次他们的试卷吧，我国五大名山之首是赵本山，最著名的江是潘长江，我国的'煤都'是(黑的)，我国的'铁都'是(硬的)，你说我还怎么上课？
……
英语老师：我讲到独立结构的时候，按照教科书要求，我特意教了他们这么一个例句："Ourteacher comes into the classroom,book under
arm"(我们老师夹着本书走进了教室)，可是在考试的时候，全般的同学全部翻译成"老师进了教室，胯下夹着一本书"......
……
音乐老师：我在上课，示范一首歌......唱完后同学们全部鼓掌。我很高兴，我在想，其他老师可能都是教学方法不对....可是他们还没让我想完就给了我否定的答案，他们大喊着："老师，太棒了，你是所有老师里口技最好的，我们第一次听到这么象的鸭叫！"
……
化学老师：我？你在问我？我还没上课呢，不过其他老师都被逼的辞职了，我不辞职我等着去承担他们的痛苦啊
Funny Notes (i)
给普通话不标准的总经理：
要叫我提早退休，就实说么！不要老是在公司会议室，叫我是猪生的（资深的）。
——个确定是我娘生的老芋留
给恶心的弟弟：
问你为什么要用5只手指头轮流挖鼻孔时请别回答我说："每只手指头挖起来各有不同的感觉。"
——小鼻孔姊姊留
给伤心欲绝的老板：
公司会倒，我想跟名字也有一点关系吧？
——惠岛有限公司的员工留
给大眼：
请你不要每次都用很羡慕的口吻对我说："眼睛小真好，上课打瞌睡都不会被老师发现！好吗？"
——不知道该可悲还是该庆幸的小眼留
给反应很快的阿婆：
那天您坐在公车上，252司机的紧急刹车，您重心不稳冲了出去，竟问司机："找我有什么事情？"
——觉得你蛮可爱的学生留
给某超速驾驶员：
我把你拦下来，要你交出驾照，你反而马上把车开走。再度拦下你，你却回答："你不是叫我先走（闽南语）？"
——彻底被你打败的交警留
给8岁的女儿：
请别在大庭广众之下问我："妈，我的'保险套'呢？"天哪！那个叫做"装保险单的大套子"，OK？
——当场很想消失的妈妈留
给初玩股票的美眉：
股票只有上市及上柜两种，别跟我说要'下柜'的好吗？
——哭笑不得的营业员留
给恶心的萍：
当我问你要不要吃猪肠时，请不要回答我："我不敢吃，我怕吃到蛔虫。"
——正在吃猪肠，却想去厕所吐的苹留
给表达不佳的琳：
虽然你的语文能力不好，但请不要离谱地告诉我："阿琪他爷爷有一次死掉……"
——认为人只能死一次的璇留
给天才儿子：
虽然你放屁怕同学闻到，但我不认为你低头猛吸，就可以把屁味吸光。
——怀疑你考语文总是100分的妈妈留
给亲爱的学生：
虽然教官我真的很忙，但在厕所看到我，请别向我说："教官，这么忙还自己来上厕所啊！"
——不认为别人可以代替的教官留
给从没捐过血的大牛：
当你收到捐血报告书时，请不要大声嚷嚷，它把你的血打零分（O）而我的血是A！
——被你彻底打败的捐血人小明留
要叫我提早退休，就实说么！不要老是在公司会议室，叫我是猪生的（资深的）。
——个确定是我娘生的老芋留
给恶心的弟弟：
问你为什么要用5只手指头轮流挖鼻孔时请别回答我说："每只手指头挖起来各有不同的感觉。"
——小鼻孔姊姊留
给伤心欲绝的老板：
公司会倒，我想跟名字也有一点关系吧？
——惠岛有限公司的员工留
给大眼：
请你不要每次都用很羡慕的口吻对我说："眼睛小真好，上课打瞌睡都不会被老师发现！好吗？"
——不知道该可悲还是该庆幸的小眼留
给反应很快的阿婆：
那天您坐在公车上，252司机的紧急刹车，您重心不稳冲了出去，竟问司机："找我有什么事情？"
——觉得你蛮可爱的学生留
给某超速驾驶员：
我把你拦下来，要你交出驾照，你反而马上把车开走。再度拦下你，你却回答："你不是叫我先走（闽南语）？"
——彻底被你打败的交警留
给8岁的女儿：
请别在大庭广众之下问我："妈，我的'保险套'呢？"天哪！那个叫做"装保险单的大套子"，OK？
——当场很想消失的妈妈留
给初玩股票的美眉：
股票只有上市及上柜两种，别跟我说要'下柜'的好吗？
——哭笑不得的营业员留
给恶心的萍：
当我问你要不要吃猪肠时，请不要回答我："我不敢吃，我怕吃到蛔虫。"
——正在吃猪肠，却想去厕所吐的苹留
给表达不佳的琳：
虽然你的语文能力不好，但请不要离谱地告诉我："阿琪他爷爷有一次死掉……"
——认为人只能死一次的璇留
给天才儿子：
虽然你放屁怕同学闻到，但我不认为你低头猛吸，就可以把屁味吸光。
——怀疑你考语文总是100分的妈妈留
给亲爱的学生：
虽然教官我真的很忙，但在厕所看到我，请别向我说："教官，这么忙还自己来上厕所啊！"
——不认为别人可以代替的教官留
给从没捐过血的大牛：
当你收到捐血报告书时，请不要大声嚷嚷，它把你的血打零分（O）而我的血是A！
——被你彻底打败的捐血人小明留
Five Principles for Happiness in 2007
Five Principles for Happiness in 2007
by David Bach
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
The arrival of the new year marks a symbolic time for fresh starts. Many of us take it as an opportunity to set goals, contemplate decisions, and renew commitments. It's special because of the revitalized sense of hope it brings.
Before you make your New Year's resolutions for 2007, I'd like to share some thoughts about how it's never too late to start living a rich life.
The Live Rich Factor
Most people believe that if they just had more money, the things that make them unhappy would disappear and their lives would be better. The truth is that your life can be better without more money. It can be better today, but you need to make some decisions and take some actions.
