from: http://www.comicspage.com/comicspage/main.jsp?file=20070114cssho-s-p.jpg&refresh_content=1&component_id=3&custid=69&catid=1160&dir=%2Fshoe
on 01-14-2007
What I received in my email
what I received after 3 hours
Monday, January 29, 2007
I have no money and no life
The original comic strip
from: http://www.comicspage.com/comicspage/main.jsp?file=20070114cssho-s-p.jpg&refresh_content=1&component_id=3&custid=69&catid=1160&dir=%2Fshoe
on 01-14-2007
What I received in my email
what I received after 3 hours
from: http://www.comicspage.com/comicspage/main.jsp?file=20070114cssho-s-p.jpg&refresh_content=1&component_id=3&custid=69&catid=1160&dir=%2Fshoe
on 01-14-2007
What I received in my email
what I received after 3 hours
How to Exercise While Sitting at Your Computer
Sitting at the computer all day is not exactly good for the body. If you have to be at a desk all day long, doing some simple things can improve your posture and health.
Steps
1. Sit properly in a good chair designed for desk work. Your back should be straight, and your head should be looking directly into your monitor. If you have to look down or up, you need to adjust the height of either the screen or your chair. If you keep leaning forward, first get your eyesight checked. If your eyesight is fine use a loose belt or string to tie yourself to the chair. After a while your posture will improve and you'll no longer need this restraint.
2. Maintain an ergonomic body posture while typing. Be sure your wrists are slightly lower than your elbows. This will help prevent Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Keep your legs bent at the knees so that the knees are only slightly higher than your hips. Feet should be flat on the floor or on a step stool of some sort.
3. Stand up every half hour. Walk around a few steps, stretch your legs, and give your eyes a break from focusing on your computer screen. This will also help prevent blood clots from developing in your legs. Blood clots are very common among middle age people, who generally use the computer a lot.
4. To stretch your neck, flex your head forward/backward, side to side and look right and left. Never roll your head around your neck. This could cause damage to the joints of the neck.
5. Roll your wrists regularly (this will help prevent carpal tunnel syndrome if you spend a lot of time typing).
6. Recognize that people tend to hunch in front of the keyboard. To counter that, perform the following exercise: open your arms wide as if you are going to hug someone, rotate your wrists externally (thumbs going up and back) and pull your shoulders back. You will feel a stretch in the scapula area.
7. Contract your abdominal and gluteal muscles, hold them there for a few seconds, then release. Do this all day long while you are in your chair.
8. Stretch your arms, legs, neck and torso while sitting. This will help prevent you from feeling stiff.
9. Take advantage of the downtime created by rebooting or large file downloads to get up and try something more ambitious such as doing a few push-ups, sit-ups, and/or jumping jacks. Beware of your snickering co-workers though.
10. Acquire a hand gripper. They are cheap, small and light. When you have to read something either on the screen or on paper, you probably won't be using your hands very often so squeeze your gripper. It is an excellent forearm workout.
11. Acquire an elastic band (also cheap, small and light) and use it to do the actions mentioned in step 8 (i.e., when stretching your arms, do it by pulling apart the elastic band). You will not only stretch but it will also work the muscles slightly.
12. Take a few deep breaths. If possible, get some fresh air in your lungs.
13. Invest in a large size stability ball or stability ball style desk chair, and sit on it with back straight and abs firm. The actual stability ball is more effective, however the chair is a more viable option for use in an office environment. Sit, bounce or do basic toning exercises while watching TV or talking on the phone as well. Use the actual ball form in moderation when typing, as this is probably not the most supportive seating to prevent carpal tunnel and tendonitis.
14. While sitting, lift up your legs on the balls of your feet and set them down. Repeat these until your legs are comfortably tired. Then repeat it again about 10 minutes later. Do this whole routine for about an hour or so. This will exercise your calves.
Tips
* Don't neglect the health of your eyes! It is detrimental to your eyesight to focus at one thing for long periods of time (i.e. your monitor) so take breaks to look out the window and focus at something at a farther distance away to maintain good ocular health. Also consider purchasing an LCD screen which is easier on the eyes. Ophthalmologists recommend following the "20-20-20" rule--For every 20 minutes spent focusing on your computer screen, spend 20 seconds focusing on something else 20 feet away.
* As long as something is moving, you will be helping to keep yourself in better shape. Constant movement will burn calories and contribute to cardiovascular health. While exercising at your computer is helpful, it is not a substitute for going to the gym or conducting a regular exercise program.
