Bringing English to Senses

Bringing English to Senses
Dinesh Vora
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The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union rather than
German, which was the other possibility.
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As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-
year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
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In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this
will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
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The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
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There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.
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In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
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Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
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Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the
languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
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By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
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During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
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Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi
tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
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Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted
in ze forst plas.
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If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.