You don't need me to tell you what will make you happy -- only you know that truth.
I believe each of us has the power to discover our purpose and become joyful in the process of journeying toward that purpose. It's not easy, however. Nothing important and meaningful ever is.
What you need to do is create what I call the "Live Rich Factor" in your life. I call it this because those who find the purpose that leads them to joy are truly the luckiest people in the world, because they're living richly.
There are five basic principles involved in creating your Live Rich Factor:
Principle 1: Give Yourself a Break
We all tell ourselves the story of the one that got away. You can't move forward if you spend time focusing on what you shoulda-woulda-coulda done in 2006 or before. It's over, and its time to move on. The fastest way I know to do this is to write all of your regrets down on paper.
Make a list of all your personal and financial if-onlys. For example, "If only I had saved more money. If only I hadn't quit that job. If only I hadn't taken the job I have." You get the idea.
After reading the list aloud to yourself, get rid of it. Let it all go by literally burning the list (safely). Now you're ready for a fresh start in 2007 -- a new beginning.
Principle 2: Get Connected with Your Truth
The hardest thing to do is be honest with yourself. Asking yourself some key questions will lead you to some amazing discoveries, and possibly motivate you to do what it takes to create the life you envision for yourself.
I suggest writing your (honest) answers to the following questions in a new journal for the new year:
Principle 3: Stop Judging Yourself
Be nicer to yourself in 2007. Many people talk to themselves in a way they would never accept from a stranger, friend, or loved one. If this describes you, try stopping the negative conversations you have with yourself immediately.
For one week, simply commit to saying "stop it" when you think a negative thought about yourself. If you're in the habit of saying negative things to yourself, you'll find this is one of the most difficult exercises you'll ever do. Carry a notepad with you and make a mark each time you catch yourself thinking negatively. You'll find that as the days go by, your negative thinking can quickly be reduced.
Principle 4: Stop Judging Others
It's hard to be joyful when you're always judging others. In fact, it's close to impossible. Judging others creates a huge amount of stress in our lives. It affects our marriages and our relationships with our kids as well as the way we relate to friends, co-workers, and society in general.
We're not here to judge one another.
The next time you find yourself upset at someone or some situation, catch yourself and ask, "Are you judging?" Judging others is often an unconscious habit. But it's a habit that can be changed the moment you decide to stop doing it.
Principle 5 : Pursue Fun with a Vengeance
It's OK to pursue fun. It's what children do. My greatest joy these days is the simple pleasure of playing with my three-year-old son, Jack.
This holiday season with Jack taught me the simple power of pursuing fun -- again and again. What was fun for Jack this Christmas? It turns out it wasn't the Big Wheel that my wife, Michelle, and I stayed up so late building on Christmas Eve. And it wasn't the Star Wars Lego toy (although he was pretty excited about that).
Instead, what Jack found the most fun was a new game I made up to keep him entertained. The game was called Geronimo -- and it involved Jack jumping from the bed onto a stack of pillows yelling "Geronimo!" This silly little game ended up bringing us both hours of fun. The price of the game: nothing. The fun: priceless. And the laughs? Endless.
Why do we stop pursing fun as we get older? Fun shouldn't be squeezed into a few weeks of vacation each year. And it shouldn't be squeezed into the last chapter of your life when you "get to" retire. Fun deserves to be a part of your life now -- in 2007.
But fun doesn't just happen. You have to make it a priority in your life or it'll go missing. Life's too short to not have it.
So here's to a fun, happy, and healthy New Year. Cheers!
http://finance.yahoo.com/expert/article/millionaire/18930;_ylt=Av_8rC9rriuqQVJrkDiH7uxIt9IF
by David Bach
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
The arrival of the new year marks a symbolic time for fresh starts. Many of us take it as an opportunity to set goals, contemplate decisions, and renew commitments. It's special because of the revitalized sense of hope it brings.
Before you make your New Year's resolutions for 2007, I'd like to share some thoughts about how it's never too late to start living a rich life.
The Live Rich Factor
Most people believe that if they just had more money, the things that make them unhappy would disappear and their lives would be better. The truth is that your life can be better without more money. It can be better today, but you need to make some decisions and take some actions.
You don't need me to tell you what will make you happy -- only you know that truth.
I believe each of us has the power to discover our purpose and become joyful in the process of journeying toward that purpose. It's not easy, however. Nothing important and meaningful ever is.
What you need to do is create what I call the "Live Rich Factor" in your life. I call it this because those who find the purpose that leads them to joy are truly the luckiest people in the world, because they're living richly.
There are five basic principles involved in creating your Live Rich Factor:
Principle 1: Give Yourself a Break
We all tell ourselves the story of the one that got away. You can't move forward if you spend time focusing on what you shoulda-woulda-coulda done in 2006 or before. It's over, and its time to move on. The fastest way I know to do this is to write all of your regrets down on paper.
Make a list of all your personal and financial if-onlys. For example, "If only I had saved more money. If only I hadn't quit that job. If only I hadn't taken the job I have." You get the idea.
After reading the list aloud to yourself, get rid of it. Let it all go by literally burning the list (safely). Now you're ready for a fresh start in 2007 -- a new beginning.
Principle 2: Get Connected with Your Truth
The hardest thing to do is be honest with yourself. Asking yourself some key questions will lead you to some amazing discoveries, and possibly motivate you to do what it takes to create the life you envision for yourself.
I suggest writing your (honest) answers to the following questions in a new journal for the new year:
- What makes you happy at work?
- What makes you happy at home?
- What makes you happy with your friends and family?
- What makes you happy when you're by yourself?
- What do you love to do?
- What would you do with your life today if you weren't afraid of failure?
- What's not working in your life?
- What are you currently doing that prevents you from experiencing joy?
- What's working in your life?
- Who's not working in your life?
- Who in your life is subtracting value from and adding misery to it?
- Can you fix any of these relationships, or should you let them go from your life?
- What relationships are working in your life?
- If we were getting together one year from today, what would have to happen for you to be able to tell me that you now have more joy in your life?