* Don't sit still. Fidgeting is a good way to keep moving. Even something like tapping your foot. But don't make too much noise--however you fidget, the repetitive noises may bother other people.
* Always have water nearby to drink.
* If you're all alone, try shutting off the computer for a bit and exercise. If you're on a cell phone call, get up and do stretches, or leg lifts, anything to keep moving during down time away from the desk.
* Try exercises that combine opposing muscle groups (flexors and extensors, e.g., biceps and triceps) to get a good workout. Clasp your hands together with palms facing each other. Pull up with one hand while pushing down with the other.
* Play music while working to provoke body movement and relieve stress. A smaller instrument will be more convenient.
Warnings
* Your body needs more exercise than just what you do at the computer, but following these steps will contribute to a healthy, balanced lifestyle.
* Do not sit at your computer for a long time. Take a break after every 15 minutes.
* Steps 8 and 9; if not done in moderation, may cause you to start sweating, which may not be a pleasant sight or odor in an office environment. Keep in mind you are doing these to prevent stiffness, so save the enthusiasm for the gym.
Steps
1. Sit properly in a good chair designed for desk work. Your back should be straight, and your head should be looking directly into your monitor. If you have to look down or up, you need to adjust the height of either the screen or your chair. If you keep leaning forward, first get your eyesight checked. If your eyesight is fine use a loose belt or string to tie yourself to the chair. After a while your posture will improve and you'll no longer need this restraint.
2. Maintain an ergonomic body posture while typing. Be sure your wrists are slightly lower than your elbows. This will help prevent Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Keep your legs bent at the knees so that the knees are only slightly higher than your hips. Feet should be flat on the floor or on a step stool of some sort.
3. Stand up every half hour. Walk around a few steps, stretch your legs, and give your eyes a break from focusing on your computer screen. This will also help prevent blood clots from developing in your legs. Blood clots are very common among middle age people, who generally use the computer a lot.
4. To stretch your neck, flex your head forward/backward, side to side and look right and left. Never roll your head around your neck. This could cause damage to the joints of the neck.
5. Roll your wrists regularly (this will help prevent carpal tunnel syndrome if you spend a lot of time typing).
6. Recognize that people tend to hunch in front of the keyboard. To counter that, perform the following exercise: open your arms wide as if you are going to hug someone, rotate your wrists externally (thumbs going up and back) and pull your shoulders back. You will feel a stretch in the scapula area.
7. Contract your abdominal and gluteal muscles, hold them there for a few seconds, then release. Do this all day long while you are in your chair.
8. Stretch your arms, legs, neck and torso while sitting. This will help prevent you from feeling stiff.
9. Take advantage of the downtime created by rebooting or large file downloads to get up and try something more ambitious such as doing a few push-ups, sit-ups, and/or jumping jacks. Beware of your snickering co-workers though.
10. Acquire a hand gripper. They are cheap, small and light. When you have to read something either on the screen or on paper, you probably won't be using your hands very often so squeeze your gripper. It is an excellent forearm workout.
11. Acquire an elastic band (also cheap, small and light) and use it to do the actions mentioned in step 8 (i.e., when stretching your arms, do it by pulling apart the elastic band). You will not only stretch but it will also work the muscles slightly.
12. Take a few deep breaths. If possible, get some fresh air in your lungs.
13. Invest in a large size stability ball or stability ball style desk chair, and sit on it with back straight and abs firm. The actual stability ball is more effective, however the chair is a more viable option for use in an office environment. Sit, bounce or do basic toning exercises while watching TV or talking on the phone as well. Use the actual ball form in moderation when typing, as this is probably not the most supportive seating to prevent carpal tunnel and tendonitis.
14. While sitting, lift up your legs on the balls of your feet and set them down. Repeat these until your legs are comfortably tired. Then repeat it again about 10 minutes later. Do this whole routine for about an hour or so. This will exercise your calves.
Tips
* Don't neglect the health of your eyes! It is detrimental to your eyesight to focus at one thing for long periods of time (i.e. your monitor) so take breaks to look out the window and focus at something at a farther distance away to maintain good ocular health. Also consider purchasing an LCD screen which is easier on the eyes. Ophthalmologists recommend following the "20-20-20" rule--For every 20 minutes spent focusing on your computer screen, spend 20 seconds focusing on something else 20 feet away.
* As long as something is moving, you will be helping to keep yourself in better shape. Constant movement will burn calories and contribute to cardiovascular health. While exercising at your computer is helpful, it is not a substitute for going to the gym or conducting a regular exercise program.