- What's the single most important thing you've learned about yourself as a result of answering these questions?
Principle 3: Stop Judging Yourself
Be nicer to yourself in 2007. Many people talk to themselves in a way they would never accept from a stranger, friend, or loved one. If this describes you, try stopping the negative conversations you have with yourself immediately.
For one week, simply commit to saying "stop it" when you think a negative thought about yourself. If you're in the habit of saying negative things to yourself, you'll find this is one of the most difficult exercises you'll ever do. Carry a notepad with you and make a mark each time you catch yourself thinking negatively. You'll find that as the days go by, your negative thinking can quickly be reduced.
Principle 4: Stop Judging Others
It's hard to be joyful when you're always judging others. In fact, it's close to impossible. Judging others creates a huge amount of stress in our lives. It affects our marriages and our relationships with our kids as well as the way we relate to friends, co-workers, and society in general.
We're not here to judge one another.
The next time you find yourself upset at someone or some situation, catch yourself and ask, "Are you judging?" Judging others is often an unconscious habit. But it's a habit that can be changed the moment you decide to stop doing it.
Principle 5 : Pursue Fun with a Vengeance
It's OK to pursue fun. It's what children do. My greatest joy these days is the simple pleasure of playing with my three-year-old son, Jack.
This holiday season with Jack taught me the simple power of pursuing fun -- again and again. What was fun for Jack this Christmas? It turns out it wasn't the Big Wheel that my wife, Michelle, and I stayed up so late building on Christmas Eve. And it wasn't the Star Wars Lego toy (although he was pretty excited about that).
Instead, what Jack found the most fun was a new game I made up to keep him entertained. The game was called Geronimo -- and it involved Jack jumping from the bed onto a stack of pillows yelling "Geronimo!" This silly little game ended up bringing us both hours of fun. The price of the game: nothing. The fun: priceless. And the laughs? Endless.
Why do we stop pursing fun as we get older? Fun shouldn't be squeezed into a few weeks of vacation each year. And it shouldn't be squeezed into the last chapter of your life when you "get to" retire. Fun deserves to be a part of your life now -- in 2007.
But fun doesn't just happen. You have to make it a priority in your life or it'll go missing. Life's too short to not have it.
So here's to a fun, happy, and healthy New Year. Cheers!
http://finance.yahoo.com/expert/article/millionaire/18930;_ylt=Av_8rC9rriuqQVJrkDiH7uxIt9IF
Monday, April 23, 2007
Think and review
Sub: Think and review............
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind.
She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him.
Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear."
This is how human brain changes when the status changed.
Only few remember what life was before, and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.
Sub: Life Is A Gift
Today before you think of saying an unkind word. Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food. Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife. Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion.
Today before you complain about life. Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
Before you complain about your children. Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn't clean or sweep. Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive. Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job. Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another. Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around.
Life is a gift, Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it
EMBRACE IT
And fulfill it
And while you are at it give love to someone today. Love someone with what you do and the words you say. Love is not meant to be kept locked inside of us and hidden
So give it away "Give Love to someone today!" Remember to live each day to the fullest.
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind.
She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him.
Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear."
This is how human brain changes when the status changed.
Only few remember what life was before, and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.
Sub: Life Is A Gift
Today before you think of saying an unkind word. Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food. Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife. Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion.
Today before you complain about life. Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
Before you complain about your children. Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn't clean or sweep. Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive. Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job. Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another. Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around.
Life is a gift, Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it
EMBRACE IT
And fulfill it
And while you are at it give love to someone today. Love someone with what you do and the words you say. Love is not meant to be kept locked inside of us and hidden
So give it away "Give Love to someone today!" Remember to live each day to the fullest.
40
1
男人是上帝根据世界的需要而创造的；
女人是上帝根据男人的需要而创造的
2
男人爱上女人后， 他会做诗
女人爱上男人后， 她会做梦
3
女人对男人往往会朝思暮想
男人对女人往往会朝秦暮楚
4
女人的看家本领是撒娇；
男人的拿手好戏是撒谎
5
女人的幸福在于：他真的爱我；
男人的幸福在于：她值得我爱
6
女人应该有丰满的胸脯；
男人应该有丰满的腰包
7
女人吻男人算是一种幸福；
男人吻女人算是一种口福
8
当女人走投无路的时候，她会和一个男人结婚；
当男人走投无路的时候， 一个女人会和他离婚
9
聪明的女人会嫁给爱她的男人做老婆；
愚蠢的女人会嫁给她爱的男人做老婆
10
做情人的时候， 女人会让男人心疼；
做妻子的时候， 女人会让男人头疼
11
少女习惯用眼神征服男人；
少妇习惯用眼泪征服男人
12
为女人发誓的男人是可笑的
为女人发财的男人是可爱的
13
男人要是提出离婚， 往往是他已经不喜欢她的妻子了
女人要是提出离婚， 往往是她丈夫已经不喜欢她了
14
女人坚持独身， 人们会认为她有毛病；
男人坚持独身， 人们会认为他有事业心。
而实际情况是:
15
女人坚持独身是因为找不到好对象，
男人坚持独身是因为找不到对象
16
女人习惯把赌注押在爱情上；
男人习惯把赌注押在婚姻上；
17
女人能够忍受不幸的婚姻， 不能忍受不幸的爱情；
男人能够忍受不幸的爱情， 不能忍受不幸的婚姻
18
一个忧郁的女人背后必然有一段不幸的爱
一个憔悴的男人的背后必然有一桩不幸的婚姻
19
女人再婚是为了赌气；
男人再婚是为了碰运气
20
女人总是希望她是他的最后一个女人；
男人总是希望他是她的第一个男人...
21
女人姣好的长相，使男人迅速坠入情网
男人的甜言蜜语，使女人乐于被拉下爱河。
22
男人追求女人，如隔着一座山；
女人追求男人，如隔着一层纸。
尽管如此，实际生活中:
23
男人往往能追到他喜欢的女人，
而女人却得不到她爱恋的男人，
原因是：
24
男人不怕翻山越岭，
女人却怕伤了手指头。
25
男人获得爱的方式是迅速出击，在燃烧中拥抱爱的烈焰；
女人获得爱的方法是缓慢地渗透，然后在平静中品尝爱的芬芳。
26
化妆品对女人而言，是信心。
对男人而言，是幻觉。
27
男人热恋时聪明之级；
女人热恋时却愚蠢无比。
28
男人考验女人的方法是远走高飞；
女人考验男人的方式是约会迟到。
29
男人为结婚而恋爱；
女人为爱情而结婚。
30
男人酒后话多，
女人婚后话多。
31
男人恋爱希望把复杂的过程弄简单，
女人恋爱喜欢将简单的事情弄复杂。
32
男人无情地把初恋情人当做一次性饮料，满足渴望后毫不吝啬地扔掉，
女人深情地把初恋情人当做哺育成人的乳汁，一辈子品尝他的回味。
33
男人选择女人，目光瞄准脸蛋，
女人选择男人，心思放在钱包。
34
男人恋爱是因为无事可做，
女人恋爱是因为好奇心驱使。 结果是男人烦恼女人失望。
35
男人希望女友经历越少越好，
女人却希望男友经历越多越好。
36
男人恋爱时用眼，
女人恋爱时用心。
37
男人的眼睛靠辐射，
而女人的心靠传导。
38
男人喜欢放出诱饵垂钓爱情，
女人喜欢不惜血本守望爱情。
39
男人恋爱后变得可怜巴巴，
女人恋爱后变得神经兮兮。
40
女人恋爱期间渴望对方裸露心灵，
男人恋爱期间渴望对方裸露身体。
男人是上帝根据世界的需要而创造的；
女人是上帝根据男人的需要而创造的
2
男人爱上女人后， 他会做诗
女人爱上男人后， 她会做梦
3
女人对男人往往会朝思暮想
男人对女人往往会朝秦暮楚
4
女人的看家本领是撒娇；
男人的拿手好戏是撒谎
5
女人的幸福在于：他真的爱我；
男人的幸福在于：她值得我爱
6
女人应该有丰满的胸脯；
男人应该有丰满的腰包
7
女人吻男人算是一种幸福；
男人吻女人算是一种口福
8
当女人走投无路的时候，她会和一个男人结婚；
当男人走投无路的时候， 一个女人会和他离婚
9
聪明的女人会嫁给爱她的男人做老婆；
愚蠢的女人会嫁给她爱的男人做老婆
10
做情人的时候， 女人会让男人心疼；
做妻子的时候， 女人会让男人头疼
11
少女习惯用眼神征服男人；
少妇习惯用眼泪征服男人
12
为女人发誓的男人是可笑的
为女人发财的男人是可爱的
13
男人要是提出离婚， 往往是他已经不喜欢她的妻子了
女人要是提出离婚， 往往是她丈夫已经不喜欢她了
14
女人坚持独身， 人们会认为她有毛病；
男人坚持独身， 人们会认为他有事业心。
而实际情况是:
15
女人坚持独身是因为找不到好对象，
男人坚持独身是因为找不到对象
16
女人习惯把赌注押在爱情上；
男人习惯把赌注押在婚姻上；
17
女人能够忍受不幸的婚姻， 不能忍受不幸的爱情；
男人能够忍受不幸的爱情， 不能忍受不幸的婚姻
18
一个忧郁的女人背后必然有一段不幸的爱
一个憔悴的男人的背后必然有一桩不幸的婚姻
19
女人再婚是为了赌气；
男人再婚是为了碰运气
20
女人总是希望她是他的最后一个女人；
男人总是希望他是她的第一个男人...
21
女人姣好的长相，使男人迅速坠入情网
男人的甜言蜜语，使女人乐于被拉下爱河。
22
男人追求女人，如隔着一座山；
女人追求男人，如隔着一层纸。
尽管如此，实际生活中:
23
男人往往能追到他喜欢的女人，
而女人却得不到她爱恋的男人，
原因是：
24
男人不怕翻山越岭，
女人却怕伤了手指头。
25
男人获得爱的方式是迅速出击，在燃烧中拥抱爱的烈焰；
女人获得爱的方法是缓慢地渗透，然后在平静中品尝爱的芬芳。
26
化妆品对女人而言，是信心。
对男人而言，是幻觉。
27
男人热恋时聪明之级；
女人热恋时却愚蠢无比。
28
男人考验女人的方法是远走高飞；
女人考验男人的方式是约会迟到。
29
男人为结婚而恋爱；
女人为爱情而结婚。
30
男人酒后话多，
女人婚后话多。
31
男人恋爱希望把复杂的过程弄简单，
女人恋爱喜欢将简单的事情弄复杂。
32
男人无情地把初恋情人当做一次性饮料，满足渴望后毫不吝啬地扔掉，
女人深情地把初恋情人当做哺育成人的乳汁，一辈子品尝他的回味。
33
男人选择女人，目光瞄准脸蛋，
女人选择男人，心思放在钱包。
34
男人恋爱是因为无事可做，
女人恋爱是因为好奇心驱使。 结果是男人烦恼女人失望。
35
男人希望女友经历越少越好，
女人却希望男友经历越多越好。
36
男人恋爱时用眼，
女人恋爱时用心。
37
男人的眼睛靠辐射，
而女人的心靠传导。
38
男人喜欢放出诱饵垂钓爱情，
女人喜欢不惜血本守望爱情。
39
男人恋爱后变得可怜巴巴，
女人恋爱后变得神经兮兮。
40
女人恋爱期间渴望对方裸露心灵，
男人恋爱期间渴望对方裸露身体。
Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two
Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two
小心讀每一個，再用一兩秒想一想
1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
我愛你不是因為你是誰，而是我在你面前可以是誰。
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
沒有男人或女人是值得你為他流眼淚，值得的那一位，不會要你哭。
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
那人不是你所想般愛你，但不代表那人不是全心全意地愛你。
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
一個真正的朋友是向著你伸手，觸動你心靈的人。
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
掛念一個人最差的方式，就是你坐在他身旁，而知道你不能擁有他。
6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
就算你不快樂也不要皺眉，因為你永不知道誰會愛上你的笑容。
7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
在世界裡你可能只是某人，但對某人你可能是全世界。
8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
不要花時間在一個不會花時間在你身上的人。
9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
可能神要我們在遇到那位對的人之前先遇上一些錯的人，讓我們遇到那位對先生/對小姐時懂得珍惜。
10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
不要因為完結而哭，要為曾經發生而微笑。
11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
這個世界永遠也會有一些傷害你的人，你要做的就是繼續去信人和小心你下次信的人。
12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
在你嘗試了解其他人和盼望其他人明白你之前，先把你自己變成一個更好的人和了解你自己。
13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
不要太努力去找，最好的東西是在你最預計不到的時候出現。
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
緊記: 所有事也是因果循環的。
小心讀每一個，再用一兩秒想一想
1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
我愛你不是因為你是誰，而是我在你面前可以是誰。
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
沒有男人或女人是值得你為他流眼淚，值得的那一位，不會要你哭。
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
那人不是你所想般愛你，但不代表那人不是全心全意地愛你。
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
一個真正的朋友是向著你伸手，觸動你心靈的人。
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
掛念一個人最差的方式，就是你坐在他身旁，而知道你不能擁有他。
6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
就算你不快樂也不要皺眉，因為你永不知道誰會愛上你的笑容。
7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
在世界裡你可能只是某人，但對某人你可能是全世界。
8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
不要花時間在一個不會花時間在你身上的人。
9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
可能神要我們在遇到那位對的人之前先遇上一些錯的人，讓我們遇到那位對先生/對小姐時懂得珍惜。
10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
不要因為完結而哭，要為曾經發生而微笑。
11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
這個世界永遠也會有一些傷害你的人，你要做的就是繼續去信人和小心你下次信的人。
12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
在你嘗試了解其他人和盼望其他人明白你之前，先把你自己變成一個更好的人和了解你自己。
13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
不要太努力去找，最好的東西是在你最預計不到的時候出現。
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
緊記: 所有事也是因果循環的。
Monday, January 29, 2007
I have no money and no life
The original comic strip