* Don't sit still. Fidgeting is a good way to keep moving. Even something like tapping your foot. But don't make too much noise--however you fidget, the repetitive noises may bother other people.
* Always have water nearby to drink.
* If you're all alone, try shutting off the computer for a bit and exercise. If you're on a cell phone call, get up and do stretches, or leg lifts, anything to keep moving during down time away from the desk.
* Try exercises that combine opposing muscle groups (flexors and extensors, e.g., biceps and triceps) to get a good workout. Clasp your hands together with palms facing each other. Pull up with one hand while pushing down with the other.
* Play music while working to provoke body movement and relieve stress. A smaller instrument will be more convenient.
Warnings
* Your body needs more exercise than just what you do at the computer, but following these steps will contribute to a healthy, balanced lifestyle.
* Do not sit at your computer for a long time. Take a break after every 15 minutes.
* Steps 8 and 9; if not done in moderation, may cause you to start sweating, which may not be a pleasant sight or odor in an office environment. Keep in mind you are doing these to prevent stiffness, so save the enthusiasm for the gym.
Monday, January 15, 2007
LOVE... is in the air
I'll Be There - by Poyzen
-------------------------
When your looking at the stars, in the eternal blue
remember that each star out there is a reason why I love you
and when you think you are alone, and when no one is there at all
i will be right in front of you, to catch you when you fall
The Hour Glass - by Ben Jonson
------------------------------
Consider this small dust, here in the glass,
By atoms moved:
Could you believe that this the body was
Of one that loved;
And in his mistress' flame, playing like a fly,
Was turned to cinders by her eye:
Yes; and in death, as life unblessed,
To have it expressed,
Even ashes of lovers find no rest.
Using Me - by Meighan
---------------------
You affect my thoughts
You affect my mind
But why must you use me all the time
I don't understand you
Help me to know you
Trust me
I trust you
So help me to understand
The meaning of me and you
The Definition of Love - Andrew Marvell
---------------------------------------
My love is of a birth as rare
As 'tis for object strange and high;
It was begotten by Despair
Upon Impossibility.
Magnanimous Despair alone
Could show me so divine a thing
Where feeble Hope could ne'er have flown,
But vainly flapp'd its tinsel wing.
And yet I quickly might arrive
Where my extended soul is fixt,
But Fate does iron wedges drive,
And always crowds itself betwixt.
For Fate with jealous eye does see
Two perfect loves, nor lets them close;
Their union would her ruin be,
And her tyrannic pow'r depose.
And therefore her decrees of steel
Us as the distant poles have plac'd,
(Though love's whole world on us doth wheel)
Not by themselves to be embrac'd;
Unless the giddy heaven fall,
And earth some new convulsion tear;
And, us to join, the world should all
Be cramp'd into a planisphere.
As lines, so loves oblique may well
Themselves in every angle greet;
But ours so truly parallel,
Though infinite, can never meet.
Therefore the love which us doth bind,
But Fate so enviously debars,
Is the conjunction of the mind,
And opposition of the stars.
-------------------------
When your looking at the stars, in the eternal blue
remember that each star out there is a reason why I love you
and when you think you are alone, and when no one is there at all
i will be right in front of you, to catch you when you fall
The Hour Glass - by Ben Jonson
------------------------------
Consider this small dust, here in the glass,
By atoms moved:
Could you believe that this the body was
Of one that loved;
And in his mistress' flame, playing like a fly,
Was turned to cinders by her eye:
Yes; and in death, as life unblessed,
To have it expressed,
Even ashes of lovers find no rest.
Using Me - by Meighan
---------------------
You affect my thoughts
You affect my mind
But why must you use me all the time
I don't understand you
Help me to know you
Trust me
I trust you
So help me to understand
The meaning of me and you
The Definition of Love - Andrew Marvell
---------------------------------------
My love is of a birth as rare
As 'tis for object strange and high;
It was begotten by Despair
Upon Impossibility.
Magnanimous Despair alone
Could show me so divine a thing
Where feeble Hope could ne'er have flown,
But vainly flapp'd its tinsel wing.
And yet I quickly might arrive
Where my extended soul is fixt,
But Fate does iron wedges drive,
And always crowds itself betwixt.
For Fate with jealous eye does see
Two perfect loves, nor lets them close;
Their union would her ruin be,
And her tyrannic pow'r depose.