from: http://www.comicspage.com/comicspage/main.jsp?file=20070114cssho-s-p.jpg&refresh_content=1&component_id=3&custid=69&catid=1160&dir=%2Fshoe
on 01-14-2007
What I received in my email
what I received after 3 hours
from: http://www.comicspage.com/comicspage/main.jsp?file=20070114cssho-s-p.jpg&refresh_content=1&component_id=3&custid=69&catid=1160&dir=%2Fshoe
on 01-14-2007
What I received in my email
what I received after 3 hours
How to Exercise While Sitting at Your Computer
Sitting at the computer all day is not exactly good for the body. If you have to be at a desk all day long, doing some simple things can improve your posture and health.
Steps
1. Sit properly in a good chair designed for desk work. Your back should be straight, and your head should be looking directly into your monitor. If you have to look down or up, you need to adjust the height of either the screen or your chair. If you keep leaning forward, first get your eyesight checked. If your eyesight is fine use a loose belt or string to tie yourself to the chair. After a while your posture will improve and you'll no longer need this restraint.
2. Maintain an ergonomic body posture while typing. Be sure your wrists are slightly lower than your elbows. This will help prevent Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Keep your legs bent at the knees so that the knees are only slightly higher than your hips. Feet should be flat on the floor or on a step stool of some sort.
3. Stand up every half hour. Walk around a few steps, stretch your legs, and give your eyes a break from focusing on your computer screen. This will also help prevent blood clots from developing in your legs. Blood clots are very common among middle age people, who generally use the computer a lot.
4. To stretch your neck, flex your head forward/backward, side to side and look right and left. Never roll your head around your neck. This could cause damage to the joints of the neck.
5. Roll your wrists regularly (this will help prevent carpal tunnel syndrome if you spend a lot of time typing).
6. Recognize that people tend to hunch in front of the keyboard. To counter that, perform the following exercise: open your arms wide as if you are going to hug someone, rotate your wrists externally (thumbs going up and back) and pull your shoulders back. You will feel a stretch in the scapula area.
7. Contract your abdominal and gluteal muscles, hold them there for a few seconds, then release. Do this all day long while you are in your chair.
8. Stretch your arms, legs, neck and torso while sitting. This will help prevent you from feeling stiff.
9. Take advantage of the downtime created by rebooting or large file downloads to get up and try something more ambitious such as doing a few push-ups, sit-ups, and/or jumping jacks. Beware of your snickering co-workers though.
10. Acquire a hand gripper. They are cheap, small and light. When you have to read something either on the screen or on paper, you probably won't be using your hands very often so squeeze your gripper. It is an excellent forearm workout.
11. Acquire an elastic band (also cheap, small and light) and use it to do the actions mentioned in step 8 (i.e., when stretching your arms, do it by pulling apart the elastic band). You will not only stretch but it will also work the muscles slightly.
12. Take a few deep breaths. If possible, get some fresh air in your lungs.
13. Invest in a large size stability ball or stability ball style desk chair, and sit on it with back straight and abs firm. The actual stability ball is more effective, however the chair is a more viable option for use in an office environment. Sit, bounce or do basic toning exercises while watching TV or talking on the phone as well. Use the actual ball form in moderation when typing, as this is probably not the most supportive seating to prevent carpal tunnel and tendonitis.
14. While sitting, lift up your legs on the balls of your feet and set them down. Repeat these until your legs are comfortably tired. Then repeat it again about 10 minutes later. Do this whole routine for about an hour or so. This will exercise your calves.
Tips
* Don't neglect the health of your eyes! It is detrimental to your eyesight to focus at one thing for long periods of time (i.e. your monitor) so take breaks to look out the window and focus at something at a farther distance away to maintain good ocular health. Also consider purchasing an LCD screen which is easier on the eyes. Ophthalmologists recommend following the "20-20-20" rule--For every 20 minutes spent focusing on your computer screen, spend 20 seconds focusing on something else 20 feet away.
* As long as something is moving, you will be helping to keep yourself in better shape. Constant movement will burn calories and contribute to cardiovascular health. While exercising at your computer is helpful, it is not a substitute for going to the gym or conducting a regular exercise program.
* Don't sit still. Fidgeting is a good way to keep moving. Even something like tapping your foot. But don't make too much noise--however you fidget, the repetitive noises may bother other people.
* Always have water nearby to drink.
* If you're all alone, try shutting off the computer for a bit and exercise. If you're on a cell phone call, get up and do stretches, or leg lifts, anything to keep moving during down time away from the desk.
* Try exercises that combine opposing muscle groups (flexors and extensors, e.g., biceps and triceps) to get a good workout. Clasp your hands together with palms facing each other. Pull up with one hand while pushing down with the other.
* Play music while working to provoke body movement and relieve stress. A smaller instrument will be more convenient.
Warnings
* Your body needs more exercise than just what you do at the computer, but following these steps will contribute to a healthy, balanced lifestyle.
* Do not sit at your computer for a long time. Take a break after every 15 minutes.
* Steps 8 and 9; if not done in moderation, may cause you to start sweating, which may not be a pleasant sight or odor in an office environment. Keep in mind you are doing these to prevent stiffness, so save the enthusiasm for the gym.
Steps
1. Sit properly in a good chair designed for desk work. Your back should be straight, and your head should be looking directly into your monitor. If you have to look down or up, you need to adjust the height of either the screen or your chair. If you keep leaning forward, first get your eyesight checked. If your eyesight is fine use a loose belt or string to tie yourself to the chair. After a while your posture will improve and you'll no longer need this restraint.
2. Maintain an ergonomic body posture while typing. Be sure your wrists are slightly lower than your elbows. This will help prevent Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Keep your legs bent at the knees so that the knees are only slightly higher than your hips. Feet should be flat on the floor or on a step stool of some sort.
3. Stand up every half hour. Walk around a few steps, stretch your legs, and give your eyes a break from focusing on your computer screen. This will also help prevent blood clots from developing in your legs. Blood clots are very common among middle age people, who generally use the computer a lot.
4. To stretch your neck, flex your head forward/backward, side to side and look right and left. Never roll your head around your neck. This could cause damage to the joints of the neck.
5. Roll your wrists regularly (this will help prevent carpal tunnel syndrome if you spend a lot of time typing).
6. Recognize that people tend to hunch in front of the keyboard. To counter that, perform the following exercise: open your arms wide as if you are going to hug someone, rotate your wrists externally (thumbs going up and back) and pull your shoulders back. You will feel a stretch in the scapula area.
7. Contract your abdominal and gluteal muscles, hold them there for a few seconds, then release. Do this all day long while you are in your chair.
8. Stretch your arms, legs, neck and torso while sitting. This will help prevent you from feeling stiff.
9. Take advantage of the downtime created by rebooting or large file downloads to get up and try something more ambitious such as doing a few push-ups, sit-ups, and/or jumping jacks. Beware of your snickering co-workers though.
10. Acquire a hand gripper. They are cheap, small and light. When you have to read something either on the screen or on paper, you probably won't be using your hands very often so squeeze your gripper. It is an excellent forearm workout.
11. Acquire an elastic band (also cheap, small and light) and use it to do the actions mentioned in step 8 (i.e., when stretching your arms, do it by pulling apart the elastic band). You will not only stretch but it will also work the muscles slightly.
12. Take a few deep breaths. If possible, get some fresh air in your lungs.
13. Invest in a large size stability ball or stability ball style desk chair, and sit on it with back straight and abs firm. The actual stability ball is more effective, however the chair is a more viable option for use in an office environment. Sit, bounce or do basic toning exercises while watching TV or talking on the phone as well. Use the actual ball form in moderation when typing, as this is probably not the most supportive seating to prevent carpal tunnel and tendonitis.
14. While sitting, lift up your legs on the balls of your feet and set them down. Repeat these until your legs are comfortably tired. Then repeat it again about 10 minutes later. Do this whole routine for about an hour or so. This will exercise your calves.
Tips
* Don't neglect the health of your eyes! It is detrimental to your eyesight to focus at one thing for long periods of time (i.e. your monitor) so take breaks to look out the window and focus at something at a farther distance away to maintain good ocular health. Also consider purchasing an LCD screen which is easier on the eyes. Ophthalmologists recommend following the "20-20-20" rule--For every 20 minutes spent focusing on your computer screen, spend 20 seconds focusing on something else 20 feet away.
* As long as something is moving, you will be helping to keep yourself in better shape. Constant movement will burn calories and contribute to cardiovascular health. While exercising at your computer is helpful, it is not a substitute for going to the gym or conducting a regular exercise program.
* Don't sit still. Fidgeting is a good way to keep moving. Even something like tapping your foot. But don't make too much noise--however you fidget, the repetitive noises may bother other people.
* Always have water nearby to drink.
* If you're all alone, try shutting off the computer for a bit and exercise. If you're on a cell phone call, get up and do stretches, or leg lifts, anything to keep moving during down time away from the desk.
* Try exercises that combine opposing muscle groups (flexors and extensors, e.g., biceps and triceps) to get a good workout. Clasp your hands together with palms facing each other. Pull up with one hand while pushing down with the other.
* Play music while working to provoke body movement and relieve stress. A smaller instrument will be more convenient.
Warnings
* Your body needs more exercise than just what you do at the computer, but following these steps will contribute to a healthy, balanced lifestyle.
* Do not sit at your computer for a long time. Take a break after every 15 minutes.
* Steps 8 and 9; if not done in moderation, may cause you to start sweating, which may not be a pleasant sight or odor in an office environment. Keep in mind you are doing these to prevent stiffness, so save the enthusiasm for the gym.