And therefore her decrees of steel
Us as the distant poles have plac'd,
(Though love's whole world on us doth wheel)
Not by themselves to be embrac'd;
Unless the giddy heaven fall,
And earth some new convulsion tear;
And, us to join, the world should all
Be cramp'd into a planisphere.
As lines, so loves oblique may well
Themselves in every angle greet;
But ours so truly parallel,
Though infinite, can never meet.
Therefore the love which us doth bind,
But Fate so enviously debars,
Is the conjunction of the mind,
And opposition of the stars.
STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
A different kind of dictionary
FOR MEN OUT THERE........REMEMBER THESE WOMEN STUFF FOR YOU OWN SAFETY.......DONT MESS WITH THE LADIES.......LOL
Dictionary for Decoding Women's Personal Ads:
----------------------------------------------
40-ish ........................ 49.
Adventurous ............ Slept with everyone.
Athletic ...................... No breasts
Average looking ......... Moooo.
Beautiful .................... Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure ... On medication.
Feminist ............ .... Fat
Free spirit .................. Junkie
Friendship first ........ Former slut.
New-Age ................... Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-Fashioned ........... No BJs.
Open-minded ............ Desperate
Outgoing .................. Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional ........... Bitch
Voluptuous ................ Very Fat
Hugh frame ............ Hugely Fat
Wants soul mate ....... Stalker
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry - You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit - I'm gay
Dictionary for Decoding Women's Personal Ads:
----------------------------------------------
40-ish ........................ 49.
Adventurous ............ Slept with everyone.
Athletic ...................... No breasts
Average looking ......... Moooo.
Beautiful .................... Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure ... On medication.
Feminist ............ .... Fat
Free spirit .................. Junkie
Friendship first ........ Former slut.
New-Age ................... Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-Fashioned ........... No BJs.
Open-minded ............ Desperate
Outgoing .................. Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional ........... Bitch
Voluptuous ................ Very Fat
Hugh frame ............ Hugely Fat
Wants soul mate ....... Stalker
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry - You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit - I'm gay
Something for your blog
Something for your blog (Courtesy of my friend, William)
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
- David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
- Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
-Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
-Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
-Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.
A little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henry Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
-Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
-James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
-Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
-Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
-Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
-Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
-Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive ."
-Anonymous
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
- David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
- Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
-Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
-Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
-Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.
A little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henry Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
-Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
-James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
-Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
-Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
-Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
-Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
-Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive ."
-Anonymous
Buying gifts for Men
For ladies in the team who either already have a boyfriend or planning to get one.
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4: Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Rule #6: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
Rule #7: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.
Rule #8: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.
Rule #9: Good places to shop for men include Home Depot, John Deere, Goodyear Tire, and Napa Auto Parts. ANYTHING you buy from these stores is gonna work. It doesn't even matter if he doesn't know what it is. ("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.")
Rule #10: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"
Rule #11: Tickets to a Cowboys game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.
Rule #12: Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #7 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
Rule #13: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #14: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope.
No one knows why.
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4: Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Rule #6: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
Rule #7: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.
Rule #8: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.
Rule #9: Good places to shop for men include Home Depot, John Deere, Goodyear Tire, and Napa Auto Parts. ANYTHING you buy from these stores is gonna work. It doesn't even matter if he doesn't know what it is. ("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.")
Rule #10: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"
Rule #11: Tickets to a Cowboys game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.
Rule #12: Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #7 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
Rule #13: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #14: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope.
No one knows why.
Be a born Software engineer
The Teacher gave a punishment to the student and asked him to write
"I Will Not Throw Paper Airplanes in the Class" 500 times.
AND
The Student Wrote
Be a born Software engineer
"I Will Not Throw Paper Airplanes in the Class" 500 times.
AND
The Student Wrote
Be a born Software engineer
aiyo....
1.
跟你当这么久的朋友，
你一直都很关心我，
我却时常给你添麻烦，
真不知该怎么报答你 ...
所以 ...下辈子作牛作马 ...
我一定会拔草给你吃的 ...
2 ．
很想你，
可是又不好意思打给你，
怕你正在忙，
怕你不理我，
怕你觉得我骚扰，
真的好想跟你联络，
但是 …电话费实在很贵，
你打给我吧！ ---
3.
你是流星我就追定你，
如果你是卫星我就等待你，
如果你是恒星我就会恋上你，
可惜 ...
你是猩猩 ~
我只能在动物园看到你 !!
唉 ..可惜ㄚ !!
4.
乱.. 心里不知道在想些什么..
脑都被快烦死了 …
我真的不知道要怎么办 ?..
你能不能告诉我 ....