Monday, January 15, 2007
LOVE... is in the air
I'll Be There - by Poyzen
-------------------------
When your looking at the stars, in the eternal blue
remember that each star out there is a reason why I love you
and when you think you are alone, and when no one is there at all
i will be right in front of you, to catch you when you fall
The Hour Glass - by Ben Jonson
------------------------------
Consider this small dust, here in the glass,
By atoms moved:
Could you believe that this the body was
Of one that loved;
And in his mistress' flame, playing like a fly,
Was turned to cinders by her eye:
Yes; and in death, as life unblessed,
To have it expressed,
Even ashes of lovers find no rest.
Using Me - by Meighan
---------------------
You affect my thoughts
You affect my mind
But why must you use me all the time
I don't understand you
Help me to know you
Trust me
I trust you
So help me to understand
The meaning of me and you
The Definition of Love - Andrew Marvell
---------------------------------------
My love is of a birth as rare
As 'tis for object strange and high;
It was begotten by Despair
Upon Impossibility.
Magnanimous Despair alone
Could show me so divine a thing
Where feeble Hope could ne'er have flown,
But vainly flapp'd its tinsel wing.
And yet I quickly might arrive
Where my extended soul is fixt,
But Fate does iron wedges drive,
And always crowds itself betwixt.
For Fate with jealous eye does see
Two perfect loves, nor lets them close;
Their union would her ruin be,
And her tyrannic pow'r depose.
And therefore her decrees of steel
Us as the distant poles have plac'd,
(Though love's whole world on us doth wheel)
Not by themselves to be embrac'd;
Unless the giddy heaven fall,
And earth some new convulsion tear;
And, us to join, the world should all
Be cramp'd into a planisphere.
As lines, so loves oblique may well
Themselves in every angle greet;
But ours so truly parallel,
Though infinite, can never meet.
Therefore the love which us doth bind,
But Fate so enviously debars,
Is the conjunction of the mind,
And opposition of the stars.
-------------------------
When your looking at the stars, in the eternal blue
remember that each star out there is a reason why I love you
and when you think you are alone, and when no one is there at all
i will be right in front of you, to catch you when you fall
The Hour Glass - by Ben Jonson
------------------------------
Consider this small dust, here in the glass,
By atoms moved:
Could you believe that this the body was
Of one that loved;
And in his mistress' flame, playing like a fly,
Was turned to cinders by her eye:
Yes; and in death, as life unblessed,
To have it expressed,
Even ashes of lovers find no rest.
Using Me - by Meighan
---------------------
You affect my thoughts
You affect my mind
But why must you use me all the time
I don't understand you
Help me to know you
Trust me
I trust you
So help me to understand
The meaning of me and you
The Definition of Love - Andrew Marvell
---------------------------------------
My love is of a birth as rare
As 'tis for object strange and high;
It was begotten by Despair
Upon Impossibility.
Magnanimous Despair alone
Could show me so divine a thing
Where feeble Hope could ne'er have flown,
But vainly flapp'd its tinsel wing.
And yet I quickly might arrive
Where my extended soul is fixt,
But Fate does iron wedges drive,
And always crowds itself betwixt.
For Fate with jealous eye does see
Two perfect loves, nor lets them close;
Their union would her ruin be,
And her tyrannic pow'r depose.
And therefore her decrees of steel
Us as the distant poles have plac'd,
(Though love's whole world on us doth wheel)
Not by themselves to be embrac'd;
Unless the giddy heaven fall,
And earth some new convulsion tear;
And, us to join, the world should all
Be cramp'd into a planisphere.
As lines, so loves oblique may well
Themselves in every angle greet;
But ours so truly parallel,
Though infinite, can never meet.
Therefore the love which us doth bind,
But Fate so enviously debars,
Is the conjunction of the mind,
And opposition of the stars.
STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
A different kind of dictionary
FOR MEN OUT THERE........REMEMBER THESE WOMEN STUFF FOR YOU OWN SAFETY.......DONT MESS WITH THE LADIES.......LOL
Dictionary for Decoding Women's Personal Ads:
----------------------------------------------
40-ish ........................ 49.
Adventurous ............ Slept with everyone.
Athletic ...................... No breasts
Average looking ......... Moooo.
Beautiful .................... Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure ... On medication.
Feminist ............ .... Fat
Free spirit .................. Junkie
Friendship first ........ Former slut.
New-Age ................... Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-Fashioned ........... No BJs.
Open-minded ............ Desperate
Outgoing .................. Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional ........... Bitch
Voluptuous ................ Very Fat
Hugh frame ............ Hugely Fat
Wants soul mate ....... Stalker
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry - You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit - I'm gay
Dictionary for Decoding Women's Personal Ads:
----------------------------------------------
40-ish ........................ 49.
Adventurous ............ Slept with everyone.
Athletic ...................... No breasts
Average looking ......... Moooo.
Beautiful .................... Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure ... On medication.
Feminist ............ .... Fat
Free spirit .................. Junkie
Friendship first ........ Former slut.
New-Age ................... Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-Fashioned ........... No BJs.
Open-minded ............ Desperate
Outgoing .................. Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional ........... Bitch
Voluptuous ................ Very Fat
Hugh frame ............ Hugely Fat
Wants soul mate ....... Stalker
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry - You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit - I'm gay
Something for your blog
Something for your blog (Courtesy of my friend, William)
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
- David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
- Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
-Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
-Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
-Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.
A little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henry Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
-Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
-James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
-Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
-Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
-Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
-Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
-Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive ."
-Anonymous
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
- David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
- Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
-Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
-Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
-Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.
A little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henry Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
-Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
-James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
-Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
-Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
-Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
-Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
-Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive ."
-Anonymous
Buying gifts for Men
For ladies in the team who either already have a boyfriend or planning to get one.
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4: Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Rule #6: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
Rule #7: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.
Rule #8: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.
Rule #9: Good places to shop for men include Home Depot, John Deere, Goodyear Tire, and Napa Auto Parts. ANYTHING you buy from these stores is gonna work. It doesn't even matter if he doesn't know what it is. ("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.")
Rule #10: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"
Rule #11: Tickets to a Cowboys game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.
Rule #12: Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #7 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
Rule #13: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #14: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope.
No one knows why.
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4: Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Rule #6: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
Rule #7: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.
Rule #8: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.
Rule #9: Good places to shop for men include Home Depot, John Deere, Goodyear Tire, and Napa Auto Parts. ANYTHING you buy from these stores is gonna work. It doesn't even matter if he doesn't know what it is. ("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.")
Rule #10: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"
Rule #11: Tickets to a Cowboys game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.
Rule #12: Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #7 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
Rule #13: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #14: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope.
No one knows why.
Be a born Software engineer
The Teacher gave a punishment to the student and asked him to write
"I Will Not Throw Paper Airplanes in the Class" 500 times.
AND
The Student Wrote
Be a born Software engineer
"I Will Not Throw Paper Airplanes in the Class" 500 times.
AND
The Student Wrote
Be a born Software engineer
aiyo....
1.
跟你当这么久的朋友，
你一直都很关心我，
我却时常给你添麻烦，
真不知该怎么报答你 ...
所以 ...下辈子作牛作马 ...
我一定会拔草给你吃的 ...
2 ．
很想你，
可是又不好意思打给你，
怕你正在忙，
怕你不理我，
怕你觉得我骚扰，
真的好想跟你联络，
但是 …电话费实在很贵，
你打给我吧！ ---
3.
你是流星我就追定你，
如果你是卫星我就等待你，
如果你是恒星我就会恋上你，
可惜 ...
你是猩猩 ~
我只能在动物园看到你 !!
唉 ..可惜ㄚ !!
4.
乱.. 心里不知道在想些什么..
脑都被快烦死了 …
我真的不知道要怎么办 ?..
你能不能告诉我 ....
我真的不知道要吃大乾面还是阿 q桶面 !---
5.
谢谢你在我最失意的时候陪伴著我，
在我最须要帮助的时候拉了我一把，
千言万语诉不尽，
只想告诉你：
「自从认识你没有一件好事发生！」 ---
6．
遇到你~ 是我心动的开始
爱上你~ 是我幸福的选择
拥有你~ 是我最珍贵的财富
踏入红毯~ 是我永恒的动力
永远爱的人~ 是你
遗憾的是~ 我传错人了
7．
上帝看见你口渴，创造了水；
上帝看见你饿，，创造了米；
上帝看见你没有可爱的朋友，创造了我；
然而祂也看见这世界上没有白痴，顺便也创造你。
8．
如果规定一个人一生只能对一个好，
我情愿那个人就是你。
我无怨无悔，至死不渝！
但偏偏没规定…
那就算了！
9．
想你是件快乐的事!
见你是件开心的事!
爱你是我永远要做的事!
把你放在心上是我一直在做的事!
不过骗你，是刚发生的事！哈哈！
10．
电话响了一声，代表我正在想你！
两声，代表我喜欢你！
三声，代表我爱你！
当第七声响起…
我是真的有事找你，还不快接电话！
11．
我把你的名字写在天空里，可是被风吹走了；
我把你的名字写在沙滩上，可是被海冲走了；
我把你的名字写在每一个角落…
哈 ，我被警察抓走了！
12．
当白云飘过，那是我想你的痕迹；
当阳光闪耀，那是我想你的感觉；
当雨水落下，那是我想你的证据；
当雷电交加，那是我向天祈求你被劈中... 哈-- 哈--
13．
如果说烧一年的香可以与你相遇，
烧三年的香可以与你相识，
烧十年的香可以与你相惜，
为了我下辈子的幸福，
我愿意... 改信…
跟你当这么久的朋友，
你一直都很关心我，
我却时常给你添麻烦，
真不知该怎么报答你 ...
所以 ...下辈子作牛作马 ...
我一定会拔草给你吃的 ...
2 ．
很想你，
可是又不好意思打给你，
怕你正在忙，
怕你不理我，
怕你觉得我骚扰，
真的好想跟你联络，
但是 …电话费实在很贵，
你打给我吧！ ---
3.
你是流星我就追定你，
如果你是卫星我就等待你，
如果你是恒星我就会恋上你，
可惜 ...
你是猩猩 ~
我只能在动物园看到你 !!
唉 ..可惜ㄚ !!
4.
乱.. 心里不知道在想些什么..
脑都被快烦死了 …
我真的不知道要怎么办 ?..
你能不能告诉我 ....
我真的不知道要吃大乾面还是阿 q桶面 !---
5.
谢谢你在我最失意的时候陪伴著我，
在我最须要帮助的时候拉了我一把，
千言万语诉不尽，
只想告诉你：
「自从认识你没有一件好事发生！」 ---
6．
遇到你~ 是我心动的开始
爱上你~ 是我幸福的选择
拥有你~ 是我最珍贵的财富
踏入红毯~ 是我永恒的动力
永远爱的人~ 是你
遗憾的是~ 我传错人了
7．
上帝看见你口渴，创造了水；
上帝看见你饿，，创造了米；
上帝看见你没有可爱的朋友，创造了我；
然而祂也看见这世界上没有白痴，顺便也创造你。
8．
如果规定一个人一生只能对一个好，
我情愿那个人就是你。
我无怨无悔，至死不渝！
但偏偏没规定…
那就算了！
9．
想你是件快乐的事!
见你是件开心的事!
爱你是我永远要做的事!
把你放在心上是我一直在做的事!
不过骗你，是刚发生的事！哈哈！
10．
电话响了一声，代表我正在想你！
两声，代表我喜欢你！
三声，代表我爱你！
当第七声响起…
我是真的有事找你，还不快接电话！
11．
我把你的名字写在天空里，可是被风吹走了；
我把你的名字写在沙滩上，可是被海冲走了；
我把你的名字写在每一个角落…
哈 ，我被警察抓走了！
12．
当白云飘过，那是我想你的痕迹；
当阳光闪耀，那是我想你的感觉；
当雨水落下，那是我想你的证据；
当雷电交加，那是我向天祈求你被劈中... 哈-- 哈--
13．
如果说烧一年的香可以与你相遇，
烧三年的香可以与你相识，
烧十年的香可以与你相惜，
为了我下辈子的幸福，
我愿意... 改信…
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