我真的不知道要吃大乾面还是阿 q桶面 !---
5.
谢谢你在我最失意的时候陪伴著我，
在我最须要帮助的时候拉了我一把，
千言万语诉不尽，
只想告诉你：
「自从认识你没有一件好事发生！」 ---
6．
遇到你~ 是我心动的开始
爱上你~ 是我幸福的选择
拥有你~ 是我最珍贵的财富
踏入红毯~ 是我永恒的动力
永远爱的人~ 是你
遗憾的是~ 我传错人了
7．
上帝看见你口渴，创造了水；
上帝看见你饿，，创造了米；
上帝看见你没有可爱的朋友，创造了我；
然而祂也看见这世界上没有白痴，顺便也创造你。
8．
如果规定一个人一生只能对一个好，
我情愿那个人就是你。
我无怨无悔，至死不渝！
但偏偏没规定…
那就算了！
9．
想你是件快乐的事!
见你是件开心的事!
爱你是我永远要做的事!
把你放在心上是我一直在做的事!
不过骗你，是刚发生的事！哈哈！
10．
电话响了一声，代表我正在想你！
两声，代表我喜欢你！
三声，代表我爱你！
当第七声响起…
我是真的有事找你，还不快接电话！
11．
我把你的名字写在天空里，可是被风吹走了；
我把你的名字写在沙滩上，可是被海冲走了；
我把你的名字写在每一个角落…
哈 ，我被警察抓走了！
12．
当白云飘过，那是我想你的痕迹；
当阳光闪耀，那是我想你的感觉；
当雨水落下，那是我想你的证据；
当雷电交加，那是我向天祈求你被劈中... 哈-- 哈--
13．
如果说烧一年的香可以与你相遇，
烧三年的香可以与你相识，
烧十年的香可以与你相惜，
为了我下辈子的幸福，
我愿意... 改信…
跟你当这么久的朋友，
你一直都很关心我，
我却时常给你添麻烦，
真不知该怎么报答你 ...
所以 ...下辈子作牛作马 ...
我一定会拔草给你吃的 ...
2 ．
很想你，
可是又不好意思打给你，
怕你正在忙，
怕你不理我，
怕你觉得我骚扰，
真的好想跟你联络，
但是 …电话费实在很贵，
你打给我吧！ ---
3.
你是流星我就追定你，
如果你是卫星我就等待你，
如果你是恒星我就会恋上你，
可惜 ...
你是猩猩 ~
我只能在动物园看到你 !!
唉 ..可惜ㄚ !!
4.
乱.. 心里不知道在想些什么..
脑都被快烦死了 …
我真的不知道要怎么办 ?..
你能不能告诉我 ....
我真的不知道要吃大乾面还是阿 q桶面 !---
5.
谢谢你在我最失意的时候陪伴著我，
在我最须要帮助的时候拉了我一把，
千言万语诉不尽，
只想告诉你：
「自从认识你没有一件好事发生！」 ---
6．
遇到你~ 是我心动的开始
爱上你~ 是我幸福的选择
拥有你~ 是我最珍贵的财富
踏入红毯~ 是我永恒的动力
永远爱的人~ 是你
遗憾的是~ 我传错人了
7．
上帝看见你口渴，创造了水；
上帝看见你饿，，创造了米；
上帝看见你没有可爱的朋友，创造了我；
然而祂也看见这世界上没有白痴，顺便也创造你。
8．
如果规定一个人一生只能对一个好，
我情愿那个人就是你。
我无怨无悔，至死不渝！
但偏偏没规定…
那就算了！
9．
想你是件快乐的事!
见你是件开心的事!
爱你是我永远要做的事!
把你放在心上是我一直在做的事!
不过骗你，是刚发生的事！哈哈！
10．
电话响了一声，代表我正在想你！
两声，代表我喜欢你！
三声，代表我爱你！
当第七声响起…
我是真的有事找你，还不快接电话！
11．
我把你的名字写在天空里，可是被风吹走了；
我把你的名字写在沙滩上，可是被海冲走了；
我把你的名字写在每一个角落…
哈 ，我被警察抓走了！
12．
当白云飘过，那是我想你的痕迹；
当阳光闪耀，那是我想你的感觉；
当雨水落下，那是我想你的证据；
当雷电交加，那是我向天祈求你被劈中... 哈-- 哈--
13．
如果说烧一年的香可以与你相遇，
烧三年的香可以与你相识，
烧十年的香可以与你相惜，
为了我下辈子的幸福，
我愿意... 改信…
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